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well my names izabella and i am a 19 year old birthmom. i gave birth on may 3rd 2010 to an amazing little boy. giving him up for adoption was the hardest thing i have ever had to do. my boyfriend and i decided to place because at this point in our lives we are not ready for a baby and dont have the right materials to be parents to a baby. we have an open adoption but i still feel like i have lost everything. i am catholic and placed my son with a catholic family. they go to a local church but not my church. i was so happy to find a couple so close to home but im scared of going out in fear that i may see them and see how happy my son is. i did not want to have a baby at this age. in fact i said it would never happen to me but it did. im now and always will be considered a teen mom and its crazy.
just wondering if anyone can relate to me at all so i know i am not alone :confused: :confused:
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williams.mommy
ive never thought it would be this hard nor did i really prepare to be hurt this much.
all i want is to smell him again
if that even makes any sence
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(((( Alwaysamommy ))))
You've done an amazing thing at a very young age...you've put the needs of your son ahead of your own. There are many parents in today's world who don't seem capable of doing that, you know.
I know you're in a lot of pain right now, and I really wish there was a magic wand I could wave over you to take the pain away...but there isn't one. The first couple years are the hardest part of the journey. It's important to let yourself feel the emotions and remember the memories. It does get easier as time goes by, although for many of us the pain never totally goes away. It becomes bearable, though.
I hope you keep coming back and posting. We're all pretty nice women here, and we've been exactly where you are right now. I know for me, it helps so much to have the support of other women who have walked in my shoes.
P.S. I don't think it's gross at all that you haven't washed your sheets yet. I completely understand... :loveyou:
Alwaysamommy, HUGS to you and welcome to the boards. Back when I was planning adoption for my own son, I had a friend who placed her son with her sister and brother in law after trying to parent him for a month or so. She gave it her best shot, but found she was simply not ready to raise him the way she wanted him to be raised. None of this is ever easy and I totally get wanting to keep the blankets and things unwashed and feeling sad about the smell fading. Take care and keep posting. And remember, like your name says, you will still ALWAYS be a mommy to your son even if you are not raising him.
hey there my name is rachael and i am actually going through the exact same thing right now. I am 19 and have decided to chose adoption for my baby. I just found out I was pregnant about a month ago so this is all very new to me. I was just wondering if you could share your experiences with me because I am also having an open adoption. I know this is best but already Im having a hard time dealing with this.
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hello my name is jodi i am 15 and due with a baby girl in two weeks. i am looking for a family for her. i am very nervous and scared. i cant relate to you yet but i will be able to soon. do you at least feel like you made a good decision. i am very worried about if i make the right one or not/ cold you give me any advise
Birth mom's...
As an adoptive mom I have to say a few things....
1-your selflessness is amazing. For all of us, and for your children, you are commended. We will never be able to thank you enough for the gift of raising your children.
2-Keep a journal. Your kiddo's will one day come searching for you (we keep all the info about our lil guys bio fam we can to help him in the search later in life). They're going to want to know how you thought of them at one month old, or cried for them, or didn't wash the sheets so you could smell them. It's SO important to them to know that your decision was selfless as opposed to selfish (which unfortunately, adoptees can believe).
3-Go to counseling. I have been fortunate not to lose a child, but I can't imagine after parenting my little guys having to give them up. I love them with my whole heart! Not having them would break that heart and leave a hole. You'll never be able to fill that hole but to repair it slightly has to be beneficial.
:thanks: :thanks: :thanks: :thanks: :thanks: :thanks:
You are such brave young women! The decisions you have to make at such a young age are tough! Not many teenagers are mature enough to make the choice that you are. Whether you parent, abort, or place your baby with a loving family, it's all hard! I would love to support you and encourage you. I help women like you with adoption decisions, so I would be happy to try to answer any questions you might have!Have you found a family yet? Do you know what kind of adoption you want? Tell us what you're thinking...this is YOUR plan after all!:wings: Did I mention how brave you are??
You are such brave young women! The decisions you have to make at such a young age are tough! Not many teenagers are mature enough to make the choice that you are. Whether you parent, abort, or place your baby with a loving family, it's all hard! I would love to support you and encourage you. I help women like you with adoption decisions, so I would be happy to try to answer any questions you might have!Have you found a family yet? Do you know what kind of adoption you want? Tell us what you're thinking...this is YOUR plan after all!:wings: Did I mention how brave you are??
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rachaeln,
Just remember that it is a very new thing to you and your mind will go back and forth a hundred dozens times I'm sure. Sometimes in the end people don't even go through with it, but you have plenty of support here. How open will your adoption be? Or how far away will you be from your child? I think open adoption is such a great decision for both you and the child. You are only 19 and still need to put yourself through school, work, etc not only for you but so you can provide for possible future children, and to show your daughter/son how much you both gained out of the adoption. It is a very hard thing to deal with and people will tell you time heals, you may feel like it never will because trust me I did, but time really does help. I am not going to lie, you will have days where little things set you off and such, today I'm just having one of those mornings, but there are also great days where you are just overall so pleased and grateful for the decision you have made.
Support is very much key though in helping you get through everything even if it is just something little like this discussion board!
thank you alwaysamommy. its great to have these discussion boreds and be able to relate to others who have or are going through what I am and I am able to talk to about things. Its hard to talk to friends and such because i feel as if im talking to a wall or something, just because they can not relate on my level. Its very appreciated to have everyones support! thanks to all!
Im exactly where you are right now. i had a lil girl on sept 21st, and i was nineteen. The adoptive parents live in the same town i live in. I fear everytime i leave the house i will run into them. before I had the baby i was prepared for this, now not so much. I have an open adoption and i have seen the baby since i had her, i just don't know how i would feel if i saw them and didn't expect it..I also know someone that did a closed adoption and ran into the adoptive parents and the child, and saw she made the right choice by how much her little girl had..
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[QUOTE=manderzmcg79]Birth mom's...
2-Keep a journal. Your kiddo's will one day come searching for you (we keep all the info about our lil guys bio fam we can to help him in the search later in life). They're going to want to know how you thought of them at one month old, or cried for them, or didn't wash the sheets so you could smell them. It's SO important to them to know that your decision was selfless as opposed to selfish (which unfortunately, adoptees can believe).
QUOTE]
Oh yes! keep a journal, Manderz is right, I am a 24 yr old adult adoptee, and have been searching since i was 18, I've always known, and am THANKFUL for the life that was given to me, because of the bravery of my 1st mom,
Letters, journal entires, scrapbooks, anything that shows your love and your life! I can't wait for my reunion, and I hope my 1st mom has those things for me to see
My situation is basically the same as yours i gave birth to my son september 1 2010. I was 19 when I signed the papers my boyfriend and I felt the same way you and yours did. For me consoling helped indefinitely I am still grieving a lot mainly over his firsts but I feel better in the sense that I have someone to talk to about it.