I don't know how I let myself be talked into these things. So, M.C. is on break from Job Corps and talked me into letting her roommate stay a week because she is pregnant and had no where else to go until her boyfriend gets back from another state this Sat. So I went and picked them both up last Tues. My nightmare began immediately. M.C.'s roommate starts off by burping loudly and passing awful gas in the car and then laughing about it...then asks me to stop repeatedly so she can get out of the car and smoke. I told her no and she got really quiet. I could tell M.C. was uncomfortable but she knows how I feel so she said little.
Then we got to our house and the houseguest goes into our family room and picks up the remote and turns it to MTV and turns it up LOUD. Joshie, being just a normal curious toddler, walks up to her and she screams "Get away from me!" I was so startled by this I grabbed Joshie up and left the room. I went and asked M.C. what was wrong with her friend and she said she was just moody and that she was like that most of the time. I remembered my emotional state when I was pg, so I just shrugged it off as an isolated incident.
The next day, houseguest and M.C. slept in til about 2pm...Joshie and I were watching Sesame Street and houseguest walks in and takes the remote and turns to MTV. By this time, I'm irritated...Joshie says sweetly to her: "Hi, do you want to play with me?" and she screams at him, "Be quiet and get away from me and leave me the hell alone!" I was very very angry and I walked over and turned the TV off and asked her very quietly, "Do you not like kids?" and she said she grew up in a foster home with 8 siblings who annoyed the heck out of her and I said "Well you can't talk to Joshie like this, I won't stand for it and I can tell you right now that my hubby will definitely not stand for this and if your behavior continues, you can find another place to stay." Then I took the remote away from her and turned it back to Sesame Street. Nice as pie she became until last night.
My older son is home from his dad's and I realize he is a teenager, but last night he was sitting in the family room with us, playing on my laptop and started to ask me a question. She snapped at him: "Shut the blreep up!" I stood up and completely lost it; I told both her and M.C. to get the hell out right now. M.C. got up and tried to hug me and I pushed at her and was so angry I was afraid I might become violent.
I want to take houseguest somewhere far away from here. What would you all do and/or how would you handle this? Pregnant or not, this kind of behavior is completely unexcusable to me....
Blessings, Michelle
I more mistake and she's OUT.
BTW, I fear for her can just tell what kind of mom she's going to be. That just makes me sick.
P.S. Actually I just reconsidered. If ANYONE had told my son "Shut the bleep up" I would have kicked her out right then.
Stand firm!
I'd kick her out asap and would not feel guilty about it...your home should be a place of safety and sanity and for her to come in and disrespect that AND your family is a "no deal" in my opinion...
Her boyfriend is back on Saturday right? She can go get a room until then and she can watch all the MTV, cuss, etc. that she wants...I feel sorry for her baby also!!!
Are you involved in talk therapy? I ask because you seem to post a lot about crossing boundaries and I wonder if this is something you should be talking about with your therapist?
You seem to allow everyone in your life to walk all over you and if what you've posted here is an actual situation you've experienced - I think you need to maybe get some help from someone outside of internet message boards in identifying what is ok and what isn't ok - and how to command respect for your boundaries.
You've been very open about your specific issues here on the forums - which is why I felt comfortable suggesting you might seek some advice from a professional.
Good luck.
You definitely did the right thing in protecting your children and the houseguest needs to go, if she hasn't already.
Please tell me she's gone. You should not tolerate that for a minute, no more chances, she needs a wake up call and if that means she sleeps on a park bench tonight it wouldn't bother me one bit! How does a person like that even function in the Job Corps?
I am glad you stood up for your boys and yourself! In some way I feel sorry that she grew up in the system, and clearly wasn't taught how to behave. BUT...she sounds like a nightmare, and I fear for her baby, as someone else said. It actually surprises me that she has friends with such limited social skills.
HouseGuest needs go right now. Immediately. If she doesn't have anywhere to go, she can sit on the front porch until she finds somewhere else. I would absolutely NOT let her back through your front door.
This is a perfect time to step up and role model for your kids. Your teenage son, especially, does not need to receive the message that it's okay for people to be rude to him.
My mother had terrible issues with boundaries, let people walk all over her (including my father) and as a result both my brother and I have been struggling with boundaries ever since. It's created a ton of misery for everyone involved.
If she refuses to leave or tries to talk you out of it, CALL THE POLICE. This woman has no business in your home. Also, by standing firm, you may be the ONE person in her life to make it known that she cannot behave like this.
I don't think there are any second chances when it comes to your children. No one should ever be given the leeway of two strikes if they're targeting your family.
I don't think she needs therapy. She just sounds like too nice a person. I let my sister, her husband and their 3 kids stay with me while they were waiting to get into their "New Place"3 months later, I found out that the only "New Place" they had was my home and I was footing all of the bills for a family of 5. I hated to do it but they had to go. I was going to work 5 days a week and spending the whole weekend cleaning up the house while they (both were unemployed) spent their weekdays messing up the house and the weekends out having fun. My mom had a fit so I told her they can come stay with her! She called my dad and told him to let them stay with him. My dad quickly gave them the money for a new apartment, Lol!
I had to kick my cousin out of my house (took him to a local shelter) because he clearly had no empathy for my child. I remember one day (after observing several days of similar behavior) she was crying and he continued to talk like nothing was going on. I remember asking him "ARE YOU DEAF? CAN YOU NOT SEE THE BABY IS UPSET?" some people do not need to be around children.
Good luck and please keep us posted.
P.S He also later admitted he did not like to be around children. He said it made him nervous and uncomfortable. I am so glad I kicked him out before anything happened.
She is leaving first thing in the morning. M.C. and I had a talk, then she talked to houseguest. M.C. said she would've talked to her before now but was afraid of what she might do in retaliation. I told M.C. no one else is allowed to come with her here now, she said she understood and apologized profusely for houseguest's behavior. Houseguest also told me today in general conversation that she is bipolar and has had to go off her meds while she is pregnant. I simply said that I understood bipolar disorder as I'm also a patient, but if I ever felt angry around a mixed group of people, I simply left the room instead of yelling or taking my anger out on people. She just put her head down and quietly went to the guest room and closed the door. Then I heard her tell her boyfriend on her cell: "You need to come get me first thing in the morning" so what a relief!
BrandyHagz: I do see a therapist, twice a month at this time. I haven't said too much about our adoption to her yet, I've had other things going on with my mental illness and medication side effects etc. I'm sorry to bother any of you with this. I thought I could find adoption and adoption related support here either in addition to what my therapist and other support people in my life tell me. I do thank those of you that have given me support and even those of you that maybe offered advice I didn't seem to appreciate. Sometimes it is hard to hear the truth.
Thanks everyone for responding...
Blessings, Michelle
You shouldn't have to apologize for coming here for advice. You stood up for your kids, and you should be applauded. Hang in there. :)
P.S.- your inbox is full, as I tried to PM you and couldn't.
Oh, sorry about that...I had forgotten to renew my premium membership, which I think allows you more PM space. I def. did some deleting...I can be PM'ed now again.
Blessings, Michelle
I don't think she needs therapy. She just sounds like too nice a person.
Well, sometimes the reason people are "too nice" is that they really aren't aware of what the range of healthy boundaries is.
I don't know Michelle, so I can't say that's true for her, but I have a couple of friends who fit into this category and really, it would be terrific if they had a trusted therapist tell them "You don't have to put up with that" because they don't necessarily believe it when friends and family say it.
I have the opposite problem. I am very aware of my boundaries and that potential houseguest would have been put out on the side of the road when she laughed about burping and passing gas in my car.
It may be that she hasn't had any opportunities in her life to learn appropriate social behavior, so I would certainly tell her why I was putting her out; she could keep that little tidbit of info in her files for future reference and think about it as she walked wherever she needed to go.