Advertisements
I am an adoptee and I have known my entire life that I am adopted. I was adopted from Poland, and I know minimal about my birthparents (not good things) and nothing about my birthfamily. As I am getting older I have noticed that I have HUGE jealously issues to the point where I become enraged and almost violent/suicidal. I have a very loving bf but I am extremely jealous. I cannot even watch tv with him because I get so uncomfortable and jealous when there are good looking girls on tv. I cannot go anywhere with him without scoping out every place we go for good looking women and then I watch him the entire time to make sure he doesnt look at them. I torture myself on a daily basis with thoughts of him masturbating to playboy/porn (when he barely even does that, I know because we live together and he knows how I get with that stuff) and I constantly think of him looking at other women. He doesnt go out without me because I am scared he'll look at other women. I know i get jealous like this because I feel insecure and I think if he looks at other women that they are better than me and I am not good enough. I understand that this has a direct connection to being adopted but I DESPERATELY NEED HELP TO STOP IT. It's taking over my life to the point that I will think of it constantly throughout the day almost like I actually enjoy getting upset about it. I have been borderline suicidal with thoughts of him looking and fantasizing about other women to the point that I would rather be alone, which is not what I truely want b/c he is such a loving person. He is NOT in any way a pervert and I know it's only natural to look but this is seriously taking over my life. When I think about it, it makes me want to be violent towards him and I know this isnt right because he IS such a good guy!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP
Like
Share
Advertisements
Personally - I don't think this is so much related to adoption. Maybe if you had a serious fear of being abandoned, for example - - that I can relate to. But as an adoptee, I don't have any experience with this, and so I tend to think that it's not related to being adopted.
Some do believe that jealousy is related to attachment disorder, but the only research I can find related to this is focused on adopted kids who are jealous of their siblings, who are their parents biological child.
I think that many adopted people feel insecure and therefore worry that their significant other may leave them or cheat on them or whatever - but, so do countless people who AREN'T adopted. Jealous can stem from feeling rejected, but perhaps it's not the rejection related to being relinquished for adoption, but rejection of a past boyfriend?
I think this is an issue that you must face regardless, but I wouldn't blame your jealousy issues on your adoption.
I think that jealousy stems from insecurity - - maybe seek out a counselor? Or, sit down and make a list of the things you're insecure about, physical and other. Maybe once you see it all out on paper it'll start to come together for you, and you'll be able to make some kind of change for yourself in an effort to become less jealous.
I think that a lot of adopted people are so quick to blame a problem they're having on their adoption, because they may not have an answer for what has happened, but that doesn't solve anything, you know? So many adoptees say they've never had issues with abandonment, or insecurity, etc. and some say they have, but it had nothing to do with being adopted.
If you're feeling like you could get violent - then I think seeing a counselor is necessary.