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Ok, here is the situation. My daughter has RAD. Not fun, but a fact none the less. She is now 5 years old and we decided that since our son did so great last year with virtual school, we would do the same with her. Well, the beginning of the year has been rocky , but so was the beginning of the year last year with her brother. Well, now I am seeing her pulling away from people that she would normally interact with. I should note that she has never been very social, so this has already been a concern. She is starting to withdraw more into herself when we are around others. She is fine at home with me, my husband and her brother, but she can't even handle being at my sister's house with her four kids. She has even gone back to pottying herself.
I took the kids to the doctor today and he states that he thinks I should put "K" back in the brick and mortar school in a small class setting to force her to socialize. So, I did all of the necessary stuff that I could manage to get done in one day, talked to her OT and spoke with the brick and mortar school and talked to her old Early Childhood teacher. Unfortunately, I was unable to get ahold of anyone at the virtual school for any advice or ideas.
Academically "K" is doing fine, it is socially that she seems to be shying away from people.
So, here are my options, put "K" back at the brick and mortar school in Kindergarten, full day with 20 other students, and see how it goes. (She would have her old EC teacher with her for half of the day). Put her in Kindergarten (20 students) 1/2 day and then 1/2 day in EC 6 students), or keep her at home with the virtual school and wait it out and see how it goes.
I have already signed her up for Daisy Scouts and thought about possibly sending her to a daycare (with small class size) for a couple hours once a week.
Any thoughts or ideas? When we took her to summer school, she freaked out and ran to us screaming and trembling as if they torture the children. So this is a real fear.
"K" is only 5 and technically doesn't, by law, have to go to school until she is 6. Is it possible that she is just not socially mature enough to handle so many other kids at one time? Would it be horrible to keep her home and see how it goes?
I am so torn...:confused:
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The #1 message my daughter's therapist keeps repeating is that kids who suffer RAD are afraid that they're going to lose their family. That fear is the foundation for the vast majority of their behaviors. Anything I can do for my daughter to aid with bonding and reduce her fear of losing me is good. Turning her over to the public school system to be forced into their mold is not so good but probably necessary at this time. Your daughter is afraid that she's going to lose you. That fear is the basis for everything she does, including withdrawing from others and forgetting that she's potty trained. I'm not an expert--just another mom trying to figure this all out before my daughter gets too old to heal--but I can't imagine that your daughter's sudden shyness/apprehension around others is a bad thing. If you can keep her home and help her with her lessons that's truly going to be the best thing for her. The #2 message our therapist keeps drilling on is that any child adopted after infancy has suffered trauma. Whatever it was that put them in need of adoption has impacted them in a negative way and can result in not only RAD but also PTSD. Forcing your daughter into situations that she can't control may be more than she can handle right now. The fact that she seems to be developing her trust in you and her immediate family is probably a good thing and worth continuing whatever is bringing it about. I wish I actually knew what I was talking about and could give you some real advice on how to proceed, but it sounds like you're doing what's best.
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Have you looked for a homeschool support group in your area? Meetup.com can be a good way to find one, and you could always search in yahoo groups. A group that meets once a week for field trips could work well for you. She'd still have her family with her but could get to know the other kids a little at a time. Groups that have frequent park days are another good option. There are also brick and mortar programs for homeschooling. My daughter is in one through our county and she's able to go on field trips and take classes a few times a week on subjects that interest her. It's not overwhelming socially, which is a concern since she's got Asperger's. She goes for a few hours, comes home and does work, then goes to her afterschool fun classes like art and swimming. She only goes two or three times a week usually. It's been a great option for us.
Covenant-Everything that you say makes complete sense. I really feel that if I send her to the brick and mortar that she will withdraw from us as well. In the last six months she has really seemed to be very attached.
Rhonda-Thanks for the idea. I will check into that and see what I can find. :)
I think you have a gotten good advice here and I second it.
My dd's first year home she went to a small- 30 kids 5 teachers in the whole school- school. She couldnt handle it. in public school she would need a 1-1 aide.
She is at a therapuetic school this year and LOVES it, 3 kids 1 teacher- therapuetic style of discipline. Unfortunately its cost is unsustainable for us (3000 a month) so I am looking ofr ways to homeschool next year. even at therapuetic school- she worries all day that I will not return. her journal daily says "I love mommy. Mommy loves me. I love mommy. I am her girl. Mommy loves me. Mommy takes care of me."
shes been home a year. she is less frightened now than in the past, but it is still always there. the deep fear that I will abandon her. that she will misbehave and I will "send her back".
(((hugs))) Anything you can do to help her feel secure- do it.
Well, after many phone calls today I finally spoke with someone that understood RAD. I explained this in another thread already, but what it boils down to is that by putting her into the brick and mortar school may have the effect of throwing her into the deep end of a pool. She may swim, but there is a really good chance she may drown as well. There is too much not controlled at the public brick and mortar school for her to feel safe. She is finally really starting to build the neurons in her brain to form attachments, albeit not the normal route, but finding a new path to attachment. I would say that emotionally she fits into the category of a three year old right now. But academically she is just fine. And if we put her back into brick and mortar, it could cause a damage so deep in her emotionally that she may never be able to make lasting, meaningful attachments, ever.
Finally I feel as if someone in the educational system understands.
I want to thank you all for your advice and personal experience (tx). I hope you don't mind but I did use that information when speaking to the schools today to explain what I was seeing and possibly what may be going on with her. The special education instructor had spoken with the school psychotherapist, who completely agreed with everything you all said :). So, I'm not going crazy after all.:banana:
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