really!?!

It seems (to me) that you didn't say anything offensive or hurtful, but she is probably a bit emotional about it all, too, just in a different way. It hit a nerve for her, but it wouldn't have taken much to hit that nerve. In fact, you could possibly have hit the same nerve had you neglected to mention the day. I would consider it a case of you can't please all of the people all of the time, and do what you need to do for your family. By the way... congratulations! :)

I didn't think I said anything mean, but there are times that I don't see what I say as mean when it is. Thanks! It's been a rollercoaster of emotions for everyone the past 2 years, expecaily for DD who is 7. I just hope and pray that things get better for everyone too! DD wanted to celebrate her adoption day this year, so we had her favorite dinner and a cake. Nothing big, no presents; but just enough to make DD happy.

Yes that is all I posted for the day on DD's blog. Just again I feel like I'm the bad person. Birth mom made the decision to let me adopt DD, no one forced her to do it. I should be able to post that the adoption is a happy day for me without feeling bad about it, because her feelings are hurt. There's so much negitive things I could say if I wanted to hurt birthmoms feelings and I don't because I know that's not right and I wouldn't want someone to say negitive stuff about me like that. *I'm just rambling; sorry* I found out that DD said *** in class last week and now the teacher wants to talk to me over the phone about DD, so I'm just.... yeah! lol

but as adoptive moms we must remember that while it was probably one of the happiest days for us that it was probably one of the worst days for our birth families, that said I do not know if having the blog open is such a great idea because you should be able to share ya feelings without concern for hurting bm feeling on your blog. make a seperate blog just for updates for mom

So if it was a blog just for birthmom what would be the highlights or what shouldn't be posted for not wanting to upset birthmom. I'm so new to this and am great at saying things I shouldn't. LOL

Oh my, that is a hard one. You did not mean to hurt her, so that is really important. The adoption day may represent the "destruction" of her own family to "her" and I don't know how to reconcile that on a blog where it represents the wonderful creation of "your family" kwim? (((sarah))))We know your heart is pure on this and you know that.

Thanks! This site has made me realize some things I didn't and so far always in the end has made me feel better. :happydance:

No need to feel guilty for celebrating your dd's adoption day or posting about it. Just realize to bmom it likely felt like a slap in the face. However...that's HER issue to deal with - not yours. We can't always censor ourselves for the sake of others.That said, maybe you can set it so she doesn't have access to things you say regarding the adoption and how you feel about it. It's her issue, but now knowing how it bothers her, if you have an open relationship and want to keep things pleasant for dd, then making some minor changes will help keep the peace. This way you aren't censoring or worrying about hurting her feelings and she's still able to read the general things about dd.

thank you! I do try to watch what I say and where I say it at.

I know it wasn't deliberately mean, but on a blog where your child's birthmom and her family have access, it does come off as a bit insensitive, at least to my ears as a birth mother. Not the "Happy Adoption Day" part, but the details about how you were so afraid the judge would say no, and all the rest. I can see where it can seem like you were "rubbing it in" as this is likely a very sad day for the birth mother and family, regardless of the fact that she made the decision to terminate her parental rights. I think that if your child's birth family has access to this particular blog, you'd would want to be more sensitive about what you say in it. I'm not saying to tiptoe around everything, but I might "tone down" some of the posts that call attention to her loss, or else, as others have suggested, make those posts unavailable to your child's birth family. Just MHO. Given that, I must say that the birth mother's response was out of line. It's one thing to be upset, but she didn't need to call you the names she did.

So I just took the post out of the blog. Now to remember to watch what I post will be the next step. I really want to try on this. I need to share DD's life with birthmom, because birthmom gave my a great gift by letting me adopt my stepdaughter. Why could I of seen that three years ago, I blame being 22 had something to do with it and dosen't help all the negitive things coming from family about birthmom.

The bmom of my DD acts the same way. If I post any anniversary dates (Birthdate, Placement, TPR, Finalization) I get labeled as the most cruel person in the history of the world. These dates are happy dates for me and my family, but sad and depressing dates for her. I can't change my feelings of happiness and excitement , and she can't change her feelings of sadness and grief. Post the things you want... what you wrote seemed to be honest and sincere and very much like the things I post on our anniversary dates.

Did she post that in your blog, or just in her profile or somewhere else? It could have nothing to do with you, and if it does, it is her reaction to a loss that can never really be recovered from...so let her feel her feelings and let you feel your feelings. If she wrote that as a reply on your blog, then I would moderate your blog so her reply is not public, and ask her to refrain from swearing on your blog. Just know she has every right to express her feelings on her own profile/blog/page as you do yours.