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Looks like my almost 3 week old foster daughter is going to be with her mom tomorrow in the rehab facility. We knew this was a possibility, but I'm feeling so down right now. Sometimes I wonder if we will ever get to adopt and if this is all worth it. I look at this baby and all of the baby stuff and know tomorrow she will be gone and back with mom who has at least 2 other kids in care and 1 who will probably be adopted...I can't help but think that this is so unfair at times. Sorry to be a downer, but I need to vent to people who understand. My family just gets mad at the "system" which doesn't help because then they try to convince us to quit fostering which I really don't want to do. It's just painful to have your hopes up, love a baby, and then have to give them back to a very questionable birth parent. Thanks for listening.-Kate
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ah, Kate, so sorry you are down. It is definitely hard, but just know that the right baby is out there for you. I got into fostering NOT looking to adopt. 46 foster children later, I have my daughter. Dont ask me how, but from the day the worker carried her through my door, I just knew she would stay forever. One other thing, "it aint over till its over" is a very fitting motto - especially with this mommy and me drug rehab programs. When they work, they work well and the moms are usually quite strong and ready to parent when they come out of there (if they succeed through the program). In the meantime, take some comfort in at least knowing there are many more eyes on that baby as compared to if she were being reunited to mom NOT in a program. And most importantly, if mom slips up, cant follow the rules, etc., the baby will go back into placement. So by all means, let your worker, her worker, her law guardian, the judge and everyone you can think of (in writing!) that while you hope mom succeeds, IF baby needs to go back into placement, you want her back!! Prayers and good thoughts coming your way!!
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I am sorry you are sad:( Hugs. Vent anytime.One thing you might want to consider is querying the placement worker VERY carefully about the plan for the child. For instance, how long has the child been in the system? Is the child considered fost-adopt (no guarantee but the odds are a little better)? What is the current involvement of the birth parents?It is hard to think of all that when you have baby hunger and someone wants to give you one to care for. But perhaps write a list of questions and post them by the phone and remember to ask them.You also might want to stop taking babies for a bit since they are soooooooo easy to love and sooooooo hard to lose.
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Hi girls.
I am doing okay. It's very difficult. When we received the call, they told us that the baby was most likely going to be considered pre-adoptive because this mom has two kids who are in the adoptive unit already and she, nor the father, have never followed a case plan. It just goes to show you that judges have all the power in the world...The judge offered her a case plan and she's following it, but the dad has already checked out of his treatment facility and quit. The sad thing is the caseworker said it's not the drugs that she can't stop, it's the relationship with the dad and the court has ordered no contact. The facility she's in is very strict too. The caseworker says he really doesn't know how this is going to go, but he's skeptical. He also told me they would contact me first if the baby needs to return to care. I'm not holding on to hope though. Strangely enough, if DYFS called today with another placment, I'd take it. I'm just one of those crazy people who needs to stay busy in order to be sane! Thanks for asking about me!-Kate
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