How do you have fun with your RAD child??

Would he enjoy nature walks? Hiking? Camping? Those are some of the thing we do. We also wash the car, read, go to shows. Occasionally I am able to praise her, but more often i just say "Did you like it? good." Because IF it was enjoyable to ME then that would throw her over the edge. (How dare I derive pleasure from her?) But that SHE enjoyed it is important to her.

A lot of rad kid cannot handle being praised. If you told someone else he did well where he overheard you, that would be okay. Saying-I enjoyed walking with you(once) goes in okay sometimes. I use to take mine to a camp ground, especially before the season opened. One of my now 22 year old's favorite memories was of us playing Tom sawyer on the boat dock of this dirty lake there. We went outside as much as possible. Finger painted rocks with paint at first and then mud(mud is theraputic, imo). My kids then mud painted themselves and army crawled off to play soldier(and they rarely played without my assistance back then) Cooking together can be fun sometimes. Loud music and bad singing was always fun. Swimming usually went well. One son that I home schooled walked with me everyday for an hour and a half. He didn't often say much. I talked, though. I talked about things I did at his age, things and places I thought might interest him. I tried to be careful not to use that time as lecture time or here's how you should behave time. Reading-even with older kids can be good. I use to lay on my kids beds at night and read them books. I picked ones on their age level and read a few chapters at a time(one son couldn't stand it and would finish the book the next day) I found it best never to tell my sons the plans ahead of time. Otherwise, they often made sure it either didn't happen or was a miserable experience. My kids loved helping with service projects we did at church or other places.

that is my best piece of advice....definitely the one that we found to be most successful.

That is exactly what he's trying to do. His past taught him that he is unlovable, unworthy, unacceptable, bad, terrible, awful........ The list goes on. As you know, your job is to demonstrate to him that his self-image is dreadfully wrong. I think this is where the "time in" idea comes into play -- rather than giving him any sort of time out when his behavior is ugly (time away from you, which reinforces his negative self-image), make him stay close to you. Hug him. Tell him he's a good kid. Just keep him close and keep repeating the positive messages that his brain can't handle yet; eventually the wall will start to crumble. It won't be easy but you can be strong for his sake. I think what txwannabemom said about activities having to be fun for the child is a good point. Try not to let your son know that you're having a good time with him or his self-image issues will push him to "fix" that.

I am just sneaky about it! I do it spontaneously and I don't ask if they want to do something with me. I will just join in whatever they are doing. (I see my son shooting hoops, I run out there and start shooting with him, I make a shot and then say "ok if you can make it from the same spot, you get a point" He doesn't realize that I just started up a game with him.) I also keep it in short spurts...10 minutes at a time and I quit before they catch on and start sabotaging. If we play board games I say right off the bat that cheating ends the game and I win. I only play one game and then we are done. Cooking works for my dd because it is an everyday task and she doesn't realize that it is alone time. I compliment them indirectly. Like "Honey, you wouldn't believe how good J is getting at basketball." If they come back with a negative "No I'm not." I will just tell them that I wasn't talking to them I was talking to daddy! hehehe See how sneaky I am! That whole "It's gonna be a bad day" stuff would backfire on my kiddos. I would join in and help them make sure it was a really bad day. Like "Oh darn, I was planning on renting you that movie you wanted and getting icecream tonight! Now we can't do any of that cuz it is going to be a BAD day!" I would follow through with it too! That's just how I am. I understand the feeling about never being able to have a good time with your kids. It is hard. I have had to tone down my personality some because of it. I just hope that one day we are healed enough for me to be myself with them and not have to "pay for it"!;)