New update on a very old (long) story

October 12, 2010

Many times I wish I had done what SadMomma did and kept one thread going through the entire process. Instead my story has been spread out over the years and amongst multiple forums.

I have been away for a while. Sometimes it just got to be too much. I *do* still have my son and he is now 8 years old. He is happy and healthy and has a wonderful life. Unfortunately my case has never had final closure. My case has certainly had a lot of things, but closure is not one of them.

That said - it is still hard sometimes to imagine that even after 8 years my case is not finalized and the one who "backed out" (but only judicially) - is still possible to continue the horrible nightmare I went through for so long.

For those of you who have lost your son (or daughter) in a failed or contested adoption I am so very sorry for you. The pain is so strong that it feels impossible sometimes to give adoption another chance. So please do not think that I am trying to compare my case to yours - I'm not. But there is a special case for those of us who never get closure - never get to feel that it is okay just to love with abandon - never are free from the courts and the nightmare - just get to BE a MOM. I do still feel like I am looking over my shoulder and "waiting" "preparing" - even though it has now been 3 years without active court intervention.

I just wanted to tell those of you who so generously gave to me, over so many years, your time and love and support. I want you to know that you helped me and you helped my son. Time and again I was back on the boards terrified my son was being taken away from me over the years and I thank you for being here for me.

So things are better - not settled, not tied up in a pretty little package - but my son is happy and that is what matters most.

:love: