Birth Mama Drama!

If the adoption is final, you can ask FB to have the pictures removed. No one can use pictures of yourself or your minor children without your consent.

Thank you! I did not think it was her place to do so!

That is one thing that in our agreement for periodic visitation is grounds to end visits permanently. I dont know that I would go to that extrememe, but it is there if I should ever feel the need. I would probably ask nicely that she remove them. If not, I would contact FB.

We have no contact with her. We fostered to adopt and she relinquised her rights.... I have to send her photos and a letter annually. Other than that she knows nothing about me or where we live or even our names... That being said... would you contact her our have Social Services contact her?

I see you are in North Carolina, in NC open adoption agreements are not legally enforceable. I would say to her that if she doesn't remove the pictures you will stop giving her photos & updates. And never again send her a digital copy of a pic (I know she could always scan it, but it at least gives you a bit of protection). Assuming your adoption is final, I wouldn't bother DHS with this (they are so backlogged in some places it will be easier to deal with her your self, which is probably what they'll tell you to do anyway). Here is a link for myspace to hopefully get the pics removed. I hear that myspace is harder to deal with than Facebook...so I don't know how easy it would be. [url=http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=cms.viewpage&placement=safety_pageparents]MySpace[/url]

I don't have her address... they send all the letters and pictures for me... I also do not email them... she is scanning them in.... :(

And I don't think it would be out of line to let them know you won't be sending her anymore pictures until the pictures that are out there are removed.

Hello, from a legal stand point those kids are yours and the birthmom have no rights to post pic of the kids. You can have that stop immediately.

Hello ,my husband and I have a one year old daughter who we are not finishing up legal process for her to be ours legally but all paper work was filed for BM abandonment of our daughter. Can one help ease my mind with suggestions or if you have experience this process.

Hey-can I give a little different thought? Before you get really aggressive and threaten to never send pictures again and all that, could you just calmly ask (or have the social worker ask) for her to take them down?? Social networking is so huge for the current generation. It is very likely that she is excited to show off pictures of people she loves and sees no harm or danger in it, and isn't intentionally upsetting you. People post pictures on facebook of other people's children ALL. THE. TIME. Perhaps you could give her the benefit of the doubt that if you ask or let her know you are uncomfortable, she will take them down. If not, then go from there, but give her a chance frist.

What good will be served by having her remove pictures of her children? The reality of every adopted child is that they have two mothers and fathers. Adoptees can be attached to both sets of parents without feeling that they must sacrifice one for another. Putting them in that position will cause serious harm to them and the family

I think the good is that these are not her pictures to share, and some people are not comfortable having their children's pictures in a publicly viewable place. The birthmom has the right to these pictures, but other people do not, and the legal parents have the right to say that. I know people who do not choose to put pictures of their children on myspace and facebook because they are concerned about privacy. Also, when children see parents setting appropriate boundaries for them, they learn how to set boundaries for themselves.

This is a really interesting thread. We just adopted our DD who was born in june and will be finalized in january. I am on FB with the Bmom, Bdad, and some of the other Bfamily. We have an open adoption with them and they come to our house on average once to twice a month. Our Bmom always takes pics of her and our DD and post them on facebook. I never even questioned it. It has always been a little sad to see her profile pic of her and our DD but I never had any bad or negative feelings about her posting pics. I know she wants to show her off to her friends and family on how cute and big she is. I really don't mind at all. The only thing at first that bothered me is having her call her by her name that she gave her at birth and called herself mommy at first. I mentioned it to our social worker that it bothered me and she talked to our Bmom and gave her a fake situation (I didn't want her to know I told on her) and she stopped immediately. I guess you just have to do what is comfortable for you and your family. This is definatly a new era with computers and technology and it's not lilke it used to be. We are going to our bfamilies house this saturday for their families christmas and I'm sure there will be alot of pics taken and posted. Anyway good luck!