I am so scared, but he deserves EVERYTHING

Bi-Polar disorder can be very treatable. Are you on meds? Have they worked in the past? Have you been taking them regularily?

I imagine you are thinking about adoption for your son, since you are posting here. Please forgive me if I have misunderstood. Adoption certainly is an option. Of course, it is not without its problems. Adoption could be very hard on you, and iotcould prove a very difficult adjustment for your child. But if you are concerned that you may harm your child and after reviewing all of your options you do not feel that you are able to parent, it could be the best alternative for both you and your son. The fact that you are concerned for his well-being and are considering your options shows that you have your son's best interest in mind, even if you are struggling with your own attachment issues. It seems to me that you need some adoption sepcific counseling from someone with an unbiased point of view who also has experience with adoption and attachment issues. Bromanchick is a user on this site who can lead you to a good counselor. This is something you will need to learn a lot about and review all of your options before moving forward. Off the top of my head I can think of several possible options including respite foster care. A private adoption of a toddler is defintley possible. but I would want to have lots of counseling available for you, your child and the adoptive parents, if you go that route. I don't know enough about this but there might be a way to ease the transition and continue to have a relationship with your child so that he understands that while you were unable to parent, you made a safe plan for him and never stopped loving him. I hope you can get help and answers, because I sense that you want very much to do whatever is right for your child. My thoughts are with you.

I have been off and on so many different meds since the age of 15 I can't even count. At this time I am on meds that are no longer as effective as they once were. My counsler of many years has turned worthless and I have been thrown back and forth between so many prescription writers it's ridicuolous--they are more worried about you getting addicted or selling the drugs they prescribe you than the effectiveness of what works. Recently they have been wanting to shove sleeping pills down my throat (hello-I have a three year old)-all types of theese pills I have taken have adverse affects on me. Believe me, I have no problem speaking my mind...we have had several situations. My anxiety and depression are through the roof-no anti-depressants though, very very bad. It is almost like they want me to fail!!!

Yes, adoption is one of my major considerations right now--I am not being overly dramatic in saying I have absolutely no support systems. I came here in hopes to get perspective. One thing I would NEVER do to my child is respite foster care, I've known many people over the years who have been permenately scarred from this, as well as in my state there is always something absolutely horrid happening "right under he nose" of the foster system. My son is SO intelligent and SO advanced I am scared for his reaction to losing me (although I don't understand his attachment to me in the first place), I myself do not believe I will recover from giving him up-but I am not the one that matters, he is-to be honest I just want to make shure he is safe and be done-like go to a hospital or something. My life has been nothing but hell.

I think you may have posted the same situation earlier this month and gotten the same advice to seek unbiased counsel. Maybe easier said than done, ok. Having gone through a long, drawn-out situation with a family member having MI, I'd like to ask you to reevaluate your "no support" position. I have to be frank to say what I think might be helpful; I hope you receive it in the kindest possible way. It is based on our own experience fostering and ultimately adopting the daughter of family members having MI and observing not just our own reactions and actions but those of other family members on all sides. It also makes some assumptions regarding what you mean when you say "no support," so if it is misguided there, please accept my apologies. It is quite possible, as you may have realized, that your family is less engaged with you or has even withdrawn because of the exhaustion and difficulty that can follow on dealing with a person who has MI. Family loves, family wants to help, family tries to be supportive, but there is a limit to the toxicity and exhaustion they can expend without making themselves sick as well. When they hit that limit, when they can no longer be of use to you anyway, they stop. Regret, guilt, and sorrow are surely always there in these situations, sometimes masked by hostility and anger. All this might be what you perceive, but it has to do with you, not your son. He may at the moment be cut off because of it but it is not because of how they feel about him or dealing with him. They may believe or have experienced that they can't be there for him without engaging your anger or drama or neediness or whatever it is that has caused them to step back from your life. But--now that you are looking for a practical and loving solution for your son, one based on your own realistic recognition and acknowledgment of your own situation and limits, you might want to reconsider talking to your family about it. For this, someone might be willing and able to step up in some way, maybe adoption, maybe something else along the lines of helping you navigate the mental healthcare system more effectively, maybe something else again. If adoption, that would give your son the gift of keeping his own familial identity, establishing bonds with his own family, claiming his heritage and legacy and, you'd hope, the love and embrace of his family. In our daughter's case and those of others who have adopted family members on these boards, this kind of placement has been a huge blessing. She sees people who look like her, move like her, sound like her, have family stories of which she is a part, have talents and likes and dislikes that reflect her own, and on and on. She feels at home here in a way she never did in other foster placements. It doesn't always work out well in every case, of course. Every family is different and finding the right fit with your son--someone who will have the understanding and patience, etc., may or may not possible, I don't know. But I just think you should give it a second think-through for his sake. I should add, though, that boundaries in such situations are important to keeping things on a safe and healthy track for all and if your family is worth being his family, they will establish and keep the boundaries he needs to be safe and thrive. That may mean losing them and him again to some extent. I hope you are able to find some answers for yourself and your son. I am so sorry you are in such pain, but if you are beginning to lose control, seeking help is the best start. :loveyou: Hadley

First of all - I don't even know if I am qualified to be commenting, but - I am an adoptee, and do not have children, but I just felt compelled to reply. If there is a part of you - even a small part of you - that wants to keep your son, then I suggest that you seek out some support. Do a Google search for the social services office in your county, and maybe call there and tell them that you need to meet with someone and find out what resources are available to you. I would tell them that you need assistance finding a new therapist, who can work with you to prescribe the right combination of medication to treat your health issues, to begin with. Do you think that some of your feelings regarding raising your son are related to not being on the right medication? If you do feel like you should relinquish your parental rights, I would call social services and explain your situation - I imagine your son would go into foster care until he was adopted. I would not want you to drop your son off at a 'safe haven' location, like a police station, because I think that would be extremely traumatizing for both you and your son. He is 3, and you say he is very intelligent...he has the ability to love you despite any flaws you may have. If you think that you could become a more involved, successful parent but just need some support, you do have options and you can find support. You do not want to terminate the rights to your son and then regret it later, when you realize that it is too late. A 3 year old has the capacity to remember a lot, you know? But kids are also very resilient. If you think that you want to parent your son, seek out the help you need. It sounds like you know that you need new medication - maybe you start there. Then you find out if there are parenting classes available to you, and find a new therapist. Maybe by healing yourself you will then feel differently about parenting. I am not trying to convince you to parent, but I know that a lot of people here would tell you that it is preferable for a child to be raised with their biological parent whenever possible. If you can get the support you need, then I believe raising your son would be possible.

Usually, I'd try and dissuade somebody in your situation from going right to adoption. But you say you don't think your son is safe around you. That means that some sort of action has to be taken right away, to keep both him and you safe.I know you're skeptical about the foster care system. But I'm a foster mom, and my son's bmom has bipolar, so I know a little bit about how a situation like yours might pan out. (I'm not looking for another child, so this isn't at all an attempt to get involved in your situation).There are lots of really, really good people foster parenting. And DSS can help get your case through the system so that you can do two things at once: you can have Plan A, which is you getting help and getting on your feet and parenting again. And you can have PLan B at the same time, which is having your son fostered by a family that can adopt him if you need for them to be there for him.I really, really encourage you to consider contacting the Department of Social Services. Give me a PM if I can give you more information before you make contact with them.I'm thinking of you, and wishing you and your wonderful son all the best.

if you need someone to talk too please call me 228 261 0016 also if you want someone to help you let me know i wil be thinking of you

:fish: take care of yourself ok and i hope to hear from you

Three is a challenging age, being a single parent is very challenging, having mental issues must make it almost unbearable. I am a single mom and there are days when I feel really overwhelmed, I can't imagine adding other stressors on top of it. My suggestion is to contact DCFS or any family support services in your area and get some help (if you haven't already) with child care, support services and parenting classes. Let them know that you need help and support in order to be a better parent to your child. If they feel your child is in danger, they may place him and have you work a case plan, but in most cases (without evident abuse/neglect) DCFS works very hard to keep families together and give parents the skills they need to be better/happier parents. I am an adoptive mother, but I will say, that if there is any way to find help, with rest and perspective you may feel differently or you may not, but you will have at least taken this step, before making a major life altering decision.

Are there any friends or neighbors you can trust? How about the father's family? It sounds like you are at the end of your rope. You said you were diagnosed bipolar, are you currently in a manic phase? Is that why the prescribed the sleeping pills? I can understand your concerns, after reading your posts I am concerned too. I think respite care is most likely your best bet, whether provided by family or friends as it sounds as you do not trust DHS. Is there a recipient rights group in your area that advocates for individuals with mental health issues? They also might be a good resource. PM me if you think I can help.

I am so happy that you recognize the need for help. I hope that you find an answer.