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I am not sure if I am posting in the proper forum but I will start here. I desperately need help. I currently have no idea where to do or what I can do. This is a long story but I am telling the entire story because that is the only way I will really be able to get help.I have a little girl who is currently 8 years old, almost 9. In 2003 my mom somehow managed to get "emergency temporary custody" of her. I was only 19 and had no way to seek legal advice. I called the police and was told that it was set in stone and there was nothing I could do. There was no court case for this. There was a case in 2002 where I did go to court because my mom had filed for e.t.c but the judge said I was competent and denied her. This is the ONLY time I ever went to court. In 2005 I tried to join the military. I was told by the recriter that I was not able to join while being a single parent and having custody of my daughter. I told him that my mom already had temporary custody of her. He told me that that was not enough. He said that I had to give up full custody of her for one year (bootcamp and school). I called my mom and told her what I needed to do. I thought I was doing the best thing. Being in the military would ensure a paycheck, housing, and insurance for my daughter. I wanted to be able to provide for her and give her everything she needed. At this point in time I was currently in North Carolina and my mom and daughter were in Florida. (not sure if that matters) Well my mom sent me paperwork she got from a lawyer and it said grandparent adoption. I read it but did not fully understand it. I tried to go to a lawyer to be advised on what it really was but no one would talk to me without a retainer. My mom is the only family I have so there was no one else I could ask. I told her I was not going to sign anything that said adoption. She proceeded to tell me that it was just legal terms and that doing it this way was the easiest way that it would be reverable. I also went back to the recruting office and asked 5 different people and they all said that this was the paper they needed in order for me to be able to join. So I signed the paper. (I do have friends that know the circumstances of me signing this paper, what I was trying to do, and what I had been told and thought.) Afterwards I moved back home with my mom where I was taking care of my daughter everyday. (I guess I should add that for the first year of her life no one but me took care of her. I did not know that the tempoary custody had happened until I got my first house and tried to move out with my daughter only to have the paper thrown in my face.) I spent the next year waiting for these recruiters to do their job. In the process I started dating someone whom I ended up living with because my mom kicked me out of the house. (We don't get along, can you tell?) Of course I was not allowed to take my daughter with me; however, I did continue to take care of her on a daily basis. I never ended up being able to go into the military. The recruiters were screwing around and I gave up because it was just one problem after another and they weren't doing their job. So I dummped the loser boyfriend and ended up living with friends. At this point I did not have a stable environment for my daughter so I thought it was in her best interest to stay where she was. In 2007 I got married to someone I had dated on and off. (He was in the military so it was hard to do the long distance thing.) He was stationed in Hawaii and so being married, I had to move. At this point my husband and I had a house, my daughter would have had insurance and everything else she needed. This is when I found out that my mom had actually adopted her and it was not what I thought of where she just had momentary custody. Of course I was not allowed to take my child with me. At this point I started trying to talk to lawyers and see what I could do. No one was willing to help me. In 2008 I got divorced. My husband was not supportive and I couldn't handle being so far away from my daughter. I wanted to move home but I was told by my mom that I was not allowed to and that there was nothing in that town for me. There were not jobs not good places to live. I didn't know what to do. I ended up living in Louisiana. I saw and talked to my daughter as much as possible. I have an apartment, room for my daughter (I should mention that I have always had a room set up and ready for her. Anyone who walks into anywhere I have lived has known it is all about my daughter) my bills are paid, I have money. She would not go without anything she needed. I feel like she has been stolen from me. All I have wanted since she was born was to be her mom and take care of her. I started going to college. (On my own I might add, I haven't had help from anyone) My goal was to get my degree and go to court for her upon graduating. Why not sooner? Well I try hard to get along with my mom and I was worried if I went to court and lost that I would be totally cut off from her and not able to be any part of her life. So now to 2010. My mom just flew me home (Florida) to tell me that she is sick. In 2001 she had breast cancer (and she is older if that matters) but she was able to make it go into remission. Well she apparently found out in August that it was back and it is in her entire body. It is now December and I am just being told. I am the last person to be told. Even my 8 year old little girl has known since September but been told she was not allowed to talk to me about it. So I just got hit with the fact I am losing the last of my family. I asked about picking up my daughter and then comes the second blow. My mom went behind my back in October (after shopping around apparently) and had someone she works with adopt my daughter. I do not know these people, have never met them. No one wil tell me who they are. Apparently my child is already living with them, but they 'allowed" her to stay at my mothers house for the four days I was there.So I really need help. I never willingly gave my child up for adoption. I have been lied to, betrayed, and deceived every step of the way since she was an infant. I am all she has left of her family, and she is all I have left. Someone please help me to get my child back.Some more facts that may or may not help...Her father did sign his rights away because I was told by my mother that he had to. He is a deadbeat. Never taken an interest in her. But paternity was never established. His name is not on her birth certificate and no dna test or anything was ever done. I don't want him to have her and he probably doesn't want her, but I don't know if this would create some type of loophole.My daughter has cried everytime I have had to leave her and go back home. For 3 years she has been asking me when she could come home with me and I have always promised her as soon as I could make it happen.This past week when I saw her and have found out all of this her story did not change. She wants to be with me. That being said she did say that she didn't want me to fight for her because she doesn't want to lose me. Apparently she has been told that if I "try anything" that she will not be allowed to see or speak to me. But I promised her I would do everything I could, and I intend to keep that promise.I have tried to talk to my mom, but I think I would get through to a brick wall before her. She still sees me as this messed up little 16 year old. I have fought very hard for everything I have to be where I am. And it has all been with the goal of giving my daughter the best life I can. I know that adoption is a great choice for some people, but it was never my choice. I have ALWAYS wanted her. I was forced into everything, and tricked.My mom only has a month or so left. I don't want her to die with me being so angry at her. And I doubt she will help me or go back on these recent actions. But I refuse to accept the fact that there is nothing I can do.Someone, anyone, please help me.
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As much as I hate to say this, and I do. I think you're in trouble. No matter how sneaky and underhanded your Mom was in the initial adoption, you were of the legal age of decision. She now has the legal right to do everything she did. My one thought is find out IF this new adoption has been to court yet and finalized. You may be able to contest it that your "little sister" would be better off with family, and that your terminally ill mother is NOT in her right mind and capable of making such a decision. I am so sorry. That may be one of the most tragic stories I have heard.
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Contact an attorney who has experience with adoption law and see what they have to say. Your mother does have legal rights to make the decisions she is making, but in some cases - although I have never read a story like this - the courts may favor the biological mother if you can prove that you are willing and able, financially and otherwise, to raise your child, as reunification with a biological parent is generally the most favorable situation.
I hope that you have paperwork, etc. dating back to when you unknowingly signed your rights away. Also, paperwork that proves that there was one issue after another with your officially joining the military, etc. I would think you'd need copies of the paperwork that you signed that you thought was granting your mother temporary custody but was, in actuality, terminating your rights. Get every piece of paper you have, etc. and bring it to a lawyer.
Does your mother have someone she has appointed to be her Power of Attorney, or someone who will be making decisions for her when she is no longer able to because of her disease?
I do not think that there are any loopholes regarding your child's father terminating his rights. He did so without first proving his paternity; it sounds like he would be of no help in this situation. Had he not officially terminated his rights and if he were to agree to work wit you to halt the adoption, it might be a different story but legally he does not have any rights to her, either.
Have you tried talking to your mother, in her current state, about all of this? Telling her that you want to raise your daughter once she has passed? Maybe - I know your relationship isn't the greatest - with just months left to live your mother might have a change of heart or listen to you and consider your desire to parent.
I just think you need a lawyer, and fast - look for lawyers who have experience with adoption, custody, etc. Another thing to consider is that maybe if you tell your mother you're going to fight this and have hired a lawyer she will reconsider as well - you know? Because it would certainly get "messy" if a legal battle were to ensue with her in this type of health condition.
I have no paperwork. It has all been kept from me. My mom has everything and she has made sure I have nothing. I do have people that are currently in Florida going through the public court records and getting me everything they can. Recruiters change a lot and they never admit they are wrong so that could be hard also.
My mother does have a power of attorney and it is someone I talk to on a regular basis. She is well aware of the situation and exactly how I feel.
Apparently my mom expected my reaction of anger, which she most certainly received. But I keep being told that she thought I would just get over it and be ok with it, which I never will be. Ever.
I did talk to a lawyer today here in Louisiana and she told me that I have to get a lawyer in Florida and have someone investigate everything. According to the lawyer I might have a case based off the fact that it can be shown I was deceived with even just the temporay custody and that will play into when I signed a paper that was not what I thought it was.
I did try to talk to my mom, but it ended in a verbal dispute everytime. My daughter is a very sensitive subject. My mom says she is not backing donw, its final, and its done. All of her friends tell me that she loves me and made what she thought was the best decision and how hard it was for her and that she went on and on about how devasted I was going to be. So I don't really understand how she did what she did... She is currently crying to them about my angry behavior. But how can I focus on losing my mom when I just lost my child?
I'm in a paradox. I know I have a lot of red tape to cut through and walls to climb over, but I am willing to walk to the ends of the earth to get my child back.
I have recently consulted with three different lawyers. They have all told me pretty much the same thing. It is going to be an uphill battle, but I can win. The original "adoption" between me and my mother was not legitimate. The battle will be obtaining all the records and paperwork. I have several people who are willing to testify on my behalf, and my daughters father has already submitted a statement to me that he signed whatever it was he signed under the impression that my daughter would be returned to me. Also that he had to sign it for me to do what I needed for the military.
And of course there is more. And I would be lying if I said I didn't see this coming. I was informed today that if I pursue this further not only will I be cut off from my child as much as possible, but I will be cut out of my mothers will. I was relying on getting the car promised to me and the money also so I could pay off my college loans.
I can't be bought and my child is worth much more to be than a nice, new, reliable vehicle and money; however, everyone keeps telling me that my mom had my daughters best interests at heart and that these are good people and I should just go with it. I just don't know what to do.
I'm sure the potential adoptive parents are "good people" but that isn't the point.
Remember that it likely will be an uphill battle, but you can receive support, financial and otherwise, from agencies in your area if need be [if you are cut out of the will]. Your daughter will know that you are fighting for her, and I think it is commendable that you are willing to go through this for her.
Keep us updated.
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I am in contact with her power of attorney. I am well aware that I have been cut out, and that's fine. I can't be bought. I'm just devastated by the whole situation. It may sound childish but I feel unloved and unwanted. But no matter what I will always fight for my daughter. I made a promise and until the day I die I will do whatever I can to keep that promise.