Love and Logic
I have never taken a course in this but I am going to get the books hear shortly to see what help they can offer.

My question is how did your teens take "I love you", which is a primary prinicpal of the books?

E is really stand offish when it comes to hugs, or showing any emotion towards me especially, part of that is my fault for sure as I am not sure where his boundaries are right now. I am not sure if me saying I love you will disarm him completely or put us both in a really uncomfortable situation. I suspect my DW will have a considerably easier time with this than I will.
I am no expert with this but according to how my SW explained it and the examples she gave, it is not about telling your child you love them. They need to know that you love them and will always be there for them through your actions. The logic part is having logical consequences for their actions and making them responsible for their actions.

An example my SW gave was for her son (around 8yrs). He forgot to bring his spelling words home to study for the next day. She tried calling other moms for the list. One mom said "no-my son forgot too". When my SW said if she got the list she would call her back. The other mom said no. Why? Because the consequence of forgetting to bring the list home was that her child would have to miss recess to study the words. Losing recess meant something to him and thus he did not forget the list the next time.

For teenagers, I think the big win here is to make them responsible for their actions without making you the bad guy. Instead of saying "You can use your ipod when you finish your homework" and they don't do it, You don't respond-"I said no ipod until homework is done". You respond-"I'm sorry you chose not to do your homework and can't listen to your ipod". This puts the responsibility on them.
I baught a version of the book meant for teens today and read the first section over lunch.

I can see some of the strategies mentioned in our current style, but I also see some problems with others that we have.

Finding a balance will be key here, being involved enough that the consequences don't effect his life permanently however letting the world wiegh some consequences on him as well is going to be the tough part.

I will post again when i am done reading and let you guys know what I think. I already have a few ideas on things I should have done differently last night.
Love and Logic is more of a way to teach responsibility for one's actions. I think you might be thinking about The Connected Child or another of the books about attachment.
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