What do you wish you knew back then?

about my experience so you know where my opinions come from - biodaughter 16, adopted at birth daughter 6, prior legal guardians to 2 nephews 4 & 5 years older then biodaughter, pre-fostAdopt boy 3 years older then adopted daughter (disrupted prior to finalization) What do I wish I knew before? Most of this is on the fostadopt placement: First of all, it's hard to get the truth. I wouldn't say CW's lie, but many of them have such a huge case load that they don't now the cases well, some do lie though. I thought my experience with spec needs would be enough, but I didn't realize how unprepared I was. A child with attachment disorder and spec needs is nothing like a child with no attachment disorder and spec needs. I didn't realize how much all of this would hurt my biodaughter. I didn't realize what a failure I would feel like when things didn't turn out. I really wish I'd understood from the beginning w/ the fostadopt placement that red flags mean I can slow the train down. But I didn't. I was so eager. On this board once there was a thread for why you adopted spec needs, one person said that they were so eager for a child that they would have adopted satan. I can tell you that I sure felt like I was on that road! I also wish I had known that kids with multiple issues probably need an at-home parent. I didn't get that. now for my daughter who we adopted at birth, fully attached but born drug exposed and has signifcant ADHD/sensory issues, I wouldn't change anything, I'd adopt her a million times over, but life's not easy sometimes.

I want to addI wish i knew that you are not just parenting to 18, like a 'normal' child. They become mostly independent then, but Special needs kids need hands on parenting for a lot longer sometimes - I still do a lot of parenting things with Gem sometimes, and she wouldn't cope with any more distance than that -yetYou need to be prepared to parent well into your child 20's or longer

This is very thought provoking as we are preparing to adopt tomorrow... - I wish I had known that SW don't always disclose all the truth or change the wording to sound different. Read between the lines and then read again... - I wish I had realized my caring and loving and wanting of a child was NOT going to heal that child. - I wish I knew how much I would be hurt by the rejection and failures of not being able to "FIX" our kiddo - I wish I knew that reading 20 books and feeling confident in accepting a special needs kid would do Diddly squat when the tantrums and rages started. - I wish I was able to better articulate and know my limitations on what I could handle and stick to it and not let DCYF push us into something. - I wish I had known the extent kids will go through when they are in pain emotionally, and the extent of turmoil they go through during trauma and multiple moves ect... *** would I do it again*** YES... I have already thought about round to...but I will be MUCH wiser this time in our decision making