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I am in my mid 30s and very frustrated being childless and I have always wanted to be a mother. I love being an aunt but that is not enough. I do not see my marital status changing, and though I have a good government job, I am struggling a little, though I am working a second job right now so I can earn some money towards adoption fees, etc. I also have completed a class on fostering and currently in the process of doing that but not sure how that is going to be on me. Taking in kids and then having to give them up may be too hard on me, being chidless and all. I do know I may be able to adopt but this is up in the air. I can probably conceive on my own too but being single, it is a pain and not sure how much Im willing to spend on IUI's, and so on. Also, there are so many toddlers that need adopting and why bring more kids into this world. My house payment is very low too, which helps alot. I doubt I will have the finances to do a domestic adoption and I dont know if I want to deal with the emotional toll of the birth mother and whether or not she'll change her mind. After doign some research, I did find an agency and I filled out a pre-approval application for a Bulgarian child and did get approved so far, but need to send a $300 fee, etc. I left a message for the worker handing my file as I have alot of questions. What have you heard about Bulgarian children. etc. What are the chances of me getting a child under 5 that is not special needs and is healthy? Please feel free to PM me. I also would like to know what agency you used, who to avoid, etc. I know some of this cant be discussed on these boards so please message me. Thank you!
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Don't feel that you need to justify your wish to adopt. Nowadays, it is very common for single women to do so. And you seem to be quite well-qualified, since you have a steady job, are not living above your means, and so on. You are taking a class that should help you prepare for all kinds of parenting, and are also involved with a child or children as an aunt. These are the sorts of things that social workers look for, because they mean that you have a realistic understanding of what parenthood entails.
Don't feel that you "should" try assisted reproduction or fostering first, either. Many singles are uncomfortable with the notion of going through a pregnancy without a spouse, and would rather adopt. And many singles share your concern about fostering; it is difficult to become emotionally invested in a child, and then return him/her to his/her biological parents or other relatives.
Bulgaria is not a particularly easy country from which to adopt, however. On the good side, it is Hague-compliant, which means that you are unlikely to be matched with a child who was bought or stolen, and that you ARE likely to get a certain amount of medical information. On the other hand, there are few adoptable healthy babies in Bulgaria, and all adoptable children must first be turned down for adoption by at least three Bulgarian families, so the wait for a suitable match could be long.
You may want to look at a variety of countries before becoming too set on Bulgaria, if you have not done so already. And you should check with a variety of agencies that have Bulgaria programs to be sure that the one you mentioned is being honest with you about the prospects of being referred a healthy child in a reasonable time frame.
Sharon
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I adopted from Bulgaria as a single parent (I had a bio son at home). I adopted a waiting child, with non-correctable physical Special Needs (leg prosthetics)... it doesn't slow us down... she is the spice of my life. I am a wealth of knowledge about Bulgaria adoption if you have questions let me know....
HI,
I just want to wish you best of luck. I have two girlfriends who are single moms, havent met Mr. right yet and decided to take the plunge and now are parenting. One is even looking to adopt a second one to give her little one a younger sibling. Both work too.
Like Sak, there are many ways to build a family. For medical reasons I went the adoption route, but I was thinking about surrogacy for a bit, but the price is a lot and also like you mentioned, why not give a home to a child who already exists and needs one instead of creating an extra child? Each person has to build his or her family as he/she sees fit. What may be right for one may not be for another. In fact my girlfriend who adopted wants to adopt again, even though she probably could undergo a pregnancy, she chooses not to. So you are in good company.
If you own a home you may look into a home equity line a credit which you pay back over time. This is what we did. I know other families choose to do fundraising but I dont have experience with this route and I dont know how much money you recoup from fundraising.
I wish you the best, keep us posted on your progress.
Amy K, NJ
Wow.
If I had to write a post, that is exactly what I would have written. I'm in the same boat as you.
I plan on starting the 'process' in about a year. I know there is a lot of planning and saving that need to take place so I'm doing some research now.
Ethiopia seems like it would be a good option too. I am looking to do this the most inexpensive way I can. I am looking for a child 0-2 years and when I go visit, I can stay no longer than 2-3 weeks. All that plays a role into where I can adopt from.
I would love to get updates from you on what you choose to do, how you do it and any tips or advice you could offer. Best of luck to you!
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