So nice to know we are not alone...

Hey Chat is up for this Sunday. I am going to try to be there, but we have youth group dinner. Hope to chat with some of you over 40's then.

I'm in this category but that time doesn't work for me, never mind!We are both over 40, and we were asked yesterday if our profile could be shown to an expectant couple, now the situation wasn't right for us for other reasons, but they had asked for a couple in their 30s - not sure if the SW hadn't read it, or if they actually find that expectant parents change their mind about age when they see profiles/meet PAPs?

I've been told several times that expectant mom's do sometimes change their minds about certain criteria when they see a profile they connect with. It seems that her wishes should be taken into consideration when she's given profiles, though! Your feelings should be taken into consideration, too. I wouldn't want to get my hopes up having my profile shown to an expectant mom when she is looking for a married couple in their 30's (I'm single and 42).Good luck with the matching process!

Just want to let you know you don't have to be "just starting" to join the monthly chat. We welcome everyone and have people join who are experienced adoptive parents (Linny....). BTW, I'm in the 40+ club...waiting to be matched since the end of March!

I was 44 and the mother of 18 and 14 yr olds when we added three children 3, 5, and 6. Five years later and quickly approaching 50, there is a good chance that we are adding two more, with the youngest 3 yrs old. Little ones keep us young!

I am 42 and hubby is 48 and it seems we are running into roadblocks with agencies not wanting to work with us because of our age. We want to do a domestic adoption but have not been very successful locating an agency that will work with us. Any suggestions?Thanks!Sarah

I know what you mean. I have 3 daughters 23,17, and 14.We have a chance to adopt a newborn baby girl and people think we are nuts as my husband and I are both 46.Well wishes on adopting.

Have you looked into consulting or referral agencies?

I thought it might be encouraging if I updated on this post...this was something I posted WAY back when. Little did we know that we would be licensed in June...our foster son would come home(newborn) July 11th, at one day old...and our foster daughter would be home November 18th of 2011...and in November 17th, of 2012, we would adopt BOTH of them...just one day shy of our daughter coming home as a newborn. We are coming up on our first anniversary as a family...it has been an incredible journey and we are SO grateful! So, anybody who is waiting and hoping...hang in there, you never know what is just around the corner!

It makes me feel better seeing so many people who are 40+ and adopt. My hubby is 55 and I am 41; he said last night that he feels we are too old to start over. When we started fostering a year ago he knew how much I really wanted a little girl as I have 3 boys. We have two in the house now and was told yesterday that 6 months in to this that one of the people on the case truly believe that these 2 will not go RU. So we again had the conversation last night about what if. On one hand I understand how he feels and am so afraid what if as adult they hate us because we aren't their bio parents...it would hurt so much to be rejected after being their parents for so many years; but on the other there is a chance that even if they go find and reconnect with their bio they will still love us and be thankful for all we did for them. He has 3 girls and they are all raised. He feels he is too old to start over again. But I do see how attached he is especially to the boy who is 2. Such a hard decision when I know that this is little ones lives that I am dealing with and I only want what is best for them. I had wanted "my" little girl for so long though; I have about 8 tubs of girl clothes that I have been collecting for when she was to come to me. Starting to feel I need to just give up on that dream as I do understand that hubby just wants to retire in 10-15 yrs and live. I just keep thinking that if she were to come to us now that is it really so bad by the time hubby retires she would be in high school and thinking of college and such. I would have my forever girl. oh I am babbling...just such a hard decision!

Have you tried public domestic? You would be really surprised that what they have to offer in so many ways. I turned 47 in March and hubby turned 52 in August. On July 10 this year we brought home our 3 month old baby girl via our public domestic adoption agency. No one were concerned about our age. We had a lot to offer a child and we were chosen by young parents looking to relinquish to a family like ours. We also have two boys who came to us via the same agency in the summer of 2008. Look at all of your options.

Wow. I have been *exactly* where you are. I was 41 and hubby was 51 when we finally started applications for foster care. I turned 42 and he 52 right before our boy came home as a newborn in July...then in November, our girl came home as a newborn! So, yeah...two babies, pretty close to exactly 4 months apart in age. It all started because I had four sons by birth and wanted a little girl VERY much. In our case, I stopped talking and prayed and my hubby had a change of heart. We were 43 and 53 when we adopted them(about to hit 44 and 54, so not too far from the age of your hubby! Mine has actually had such a change of heart that he jokes with people about retiring to be a stay at home dad! ;-) Ours will be 10 when he retires...he figures that is about perfect to take over the "Science" part of home schooling(hahaha...just means "take them fishing"!LOL!) As far as the kids being angry...here is my perspective on that. I have had both of my kids from birth...I *am* their mom...on the other hand, my role as their mother looks very different than that of the typical mom. I will be walking alongside of them as they face the pain and tragedy. I am not the mom who gave them life, and I don't plan to pretend to be. I have had my own share of pain surrounding a parent who was inaccessible...I can understand the need to connect, and I don't have to take that personally. The fact that they want to connect with their birth parents(where possible) does not invalidate the fact that I have been their mom every day of their life...the day in and day out. :laundry: They will know that. We have a completely different role in their lives that no one else has...and, so do their birth parents. I believe we just have to be open to letting them feel how they feel and seek their own answers...and helping them to do so in their own age appropriate way. Hang in there...maybe hubby will come around! Tell him this is a BIG dream for you and you are afraid of what this will do to your heart and life if you are forced to give up a little girl who was finally going to be yours! Be honest. And, if you ever need to just talk...pm me! I get it!

Thanks so much hopeful! I worry...its my thing, I am a worrier to a fault. We are having a garage sale and I am selling all the girls clothes I have collected. I cried while pricing them. Hubby said don't worry if it is suppose to be one will come along and you can enjoy going out buying more for her. I have prayed and hoped and want this so much. Some times I feel I must be crazy. But I see how I am with the FK we have now; I think I am a better mom than I was with my BS when they were younger and I was in my 20's. I just don't want hubby to hate me later in life for "making him" raise another girl; on the other hand I don't want to resent him that I had to give up on a dream. He has told me that if we get one and I connect with her and want to and am able to keep her forever that he will support me. It is great to know someone else knows were I am and how I feel! Thanks for the feedback. I will keep praying and if it is Gods will then I know she is on her way I just need to be patient and enjoy her when she makes it home to us.

My husband tells people he's on the "Freedom 95" plan. Because he'll never retire, but he'll be surrounded by the love of the children that were always meant to be his. He is so in love with your boys and now that we have baby girl he is even more in love. Your husband might surprise you.

I can SO hear you on the "better parent than with my BS" I was in my 20's as well...this is SO different. YOu know, I could be wrong...but, I bet she's on her way! And, the fact that he is saying that means he gets it and he is not as opposed as you might think! Hang in there...she is going to show at when you least expect it. Actually...if you are selling all of the clothes...she's probably right around the corner!LOL! I was getting ready to take down her crib and get rid of all of the stuff I had collected and forget about it...I thought maybe I was just meant to be a BOY mom only...you know what...they called us a week later...I hadn't actually gotten rid of anything yet. Needless to say...it was a good thing we had a bassinet for her to sleep in while I get the rest of it back together!LOL!