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I knew being a foster parent would not be easy. I expected to deal with the Bio Parents and try to help with RU. But I didn't expect for the father of my FS to pop up out of nowhere after 8 months and want custody cause he now has a girlfriend who can help him!!! A little back story - My fs is almost 9 months old. He has been in care since he was 4 weeks. His mom did drugs while preg. and has 5 other kids taken away. She had 1 visit and has since then been out of the picture. We haven't heard from her in months. Dad - denied he was the father, it took several appointments before he finally showed up for the paternity test. After finding out he was his by voicemail and letters, he never responded. Then on 12/22 when they had the goal change meeting he was contacted and actually answered the phone. He said he wanted custody. The CW came up with a plan and set a Home Visit for 1/3. He didn't show up. She left a letter, saying whats going on? You said you wanted him? You didn't show up, ect....He called back and said he didn't think he could be a parent and wanted to give up rights and have the baby adopted. We had a facilitated staffing on 1/7. She asked him to come and meet me. He didn't show up. And never heard from him. Well CW had to do a whole packet of info for the lawyers, stating goal change to TPR and Adoption by us. They are backed up and we are not expected to get a pretrial date until June. We were expecting him to voluntary surrender at that time. However Monday Dad calls CW and says, he wants him. That he don't feel right giving him up. And now he has a girlfriend and SHE CAN HELP TAKE CARE OF HIM!!!! He starts supervised visits on Monday. Dad has never seen my FS... He has to have a mental health and drug evaluation, take parenting classes, pay child support and he gets supervised visits once a week. CW says they are not changing the goal. They don't care if his girl friend wants a baby and is talking him into this. But CW said he can file a motion for custody. Any thoughts on Bio showing up this late in the game, after TPR and Goal change? Is the judge usually hard on them? I guess it really depends on how well he works his plan. Urggggghhhh.....i wish people would just do what their supposed to for their children from the get go, and not go on with their lives like they don't exist until its convient for them...
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Yes we are allowed at court. But since this is just a hearing I don't know how it will be handled. And yes I asked the cw about the girlfriend and if they were gonna check her out. She said that she wasn't going to get ahead of herself and it might be pointless if dad didn't work his plan. But that all went out the window when he filed a motion for custody. Cause now he doesn't nessesarily have to work the plan unless its court ordered. Needless to say I don't know where this leaves the girl friend????....................................................... ....................................................... ................................my case worker is comming tonight so hopefully she will have some insight.
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I just spoke to My case worker and she was very supportive. She says that it is definatly not in fs best interest to go with BD without him working his plan. But she says the law is the law and doesn't always look out for childs best interest. And him being a no show for the babys entire life is just not enough to keep him away. She did say that because he sent the other baby out of the country as soon as he got custody of her may change the situation. She said, it all comes down to how hard FS worker fights. So now we just wait and see. She did say that if the judge grants him custody I can request that that they have a transition period of 2 weeks, with extended visits and overnight weekends. I will definatly request that if it comes to it. I am just so worried about this baby who is extremly bonded to me having to live with someone he has only spend 1 hour with......the poor little guy will greive himself silly. I just gotta believe that it won't come to that. And that the judges descion will be to court order BD to work his plan. I gotta believe that!!!
Well we don't have a date for the tpr pre trial. The ppaper work was submitted to the state lawyers on 2/3 but they are so behind that they haven't been able to get a date yet. But cw is thinking it will be in june. ...................they are estimating 1 to 3 weeks for the custody hearing. Which doesn't make sense btw. Why does it take so long to even get a court date for a tpr pretrial, but in just a few short weeks they expect a court hearing to be on the docket for papers just filed? Urgggh if it hadn't have taken so long for the pretrial date maybe he wouldn't have been able to slip in at the last moment....sorry for the little rant:-) anyways yes he has a GAL but I. Have never spoke to her. I did see her at BM trial ruling her as neglectful.
If you do not have the contact information for the GAL, you need to get it right away and reach out to that person immediately. Be a bit pushy. Get the GAL to come for a visit. Send that person an update on the case and what's going on. Report the facts and the timeline. Push information to that person and start pushing now.I started emailing our GAL monthly with a report of what was going on. My report included when visits were held, what was done, how the child reacted, what was said, what medical appointments the child had, if any developmental milestones were made during that month and how the child was doing overall. Before each court date, I pushed on the GAL to visit with the child. One time, I went so far as to actually meet the GAL at a town center so she could see C for a period of time and come up to date. Don't rely upon the CW to pass info to the GAL. They do, but sometimes it is not everything, it may be at the last minute or it may not express concerns that are out there.Good luck.
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Has anyone even talked with the girlfriend? Your story is similar to what we went through with AD's first alleged father. He claimed he was living with GF for 3 years, so it was obvious he was cheating on her. He said he wanted custody, and GF would help him raise M. I kept questioning the SW as to why this girl wanted to raise a child that was the product of him cheating on her. I still am not sure if they ever talked with the GF directly, or if it was just what the alleged father said, during visits. Then he said he was engaged to GF, and they were going to be a happy family. Within 2 weeks, GF kicked him out, and he was living in a boarding house! That all happened around the time DCF was having the DNA test done. In the end, he wasn't the father!!! They offered him a goodbye visit, since he had showed up for every visit for 3 months, but he didn't go to it.You just never know!
I don't think anyones really talked to her. She was in the waiting room with me at the visit. I didn't know it was her till the end. But that is one of my fears, that they will get him and they will break up, then who is gonna take care of fs? But guess what? I had a voicemail from fs worker after hours at 5:45 saying that she was out of the office all day and when she returned there was a motion from dads lawyer and court is tomorrow at 8;30am!!!!!!!!!!!!! But...get this...its not a motion for custody, but a motion to "have supervised visits and has a smooth transition". Wth???????? He already has supervised visits, I don't get it. Is he confused? Or could he and his lawyer be trying to pull a fast one? How does anyone have time to get to this if they weren't notifed till after hours and the hearing is that early????
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The bio dad showed late in the plan with us all the time. They magically get a girl friend to help and then become engaged! This happened in reverse with bio mom's too! For us it was really common. One bio mom told me that when she got tired of working the plan and needed some down time, the bio dad would magically appear at the agency to work the plan.... very frustrating!
Yes Gummydot - it is extremly frustrating! I just don't think custody should be given based on someone new in the realationship to help, where does that leave the child if they break up? Parents should want to care for their children, with or without a partner! Okay so to update everyone: I got to court yesterday morning and BD was not there. FS CW was extremly frustrated. She said she was have tempted to ask to revolk supervised vists if he couldn't show up to his own hearing that he filed a motion for! But BD did show up 45min late, and of course they hadn't called us yet so it was okay. It was strange though, him and his girlfriend came over and he shook CW hand then mine. Then set down right beside me. I wasn't expecting that. I thought they would go across the room or something. He was very nice and we discussed fs and I showed him pics from my phone. It was weird to say the least, but I was as nice as I possibly could be. His lawyer came over to talk to him, standing litterly 5 ft. away from me, so I overheard alot. She asked him about the daughter which he sent away, and why if he couldn't parent her, did he think he could parent fs. His answer was that he now has more support of people living in this area. She then asked him if he planned on bringing is daughter home. He said "I could but I don't want to do that to my mom". He walked back over to us with tears in his eyes. I felt kinda bad for him. The whole thing was just weird. I guess seeing him as a person and not just a name. My heart hurt for him, but then I still feel like, why did you wait soooooo long. He never even called to check on him. Turns out the motion was in fact to get Supervised visits. Which he already had. His laywer told the judge that she didn't have a chance to look through her orders showing he was given supervised visits and it was in a stack of paper on her desk, so when BD came to her she filed the motion. But the good thing about it all was that he was court ordered to work his plan, which includes Child Support, 12 week parenting classes, supervised visits, and a mental health and drug asessment. Which great cause now I don't have to worry about him filing a motion for custody! Oh and CW said that GAL is not recommending that fs goes to Dad, and neither is the cabinet. I said you mean unless he works his plan? She said, even if he works his plan they are going to fight him. They DO NOT want him to have the baby. She said the goal is TPR and adoption by us and it doesn't matter what he does they will not change that before the trial. But they are legally required to offer him services. I wonder if he realizes that, that even if he does everything, his chances of getting him are slim, or does he think if he does everyhing he is supposed to they will just turn fs over to him? Its not really right if they don't disclose that is it? I know its up to the judge, but he could really waste his time and money with out knowing their plans. Bottom line is that I feel like a weight is lifted off me. My chances seem good to keep my little man, and if his dad does get him, at least he proves himself a little and I have time to build a relationship with Dad. Sorry so long
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millie58
Wow!!! glad you get to keep kiddo if even for a little while, but it is sad for bio dad. 12 week parenting classes?? I'm in NY and they have at least a year (that's what cw told me).