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My partner tends to affectionately refer to our son as, "My boy." As in, "There's my boy!" or "My boy is a fast runner." She says that much more often than, "my son." But she started wondering recently if that was a bad thing to do. I said I didn't think so since he's only 3 and therefore he IS in fact, a little boy.A couple of days ago there was an incident in her classroom. One of her female students started calling the men in her group, "the boys." An AA man asked her to stop and she didn't. She is an immigrant and had NO clue why that was offensive. She should have stopped anyway when he asked, but she truly didn't get the history. My partner took her aside and explained and told her to stop.But that kind of opened the topic, so she asked another student, and AA woman that she's gotten to know pretty well, if it was bad that she calls D, "my boy." She said that while she really understood how much my partner loves D and how she means it, that some people would find it offensive and think differently of her.Do you guys agree? It still surprises me a little since we're talking about a 3-year-old, not a teenager or a grown man. It never occurred to me that when I called D "my sweet boy," (which I do fairly often) someone might think I was trying to demean him.
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I hear you GSXR (although after a quick google, some disagree with your definition), but my point is that a lot of times it's not about what is factually correct. But about being polite and respecting another's feelings and preferences.
If I knew Vicki IRL, I would never call her son "boy", not because he ISN'T one but simply because Vicki wouldn't appreciate it. I would address him by his name. Personally, I don't have a problem with the term "boy" if the male is in fact under the age of say 16. But if I ever do take offense to the term, I would hope people would respect my preference.... and again, I think a MOTHER can call her son any loving pet name she likes... as long as she doesn't do it in front of his friends. :cool:
gsxr-mama
Getting off topic ~ just FYI
Latino refers to someone with Latin American heritage and does not include Spanish and Portugese heritages.
Someone who has Latin American heritage can correctly be called both. In these cases it would be a matter of preference.
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vickid
As a matter of principle, my male child is referred to as "my son" or "young man" because I always want him to act as a "MAN". Growing up in the south, I heard adult AA men and women referred to as "boy and girl" and IMO it was very disrespectful. I want my child to learn early, that he should speak and act in a way that is becoming to being a member of the family hence "my son" and learn early how to behave as a responsible "man." Words have power.
OakShannon
During slavery, slave owners called Black men "boy" as a way of degrading them and to show that they would never be considered fully men no matter what their age. This continued during the period of segregation. "Boy" was used as a term to degrade and humiliate Black men, who were often in a position of powerlessness given the fact that they could not count on any degree of fairness or protection legally. I think I understand how you are using it in a playful or affectionate way with men you are close to. But for many Black men, being called "boy" is offensive because of the history behind it.
Not sure if anyone watched, but this very topic came up on Celebrity Apprentice. Gary Busey called John Rich, a "boy". As most everyone knows, both guys are white... and this was still a MAJOR problem. Trump made the comment that the only way this could have been a bigger issue would have been if Gary called Lil Jon (a black man) "boy". Lil Jon answered "hell yeah"...
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Fe2002
Funny... This issue also came up on Survivor this past Wednesday.
I live in the rural south, and here it is considered an insult to call an AA man boy. However, it is not an insult if it's said by a parent to a son or a girl to her boyfriend. Also some AA teens tend to say it to each other, but they also sometimes use the N word. That I don't understand.
What you said below did happen... and I loved the way Jeff mediated the situation.
But the "boy" reference was made as Phillip recounted an incident from his childhood. When a white man called his father a boy. It's obvious that incident has followed/haunted him his entire life. Phillip was clearly having... i guess flashbacks when Steve called him crazy.
For the record, Phillip is a certifiable LUNATIC! By the end of tribal council, I felt sorry for both Phillip and Steve.
MB80sgirl
Yep! Only this time Philip, the black guy thought Steve, the white guy meant the n word when he called him crazy & a lunatic (which were accurate descriptions of how Philip was acting) & the rest of the tribe had no clue why Philip took it as racial. It kind of made sense why he felt that way when he explained it at tribal council, but I'm sure that's not how Steve meant it.
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Momraine, it can be an insult to call ANY grown man a boy... as evidenced by the Gary Busey and John Rich incident on Celebrity Apprentice... Yeah, I know... I watch way too much reality tv!
momraine
I live in the rural south, and here it is considered an insult to call an AA man boy. However, it is not an insult if it's said by a parent to a son or a girl to her boyfriend. Also some AA teens tend to say it to each other, but they also sometimes use the N word. That I don't understand.
momraine
I live in the rural south, and here it is considered an insult to call an AA man boy. However, it is not an insult if it's said by a parent to a son or a girl to her boyfriend. Also some AA teens tend to say it to each other, but they also sometimes use the N word. That I don't understand.
Nevada Jen
I call male attorneys (including my partners) "boys" all the time. It never occured to me that it was demeaning. (They are not black) But now that I think about it, I will stop doing it unless I am intending to be demeaning.
Fe2002
For the record, Phillip is a certifiable LUNATIC! By the end of tribal council, I felt sorry for both Phillip and Steve.
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Phillip was wrong in his assumptions. I love how Jeff mediated the situation and got both sides to see that each was coming from a place of truth. I hope Phillip learns to slow it down a bit before jumping to such inflammatory conclusions in the future.I felt sorry for Phillip after listening to his story - I could see he was coming from a place of pain... and what Steve said took him back to a painful period. I felt sorry for Steve because he inadvertently stepped into a mine field. But in regards to that instance, his heart was pure... and he was spot on. Dude (Phililip) is a nutjob.Oh, and yeah... Steve is fine in a major way... as is Grant!
caths1964
Just out of interest, is plural "boys" OK? I just ask because I would never say to one man "boy" but I have often said to a group of fellow male workers when we've been going off to lunch, "come on, boys, let's go". I suppose I should say "guys", but saying "men" or anything else doesn't seem to fit. I suppose if it was a co-ed group, I would say "guys" so maybe I should just do that from now on.
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