Single Female Wanting to Adopt Child from Foster Care

As a single parent I think it is real important to have plans for if you need help. I was really lucky that my mom is retired and although in a different house we shared the same property. My experience was that children in foster care arrive with a cavity in every tooth and an abcess impending! I was so glad to have my mom nearby so she could deal with the crying child with bloody gauze wads in their mouth while I could go to the store to fill the prescription for antibiotics. I would also recommend that you locate any drop-off babysitting place near you. It took me a year or more to discover there was a place two miles from me. Boy I got a lot of use out of it once I found it! Another resource is the parents of the little friends your kid makes. My daughter is a little angel for other parents, so if she was out-of-control angry and defiant with me, it was a perfect time for her to go visit a friend. I actually learned that from her, maybe she learned it from therapy.

Thank you so much for all the advice. I would love to keep hearing from single parents who have adopted, I am going to try to contact some who are local to the Tallahassee, FL area and hopefully, use them as support. I don't have a huge family, and they are on the fence of whether they think I am doing the right thing. I know once the process takes place, they will support me without trying to change my mind. They all love children, they just are worried about being single and adopting a child who could have more issues that I alone can handle. I was also thinking of starting with a therapist before proceeding with the adoption process, just so I have someone to help me talk through my concerns. My only concern with that is I don't want seeking help put against me during my homestudy. Have any of you sought out support/counseling during the process?

I adopted 4 from foster care.There are horror stories.. but think of what these kids have been through. They need love, STRUCTURE, and discipline. My first 2 placements weren't adopted-one went to a family that could take all 5 sibs and the 2nd was RU (there was an infant so that was hard). 3rd placement, L, came to me at 6. Couldn't read, was slow in school, very laid back. Had behavioral problems but he's healed. Still learning-disordered but you can't beat the love. I got his bio brother the next year. More problems as he was victim of SA. He's now a hgh school junior and getting ready for college. The last 2 had more placements, and therefore more problems. But the love you get can't be beat.

What is a "respite" referred in your response?

The state won't allow you to leave a foster child in someone's home unless they are a foster parent, or have been fingerprinted and background checked. Recently, some friends of mine needed to go to a funeral, so I watched their 3-y-o foster daughter (hopefully adoptive daughter some day). For about 5 hours after she got home from daycare, then took her back to their home, where one of their parents put her to bed. Early on, I watched a baby girl for a friend, while she went skiing. (She was single mom, as am I at this time.) The state calls this "respite", because it's the fp getting a break from watching the child all the time. Some children are very demanding, and parents do need a break from them to "reset" as it were.

giselle, I was reading your post and I thought there for a min it was an old post of mine... you sound just like me. I was recently divorced, work ft, school ft, 3 dogs, a cat and 2 acres of property. I started with one and ended up with 3 eventually. It can be done!!

I am single mom and have adopted 3! I agree with the poster about one at a time. Mine came about 2 years apart. they came at 6 1/2, 4 1/2 and 31/2. They are now 13,9,and 5. The big thing for me was that my two oldest were misdiagnosed for years --- accurate diagnosis received 11/2009 both are Autism spectrum and oldest also severe PTSD (that is what is sending me off the deep end right now) and were way over medicated when in foster care. After all these years still haven't found the right one and I am guessing it is because of the Autism thrown in there and not being a strictly behavioral disorder. I learned you have to expect to find a new normal. My dad retired a few years ago and has been a great help. I have gotten great services for them but being in a rural area I have to drive -- or I should say I chose to drive for awesome services vs (well bluntly) crappy services in my area. Would I do it over again =--- yes! Would I do it again --- yes though I am sure my family would think I was nuts. However, it won't be until my oldest is more stable. It is doable if you have your plan in place and are willing to alter it as needed.

I am a single mom. I adopted a 4 yo boy in 2009 and am placed with a 21 mo FS. My FS is pre-adoptive. My now 6 yo AS is challenging. He has ADHD, Disruptive behavior, receptive & expressive language delays & Anxiety Disorder. He thrives with lots of structure and discipline. He lies and is manipulative at times as well. Before I accepted his placement I asked his ffm & cw to tell me things about him & they had nothing nice to say. Not one nice thing. Needless to say, he is a joy today. He is kind, sweet, caring, giving, loving & funny. He is well behaved 75% of the time. : ) He just needed to feel secure & loved. I was able to give him a lot of 1 on 1 attention, which he truly needed. I love parenting him & seeing the wonderful little boy he has become. I decided to adopt again this past year and was placed with my now 21 mo FS. I asked my 6 AS if it was okay first and explained what his life would be like (good & bad) with a sibling. Normally things go wonderfully, until I get sick. When I get sick there is virtually no one I can call on for help. I do have some relatives that help out with taking my oldest, but most of the time it is just us three. I love it! I love being their mommy! I love the bad days, they help me to appreciate the good days. Would I change anything? NOPE!!! My words of advice- Stay open to learning. Be patient. Keep a sense of humor. Be consistent with discipline & structure.

I'm 41 and I am serious about adopting a child out of foster care. Found child on adoption photolisting and child is in another state. I have never had children, never married, never fostered. I am very excited and would like to encourage you to keep motivated and focused on plans. A child is waiting for you!!

I too am a single parent and adopted my 3 when they were 2, 4, and 6 yrs. They are now 10, 13, and 14. Are there struggles? Yes, would there be struggling if there were in a two parent home? Yes, maybe not as many but still a yes. You need to have a job that gives you some flexability for taking off for appointments and a strong support system is a must. Don't feel that you are too weak to parent if you need support in place, everyone needs help or a break at sometime. Good luck on your journey. You have to also remember that even if you gave birth to your own kids doesn't mean that they won't give you headaches and troubles too!;)

Here we can leave them with someone if they have had background check and CPR for a certain # of hours (can't remember how many) and if they also get the medication class it can be longer.

I wish you luck on your journey. I am in the process of adopting my current FD. I will say that she had some bad behavioral problems at first. They really were the only way that she had known how to survive in her bio home. It took some time and work, but she is absolutely not the same little girl that walked in here last May. I know others have said it, but having a support network available is crucial. I know people do it all by themselves sometimes, but not sure I could. My family is awesome. Take advantage of the respite days that you earn. Do not feel bad. You will need a break occasionally. I used to feel guilty. My therapist told me not to think of it as selfish, but rather as self care. I can do a better job taking care of her if I take care of myself. Journal about the bad AND good days. Note was happened that day with behaviors and just in general. You may be able to figure out triggers that aren't obvious from the patterns shown in your journal. You can also see what consequences do and do not work. The journaling can also help you when you are having a bad day. Read back through it and it will help you see the progress made. Sometimes you need that because you feel like you're right back at square one. It will remind you that you're not really back at square one; it just feels like it and you won't stay there. You will move forward again. This is a personal thing....pictures, pictures, pictures. My daughter has no pictures from before the time that she came to me. Everything in the home was tossed because mom was manufacturing meth. It is so wonderful to look back at what she looked like when she first came to me and compare it to the genuine full of life smile in her photos now. I hadn't read all of the responses so I probably repeated some advice that you already got. I just want to let you know that while it is not easy, I do not regret my decision to do this on my own one bit. I have days that I doubt myself and my skills, but that's going to happen. I wouldn't trade any of my experiences for anything. Even the tough ones provide for some great stories and laughter now, after the fact. Good luck. You'll be great!!! :clap:

I just saw your post about seeking counseling ahead of time. That's a wonderful idea and I would keep going after you are placed. It is a great place to work through some things that your friends or family may not really understand. Most places see it in the light of getting the support and help that you need. They can be confident that you will seek help for the children placed with you if you have the confidence in yourself to seek pre-emptive therapy on your own. It shows that you are proactive.

Hi, I am a single woman in Canada who is looking to adopt from foster care.I have already been accepted to adopt from Foster Care and I am currently taking several government classes that are being provided. They are wonderful.However I have been accepted for nearly a year and have not had any offers of children. Perhaps my list of wants/needs in too high. I am not worried as I know it will happen when the time is right.I am young (in my mid 20's) but adoption is something I have always been passionate about since I was a child. Believe it or not, I knew I wanted to adopt from age 6! Even while I was in my early teens I would search websites like Adoption photolisting Children In Foster Care Awaiting Adoption. I would read profiles and look at pictures of children, I would even feel an attachement to some. Adoption for me is a dream that I am still waiting for.I still spend a lot of time on looking at adoption profiles, in Canada and the United States. I really feel like my best option is to adopt from the US and I know I will have to get approved for international adoption if I want to do that. I am looking for a caucasian girl between the ages of 6-12. I would be willing to take on a sibling group of 2 girls. I am prepared to take on high emotional needs, but only mild physical and mental needs. I have done so much research over the years and I believe that I would do well with a child who has Reactive Attachment Disorder and other attachment disorders and depression. I am also a Social Work student. Another passion of mine. So I wouldn't mind waiting until I am finished school to adopt.I often look through adoption profiles and I find myself attaching to a certain child, it's heartbreaking sometimes. I know I could provide a fantastic home and I know that I would be a great mother. However, I know that I will need to finish school before I can adopt as I will have very little time while in school. Does anyone else get attached to children's profiles they see online?

I will also be a single foster mommy. My mom lives with me though, so I KNOW that will be a tremendous help!!!!! I am still scared though. Giving up the "life" I have now is a scary thing. Letting go of certain freedoms is going to be scary. But I HAVE to move forward with this. I have been thinking about it for 4 years and have the capability to move forward. Fingers crossed! Thank you to ALL the single foster mommys out there for your advice!!!