best phone call ever

I don't have brilliant answers on timing, *except* that I'd worry if I never called he'd think I didn't care. And if I called too much, I'd push him away, and/or freak out his parents. So maybe I'd call in a month, and ask him about how often he'd like to talk -- not first question, haha, but at some point.Most importantly, *congratulations!* What wonderful news. So happy for you.

thank you i never thought this would be so hard

As an Adoptee who also made the first contact I think a month is too long - maybe a quick phone call in a week to 10 days would be better - a month would tell me you lead a busy life and had trouble fitting me in.

i am scared really what to say to him like what conversation and things

Thats the hardest part - I used to write questions down so I wouldn't struggle too much - mostly I asked what she was doing - and always about the people that matter to her...

Thats the hardest part - I used to write questions down so I wouldn't struggle too much - mostly I asked what she was doing - and always about the people that matter to her...

I wouldn't wait a month, either. I think a week or so sounds appropriate. He said he wanted to build a relationship, so I would go with that unless and until he says otherwise. You could also sent a little text saying how much you enjoyed talking with him and will call him soon. That let's him know you are thinking of him and will reassure him in case he is wondering if you will call back. When you do talk to him, follow his lead. If he is chatty like my son (who is much older, but still), the conversation will flow easier, but I admit, the first few calls were very nerve wracking for me and it is still hard to figure out all the logistics of our developing relationship and we have been talking since November of last year and will be meeting soon as well. I think consistency is more important than anything. My son doesn't initiate communication as much as I do, even though he expressed the desire and intention to do so. I try not to read too much into this. So if I don't hear from him in a few weeks, I either email or call. He usually responds right away, sometimes it takes longer, and sometimes not at all. I try not to get worried about this, and figure he is either busy or struggling with some aspect of reconnecting that he may not even be consciously aware of. It IS amazing to hear our grown children's voices for the first time. I was just blown away after that first call and again on the second call. It took a while to get just a little bit of comfort level with calling spontaneously. I felt we had to have a set "appointment" to talk because I didn't want to "bother him." He kept telling me to call anytime and I told him the same, but it was very hard for me to just pick up the phone and casually call. I'm getting better with this as time goes on. You will find your pace/groove, but will have to feel each other out. You can ask him how often he'd like to talk, or just play it by ear and see how he responds. I agree to strive for a balance, not too often, not to infrequent, you'll know what is right for your situation after awhile and will sense any discomfort if your son doesn't express it outright. Keep in mind, things can change and evolve as you grow in your relationship. And also, he is 15, so likely very busy with friends, school, family, thinking about college in a few years, etc. Read up on reunion and know that strong emotions can come up and are often hard to handle. At 15 he still has a lot of maturing to do, so some of these issues, especially if they are unexpected, may cause him to retreat, at least for a little bit. Just be prepared for that and know it's a normal part of most reunions. Most of all, enjoy reconnecting with your son!

I can't give you any advice, as I am not an adoptee or a birth mother, but I do wonder if his aparents know about the contact. Since he is a minor, they should probably be made aware.

yes they do the mother is the one that gave him the number, the 1st time he caed i thanked her for letting him call.

with my experience speaking with my bio-dad-- i thought he was a creep. calling my mom and dad by their first names and he kept referring to himself as my father.It might have been the preconceived idea of him that pushed me away. I was resentful and stubborn at first because I always wanted to know my mom, but she passed. Instead I got the loser husband who forced her to give me up because he couldn't afford 4 kids (even threatened to kill me if she didn't). Either way he called me once a week-- his number is now blocked. Totally pushed me away.In your situation I think that 2 weeks is a good time. Give him a call and tell him to call whenever he feels the need. Better yet e-mail is always great as well! Good luck, I wish I could talk to my mom- just once!This is going to sound awful, but remember who he has called mom and dad for 15 years. It totally turned me away when he was calling himself dad!

I would call him right away and ask him how often he would like you to call or if he would like to initiate the phone calls. This way he knows his feelings are important to you and he can go at his own pace.