Am I wrong?

The paragraph below was cut and pasted from your post above. Your reasoning seem fine. In essence, if all applicable culture/histories are approached as a norm of your family, it may make each child feel they are an integral part of the family. No one feeling left out, or sticking out like the different one. "I really miss having some sort of connection to my family's cultural history and roots. I want to start that with my children. I'm not going to sit dd1 and dd2 in separate rooms and explain their cultures and historic backgrounds. I want us all to learn about each others and really embrace it. "

I'm going to get you a little pillow to sit on at my house and make you my goddess of wisdom to all my long rambling weird questions:)

What color is your pediatrician? I would expect the type of answer she gave to come from a white person. Cultural identity is much more than the Irish Potato famine, or other historical markers. I think she was being overly-simplistic. I get what you are saying about wanting more of an identity. My Mom researched our family, and we are almost 100% Irish. Culturally, I think a lot of customs from Ireland were lost when the Irish tried to assimilate. There is nothing remotely Irish about our family, except the pale skin, freckles, and a wee bit of red hair. So I get what you are saying about missing out. I also agree that it is very important to start those traditions for your DDs. DH and I have been involved in a class on Race and Culture at our church for the last 8 months. Most people of color didn't have the luxury of throwing off their customs/culture the way my white Irish ancestors did, so they could fit in. They were white, so they COULD assimilate. People of color couldn't, so their culture stands pretty strongly. Now, this is in general, so I am of course not speaking for people of color, just what I have learned. What my friends of color have told me. Learning what I can about Cam's heritage and culture is ALWAYS on my mind. There is no way I am going to set my child of color up in our white world, without giving her access, knowledge and power from "her people". KWIM? We only know that her first mom is 1/2 Hispanic, which covers a LOT of territory. We are almost certain first dad is 100% Moroccan. I have been reading up more and more, and it is fascinating. Doesn't hurt that my minor in college was History. :D

New here and first post. My wife and I had three children of our own. Our 4th, Matthew came into our life quite unplanned as my wife literally found him in a closet in a hospital where she was volunteering as a Nurse in Liberia, West Africa. So I'm the father of a little boy 25 years after his big brother was born. That being said, I look at the cultural stuff this way. We share a common history as people. Knowing the history of people is important. I don't want to ram it down Matthew's throat, but you can bet if he has questions, they'll get answered. I was told something wise by a gal who had adopted two Native American kids. She said her experience was that if you get carried away on 'their' culture, you end up telling them that they really don't belong to your family. One of her two had lots of questions and they learned together. The other couldn't be bothered and they didn't push it. The most important part is she is your child. Her history is yours and hers as she desires to learn it. Whether it matters to her remains to be seen. As long as she feels safe as your daughter, the rest will play itself out My major was History for what it's worth :)

Guppy35: I'm going to have to disagree with you. AA, NA and other non-whites have been portrayed negatively for years. Even in Westernns, the white cowboys have to "save" the "savage Indians". In that sense, kids need to know about their culture. It's not about not fitting in; it's not about being part of a group that's always "wrong". "blacks are criminals"; blacks are lazy; blacks are oversexed; Indians eat each other; Indians are savages. This has never been said about whites even though it's been said that the earliest settlers were the prisoners and others that were looked down on.

Welcome to the boards, Guppy :) I agree with the notion of one's whole family learning about a "culture" (if that's possible). Practically speaking, I don't know how that could not happen - if you go to a Kwanzaa celebration, would you leave your non-AA child with a babysitter, and take the AA child along? No, it's just like with any activity, like going to a museum, or on a vacation - you involve all your kids, as they can all learn something from it. I personally don't think you have to say (facetiously), "Johnny, this is more pertinent to you, since you're AA." I think that kids will ask those questions themselves, and it's up to you how much you should emphasize it in the answers you give. I agree with Guppy and nickchris in that we are all part of the human race, so learning about humanity means learning about different cultures, some of which may pertain to your child. I think that at 2 months, you should not be worrying about these things so much, to tell the truth - you've probably got your hands full already haha! And your pediatrician is just one person, who has her own opinion. I'd take it with a grain of salt, and do what works for you.

I think I didn't make my point very well. I believe that my son needs to know he's an equal part of our family first. I think if we tried to raise him Liberian, the message we'd be sending is that he is different and not the same as the other kids in our family. That being said, his heritage is our heritage now too. I want to know the world he was born into. My wife having been there for 6 weeks got a pretty good look at it. Matthew is also deaf, and is post op for a bilateral cleft lip and palette, so there are lots of things we'll have to help him deal with. The deaf community has a 'culture' as well, so learning sign language, and doing all we can to understand that part of Matthew's life will also be important. But again, the priority for me is doing the best job I can as Matthew's Dad to make sure he knows that he's a part of this family, that he's loved, and safe, and that's unconditional.

Welcome to the boards Guppy35. I agree with you in a sense. I never lied about where my children came from. We had art work and objects from their native country, they had special clothing, I made the special foods from their region and we sought out cultural events -- until they said "Mom, can't we just be US? We would rather go to ballet camp/horseback riding than go to El Salvadoran culture weekend! What I did do that they appreciated --- I made up a family cookbook. In it I put recipes from four generations of our family and the stories that went with it -- Great Grandmother Bertha's egg custard recipe and how she single-handedly ran a 40,000 chicken egg farm when all the men were in service or in factories during WWII. I printed up a copy for each of them, and even added some of their recipes. They are a part of our family and their history is now a part of our history.

[FONT=Verdana]You know, I think that there are two broad schools of thought. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]1) [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Race/culture arent really important because everyone is equal.[/FONT][FONT=Verdana]2) [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Race/culture are an integral part of our identity.[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]I personally ascribe to the second school of thought, and I think you do too. I think your doctor ascribes to the first. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]I think in the US, most people of European descent want to agree with #1. In the US, cc culture is so integrated into every level of society (art, science, culture, politics, social interactions, etc.) that many of us donҒt even recognize that it is cc culture. It just is. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]But this is my take. I think your instincts are right. You are a white woman in a white dominant culture. Some day, your daughter will be a black woman in a white dominant culture. Perhaps, a generation from now, a culture that is less white-dominant than it is today, but still, white-dominant. How will she see herself when she goes out into the world, outside of the sheltering love of her family? I feel that we have to look at what so many adult adoptees of color who were raised in white families have to say about their life experiences. Many of them perceived themselves as white or had no racial identity, and suddenly, in college, had an identity crisis. Their parents meant well, but I think they did them a disservice. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]I could ramble on. Brevity is not one of my skills. :evilgrin: But I think that ethnic identity is something completely different. You do not feel a strong connection to your German/English heritage. Yeah. That is sad. But in a country of immigrants and the ancestors of immigrants (voluntary and involuntary) much gets lost after a few generations. Honestly, much of your German/English heritage is so integrated into our society that we do not even identify it as such. But you dont know your daughterҒs ethnic heritage. Is she Ibo or Ewe or Yoruba? She, like most black Americans, will probably never know. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]So I say go with your instincts. Raise your daughter to be a strong black woman with a strong self-identity. [/FONT]