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What is the difference between children/babies adopted from Dept of Children and Families (DCF) and those adopted through private agencies? Are the DCF children that much more traumatized? What are some of the reasons children are avaibable through an agency? Teen pregnancies?
We are currently looking at adopting through DCF. We know that so many of these children have suffered, or in threat of suffering, abuse, neglect, etc. We know they are taumatized. We know they are 'taken' from their birthmoms/families. We know that they will likely have some kind of issues due to their trauma. We know their is a legal risk while awaiting the adoption of the child.
I know that with an agency we will avoid the legal risk, but what else is really different. Its unlikely physical or sexual abuse occurred to the baby, but is there a guarantee that drug/alchol abuse and/or exposure did not occur. Mental health issues? etc.
We are rethinking DCF adoption and possibly switching to an agency. Obviously, this will cost lots of money that I would rather use for the future of our child, but are we really getting less traumitized children?
Anyone have experience with adopting from both?
Thanks.
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Our family has adopted many times from private and DCF agencies. First of all......most DCF's don't place babies very often. These children are the ones that start out as foster situations, but more often than not, end up going BACK to the bios---then quite often, tossed out again and so forth until the child is considered an 'older child' and damaged quite a bit.
Those states who ARE smart enough to realize you can't mar a baby's formative years with going back and forth-----are the ones where you CAN get babies to adopt. There aren't very many; and, even so, the families who take the risk that the baby will go back.....have to realize this is NOT their baby---but only a temporary situation until such time as TPR's are taken and the baby is even available for adoption.
My suggestion is to use your money toward an agency adoption. Research, research, research..........call MANY agencies. Ask them what their fees are; tell them what you're wanting. If you don't want an open adoption...tell them. If you want no drug/alcohol exposure---tell them. Don't settle for anything you don't feel comfortable with. Yes, it will cost you too much to adopt privately. This is a fact. (Sad, but true.)
However, the emotional costs of fostering to adopt (or even adopting a baby/child that's been traumatized by biological parents OR----the system.) may very well cost you more than any monetary amount could be!!! Read the special needs forums here and see what I"m talking about.
Our family has BTDT on many scenarios. I dearly hope you're in a state that's as enlighted as some others in that they'll allow a baby to be adopted at a very young age w/o making them wait for a biological parent to decide to BE that parent.
If not, then find an agency you're comfortable with...save your money if need be----and adopt a baby from an agency. Please feel free to pm me if you'd like.
My best to you...
Sincerely,
Linny
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