Is this RAD, mild RAD, ODD, or other???

Considering your list of non-rad behavior, it is unlikely that she is rad. Looking at your list of Rad-like behavior my first thought was - sounds like a 2 year old - and since she is 3 and has a trauma history - being one year behind emotionally would not be unusual. One thing that most folks don't understand about attachment and fostering is that ALL kind in the foster care system have had an attachment disruption. That doesn't mean that they are all RAD - but they do ALL have some challenges that touch on attachment. I'm usually very reluctant to use a broad generalization in any situation, but seriously ALL kids in the foster care system have had an attachment disruption. And you should not limit yourself to thinking that she is RAD or not RAD. Rad is a spectrum - just like many other isses. There is a huge spectrum running from mild attachment challenges to full blown RAD. And some of the symptoms of kids with attachment issues are the same as symptoms of PTSD, sensory processing disorder, ADD/ADHD, bi-polar disorder and a host of other "labels". She is three, she has a more complicated life then most three year olds, she had a chaotic life prior to coming to you, she has been disrupted at least once. Whatever the diagnosis, she needs time and healing and parenting kids with a trauma history (and that meanss ALL kids adopted from foster care - again me with my generalizations but I'm serious) need special attention. Reach out - get support. We thought our son was just full of energy (arrived at our home at 11 months - adopted at 2) until he struggled with kindergarten. Turns out he has some sensory proccessing issues. Occupational therapy is a miracle. We also radically altered our parenting style to adapt not only to his sensory issues but also to be sensitive to the potential that his disruptions (chaotic bio family, we were his second foster home) could affect his attchment process (attachment is a process for all of us). I am also parenting a foster daughter who arrived at 8 months with absolutely no bonding/attachment at all. At 2 1/2 she is doing well, but I pay constant attention to bonding/attachment issues. If you are looking for resources, check out Daniel Hughes' book: Attachment Focused Parenting. I live by it. Also Heather Forbes: Beyond Consequences. If you are looking for ideas of games to play which enhance bonding/attachment, try Becky Bailey's: I Love you Rituals. Kids can heal from attachment disruptions. I have been amazed at how much more fulfilling parenting has been for me since I have made my goal to pay attention to attachment - connecting and loving my kids has become the focus and we are all happier for it. Good luck on your journey.

I have a dd who had RAD, and i agree that some of the behaviors on your ilst are questionable....but this sounds more like my 3 year old who does not have RAD but was exposed to drugs and alcohol in utero.......if you add in that when he gets angry, defiant, and oppositional he throws things at people and that he is very screamy. our preschool and pediatrician suggested he get a developmental screening at our school district based on those behaviors. we are in the middle of that now. we just called the school district and asked for a developmental screening. they asked who referred us and what behaviors we were concerned about. he went in for a screening at a school and passed (but barely) most sections of the screening. but because of the description of the behaviors the district psychologist went and observed him at school. she became concerned. the next step was to fill out behavioral assessment forms (parents and teachers). those are being eval'd now. the process has been easy so far. if the forms come back and they continue to be concerned about his behavior, then he will get a full evaluation. the psych said she just finished qualifying another preschooler born exposed to drugs with similar behaviors....so i think we might be on the right track. i don't know what dx he will get, if any.....but i am confident it is not RAD. i do think it will be behavioral related, and i think he also struggles with sensory processing issues. so we will see. my son is super sweet most of the time. he is super smart, very verbal, fun to be around. :) but when he gets frustrated (which is often), he is a nightmare. the cause/effect thinking is one of the preschool's biggest concern about him. it doesn't matter how many times he has experienced the same cause/effect situation even...it is not enough to deter him from certain situations. i hate that he has never met a stranger and that he will love on anyone. that made me worried about RAD...but having raised a child with RAD i can see it is different. with dd, it was more like parent shopping/attachment weirdness/manipulation....with ds it is just like he is friendly and doesn't know better. he clearly loves me more than strangers, seeks me out in a room of people if he is hurt, happy, needs something. add into that the lack of cause/effect thinking and i think it is more that he just lacks "stranger danger".i don't know if that is helpful at all. lol....but i really do encourage you to call the school district. even if she doesn't qualify or they are not as concerned they can hopefully point you in the right direction for the next steps. :)

Thanks so much c.a. & mommytoeli, I really appreciate your insight! c.a. - my mom also suggested that DD is emotionally behind and last week she just got moved back to the toddler room at daycare which is for ages 20 months to 34 months. She is 38 months old. She seems to be doing better actually. At first I was a little worried about moving her backwards but I think it makes sense and what you have said makes sense. The more I learn too the more I think she doesn't have RAD but attachment issues. I am going to get her some therapy beginning in a bout a week or so and actually I have reached out to the adoption agency that is doing our adoption (it is done privately in our county) and they suggested she do trauma therapy too at age 4 that their organization provides but for now the normal behavioral therapy so I am encouraged to begin these programs. momtoeli - I agree a lot of her symptoms seem like a FAS/FAE kid but we were given all the documentation on the biomom and birthrecords and of course there is no indication of drinking. Well we don't really know. I haven't crossed off that idea as well. Your son sounds just like my daughter. She is adorable, loving and people just think she is the sweetest/cutest kid they've ever seen but then we see the terror side of things and it is crazy :woohoo: Thanks for the encouragement and we are getting her into some therapy ASAP so I hope that helps us ~Rachel

Sounds just like my just-turned 2 y.o. son. He has been with me since 3 months old, so no attachment issues. But, he has crazy meltdowns, is very bossy, extremely verbal and talks ALL THE TIME, very emotional (I like to call him my drama king, lol), very impulsive, bad at problem solving, etc etc I used to think he had MAJOR issues. The pediatrician even suggested seeing a developmental pediatrician because he failed his autism screening. But, when I look at how he has been progressing over his entire life, he really just keeps getting better and better at dealing with life. I think part of it is personality traits inherited from bps, part of it is age, and part of it is that they have experienced loss, and when we're talking about kids adopted out of foster care, most have experienced more trauma. And, seeing that she has really only been with you for 16 months, I feel like she still needs time to catch up to her age-mates. I would not worry too much if I were you.

Sounds a lot like my now 6 year old dd at that age, with the exception of being indiscriminately affectionate, she had huge stranger anxiety. Here's what I know now about her: she has sensory processing disorder (both sensory seeking and defensive), in addition to all sorts of impulsivity and touching (breaking!) things, it can lead to constant irritability (which makes melt downs one "no" away). She also is sensitive to dairy, which was her major food group until she was four years old and I figured it out. Literally within a week of removing all milk ingredients she could sit still for 35 minutes...her longest record until that time was maybe 5 minutes. Her quote about what it was like to have no milk, two weeks off dairy? "I'm happy" What did she feel like before "Angry, sad and droopy." Wow! who knew that was what was going on for her? Since then I've become much more educated about food and behavior and have learned the list of foods that can impact behavior is huge (and can include healthy foods like milk, gluten, strawberries...!! and evil things like dyes and other chemicals) When dd was younger, I read a lot of Heather Forbes, and Gordon Neufeld and listened to Kirk Martin to absorb their philosophy. They all require some level of verbal skills to use, however. Becky Bailey (Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline) and Mary Sheedy Kurchinka (Raising your Spirited Child) were the most helpful for practical solutions with a younger child. They are all grounded in what I call "positive attachment" philosophy. They focus on what is right with the child, building the parent child relationship, and are non-punitive. As a former family therapist, be sure your therapist is well educated about physiological issues that can impact behavior as well as relationship oriented models of parenting. If he or she starts talking sticker charts and/consequences...run! Susan

i'm sure you know this....but it is possible for a child to be exposed to and effected by drugs and alcohol and it not show up in the birth records. Being exposed to these things the first 3 months of pregnancy would be enough to impact a fetus, but far enough removed to not show up on a toxicology report. this son of mine's toxicology report at the time of birth was clean.....we just know he was exposed because she wasn't clean when she first arrived for her stay in jail. since our kids sound similar....here is a story i thought was funny...that only other parents of naughty kids may find funny. lol. ds arrives home tonight with his daddy and i go to get him out of the car. his face is lit up and he excitedly says, "momma, i had a good day!" i said, "you did???" and he said, "yeah, i didn't hit any of my fwiends and i didn't scweam at my teacher. I made good choices!" lol. I had to laugh because the very fact that he could VERBALIZE the naughty things he didn't do today shows he is smart....and KNOWS those things are not acceptable. lol. I of course was very proud that he managed to go one day without attacking his friends or screaming in his teacher's face. baby steps, right? ;)

That cracks me up, I love that he can verbalize it. My daughter too will come home and go through the list of bad things she didn't do and if we ask her about something we know she did (because we get a report from the teacher) she will say "yes well it was a little accident" or "yes I did but I won't do it again" = ) Definitely baby steps and we always count it a good day when she didn't attack her friends either or destroy something or the list goes on. I love that you chose to use the word attack!!! It's so true. Blessings to you as you continue on this journey!

I have a master's in early childhood education and a decade + experience working with at risk children ages 0 - 5. Those are all age appropriate behaviors. That doesn't mean she doesn't have attachment issues or damage caused from trauma that will show up later. As someone else mentioned, it's on a spectrum. It's impossible to guess how her years before you have impacted her. Read up on attachment disorders and therapeutic parenting and put as much as you can into place while she's small and hopefully you won't see lasting damage emerge. Best wishes!