April 23, 1984

It was 27 years ago today that my daughter was born. In some ways I cannot believe how much time has passed and in some ways I feel like it could have been yesterday and I'm somehow still that same 16 year old girl. I have spent all these years thinking about her, praying for her, loving her and passively searching and just making myself available. Every year on her birthday, I hope and pray that it will be the year that she decides to look. As I sit here now thinking back to that day, I feel flooded with love as I remember her and with pain as I remember walking out of that hospital without her. I've always beat myself up about it. Why did I just go along with my parents? Why did I just sign those papers that people shoved at me? Why didn't I grab her, hold on and say no? I hope and pray that one day I will see her face again. I want to know her and what makes her happy. I want to know about what and who she loves and about the path that her life has taken. Most of all, I want her to know that I loved her then and I love her now.