I think we have reached a conclusion

A plan you say?;):p: I think this one sounds great actually and the "to include them in some way" speaks volumes, imo. Meaning, no need for you to stress so much over what happens from here on out because the pressure is less, kwim? Not that it's a "oh, they don't matter" frame of mind, just that it's not necessarily the "OMG, I have to make this perfect!" stress anymore. Now, does this mean I can't come visit since my bouncer skills won't be needed after all?

Haha, gotta LOVE those bouts of amnesia men seem to have....Glad you're getting closer to the finish line on this one!

Crick- you can come visit any time because I need some more saucy in my life. :cool: TG- Seriously, on the amnesia thing! We had that HUGE conversation where he very specifically said that the farthest he could go at this time was inviting them to spend one night here, but only one night and not including anyone else yet. So, as I'm relating this to J, DH pipes up with this "what are you talking about??" face like he has no idea what I'm talking about and never said such a thing. I took the shortcut-- instead of rehashing the whole thing I just said "You said they could spend the night" and kept going. :cowboy:

That sounds like an ok compromise to everything. *sigh* Have you warned DH about *us* coming by though? ;-)

Remember I'll be in the Poconos the 3rd week in July if that helps, LOL

Q- does this mean you guys are coming? :prop: Kathy- I went to Poconos with some ladies from my church one weekend and it's an easy drive from here! PM or facebook me in which resort area you have your cabin. :)

So after a couple weeks of nothing (can you tell patience is not my strong suit?), I asked J in our phone call yesterday whether he would like the invitation to M to come from him (his graduation) or from us (our home). He said he thought it should come from us because he's pretty sure she thinks we hate them so it might help dispel that. What the heck? I asked J some questions: When did you hear that and from whom? Was it recent or a long time ago? Did one of the kids say that or did she? He mumbled a bunch of "I don't know" and "I don't remember" so I don't know if he does but doesn't want to say or if he's pulling something out of the air from years ago. I do know her daughter said M was pretty sure DH and I just wanted to be mean to her but that was 4 yrs ago. And honestly, with J, either scenario could be true- that he was told that recently or that he's pulling it out of his ear from years ago. I'm not grilling to track down who said it and when as a defensive response, I'm more worried about the comment because I thought M and I were in a fairly good place with our last contact, so if that's not true and I'm living in lalaland, I'd really like to know- hence why I'd like to know when (recently? or a long time ago?) and from whom (teen repeating something they think they know, or straight from her?) Aaaaaaanyway, the sucker part comes in when I'm the one to make the effort- again. After I said I wasn't going to. But then I was afraid that he would do nothing and we'd end up excluding them by inaction, KWIM? So I called today and told her they are invited out to an ambiguous celebration of sorts at a unknown date in the future-- as cheerfully as I could. :) You're invited to we-don't-know-what on I-don't-know-when! Yay! :p I also wanted to let her know that I'd be sending his grad announcement and asked her if she'd like any extras. And we chatted a little about Mother's Day. I told her my day wasn't "special" per se, but it was very nice. She told me her day was "very special" and she was "very happy" with it. Good. So, it was as good as it could be considering the ambiguity...and that fact that I suckered myself back into being the one to do the work. 40 lashes for me. :bullwhip: (that's a wet noodle he's holding, isn't it?)

you are such a......Mom.;) LOL! THIS time it's a wet noodle. Next time it'll be a rubber band.:evilgrin: Nah, I get it. I mean, we say it all the time that kids this age aren't necessarily 100% ready to take over all the adult things in life. This is really the last big "event" you'll be doing for him (other than what you are ALLOWED to do for his wedding per the bride's mom;)) so really, I don't see that many opportunities where you'd have to do anything again. kwim?

Good point. I'll only ever be the groom's mom, and depending on how things work out, I may be sharing the consideration in some way, so yeah- control in weddings not going to happen! I do want to be careful though because with the family history of long apron strings, I want to make sure I don't fall into that pattern, ya know? And as much as J pushes for independence in some things, he also likes dependence in some things. He wants my help writing his "personal statement of intent" for his grad school apps. I don't think he *should* want my help for that. I know he'll justify it as that I have writing/editing experience (though you wouldn't know it from my hasty typos on here sometimes!), and I also know he's a "social do-er"- meaning he does ANYTHING better that he does with someone rather than by himself. But being ABLE to be, and do things, independently is a major life skill that he HAS to learn, or he'll be in relationships or situations just for the sake of companionship or fail to realize what HE is capable of. So every time I do something for him lately, I worry that I'm undermining that for him. And how that plays into this whole reunion-of-sorts-4-yrs-later thing, I have no idea. Hello, my name is Heidi and I'm an overanalyzer.