Daycare/Preschool Info Sharing? Crosspost

I would be upfront and share any information that would be helpful to your son and to the adults that will be working with him. I would let the teachers know that you are shaing private information only to help them understand his behaviors and needs. Good luck with your son and your job search. :)

I would be upfront and share any information that would be helpful to your son and to the adults that will be working with him. I would let the teachers know that you are shaing private information only to help them understand his behaviors and needs. Good luck with your son and your job search. :)

You don't need to tell them about the drug exposure, etc. if you feel that is private information, but it's very helpful for teachers to know about any sensory issues in advance. Yes, maybe you should have told them upon enrollment, but the entire way they've handled the situation is unprofessional and probably not even developmentally appropriate for ANY young 3. If they are a rigid program not willing to make reasonable exceptions for your child's behavior they are not the right fit for him, and personally I would pull him right away. As an adoptee (as an infant) who had insecure attachment patterns that were triggered in part by multiple daycare placements I would fully agree some of the issues are related. Kids at high risk of insecure attachment (which includes any adoptee IMO) need secure primary AND secondary caregivers. Find a good placement and stick with it, even if it means driving further or paying more. Poor quality daycare does do damage, and that's not my opinion--it's the result of dozens of studies by NAEYC! I'm an early childhood educator (yes, there is a direct correlation between my own early care experiences and my drive to become an educator), and both my personally run programs and the school I am teaching in are 100% integrated, and dedicated to ensuring all children receive quality care. Children with SPD (or other issues) need special care. I still expect them to follow safety rules, but other "rules" that are more along the lines of guidelines can be adapted. For example--our "no toys at circle time" rule goes out the window, they are allowed (and actively encouraged) to have a fidget toy. Or they may not be expected to sit down for circle time at all, they may with a teacher in the back of the group, sit on a bean bag chair, or for some children the expectation that they will join us for circle is waived altogether for awhile until they are ready (we start with encouraging them to join for one song, then maybe a couple, and eventually a song and story, etc). We will adapt the class schedule, provide extra support during challenging time periods (nap time is the worst!), plan additional outside or gross motor activities, incorporate brushing or deep pressure prior to quiet activities, provide a "safe space" in the classroom for the child to go when upset, whatever it takes to make that child successful in our group. Yes, sometimes I yank my hair out and occasionally run screaming to the directors office (like when one little guy stole the dish soap we were using in the sensory table, ran around the room with it upside down, and as I was trying to clean up the mess stripped naked and climbed into the sensory table for a bath), but these concerns are communicated to parents in meeting that includes all the child's teachers and the director, with an emphasis on how we can help their child succeed--not how much of a behavior problem their child is. We have specific guidelines for drawing up behavior plans, which we review with parents and adjust according to the information they give us about their child and what works at home. Go in to the new daycare in advance. Ask what experience they have with exceptional children, and what their policies are for integration. Ask to observe the class while in session, try to go while they are doing a whole group activity and see how they handle "problem" behaviors. Depending on the program, they may even let your son do a trial session or spend time in the classroom before enrolling (you stay with him, even if that's not their policy). They should have an open door policy allowing parents in the classroom at any time--if not find another program. The schools business is your sons current special needs. The way your family was formed & the fact that he was drug exposed can be useful information, but it's not something they are entitled to. We had a recently adopted child enroll in our program last semester, while I would have loved to know her story there was a lot her family chose not to share & that's fine. We had a child with HIV enroll--I don't even know who it is. The director gave ALL staff additional training in safety precautions during a staff meeting. She is the ONLY one who knows this child's medical background, it won't even be shared with the office staff. Confidentiality is that important. If one of my parents had confided in me about the issues you shared with your teacher I would automatically let them know that the information is something I would like to share with my director and DIRECT co-teachers who also work with the child PRIOR to sharing that information. Nobody else needs to know about the child's background or any specific diagnosis. On my soap box again...off I go!

I've read some great information on The special needs and attachment boards here, which have education-based ideas in dealing with issues like the ones you have expressed.

I did tell my son's school and part of me wished I did not. The only person on the Ed team that was aware of the trama and effect was the Behavioral psy. Not one teacher has been sympathetic to his past. It is not your fault the way he acts. The drugs and family history are to blame. I feel that it has stigmatized him.

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I would not share this information with anyone except his physician.....deal with the behaviors. And shame on that "professional" for sharing your sons info, hopefully it hasn't gotten around to other families. This is none of thier business. I always ask myself what good will this info do, yes you may need tell them he has sensory issues--who doesn't?? Noticing tagless clothes?? I don't know to what degree these exist and I certainly don't want to dismiss them. My daughter has had numerous sensory issues over the years and we try to help her when we can--for example when she was 3 or so she had to have the line on her socks going across her toes perfectly, I tried my best, that's all I could do. Many times she just had to deal with the reality because we were in a hurry and couldn't spend the time to do it perfectly. That's life. But this passed and different things have come and gone.....we never made a big deal about them(she's 11). I think people make to big a deal out of some of this stuff. Address the behavior. Get strict at home with timeouts, loss of privledges etc. A 3yo boy that is active and has trouble sitting still and listening is not out of the ordinary, I'm appauled at the way many children behave in public and many are much older than 3!!! He may or may not be ADHD etc. This is why the dr does not want to label him at such at this young age. I would never use this(drug exposure/addiction) as an excuse for my children to misbehave......while I'm not sure what this particular daycare expected or why they couldn't work with you, I agree with one of the other posters you need to find a consistent, safe, loving daycare provider and stick with them. I heard a child psychologist speak about childrens behaviors which are way out of control at this point in history--he said it's our responsibility to get our children prepared "to live out there", in the world...no judge is going to care what our childrens history is....there will be no coddling them in juvenile hall. Obeying your parents, rules, laws etc is not optional. Yes, it is sad that many of our children have had a rough start in life, but once we teach them to obey the rules the happier and more peaceful all of our lives become!! And children really do like structure and rules with consistent consequences(we all do). My heart goes out to you because it seems like you have a lot on your plate right now with being out of work and being the sole support both financially and emotionally. Hopefully a job will find you soon. Take advantage of this time off to concentrate on making your son follow the rules. And this is very important: Find a friend/family member who will help you(maybe trade babysitting hours), but will also be consistent with discipling him. Because as we all know, we need time outs too!!! Make sure you take care of yourself--3yo have so much energy to challenge us--get recharged so you're up for that challenge. Hope you find a job soon christie

Whatever you decide to do in the future, you should let them principal and probably the board of the church preschool know that confidential information was shared. That could cost them their license. They need to know not to do that. Maybe you can help the next family by confronting them on this now.

I have to respectfully disagree here as far as enforcing further discipline goes. It sounds as if that's exactly what the school did that did not work. Presumably the same thing happens at home. Yes all children need structure, routines, and rules. But some children, specifically those whose brains have been altered prenatally by highly addictive substances, need more.Identifying and treating a disability such as Sensory Integration Disorder is not giving children an excuse, it's giving them the help they need specifically because their brain is not interpreting specific signals correctly. Telling a child (or adult for that matter) with SID/OCD/ADD/ADHD/etc to simply "deal with it" is like telling a child with diabetes they should simply eat better. A few individuals with diabetes may be able to control it through diet--but not everyone. Special circumstance need to be addressed to treat the child's REAL disorder.I have various learning issues, and in college had specific accommodations such as increased time on timed tests, a distraction-free testing room, reduced workload when possible, etc. At times I felt I was getting an "unfair" advantage--but a quick check with my accommodations counselor reassured me that I was simply getting services that ensured I had the same chance to succeed as others not dealing with my specific challenges. I had to meet the same standards as other students-- couldn't just skip assignments and tests and still expect an A--and even with the accommodations it was probably harder in many ways. He referred to it as "moving the starting line up". It's not excuses or avoidance or misbehavior, it's a way to ensure each individual has the best chance possible for success. Again, from the teacher's perspective, I would never send a child to school without information on their specific needs--no more than I would send them without shoes (believe me, some do!). You don't need to share your child's entire background or even information about the drug exposure, but information on his sensitivities and what accommodations he needs to ensure he has that chance for success.

Me again, I just want to defend myself, as to the sensory issues and the person who was saying that the just deal with it attitude is wrong.....I did not say that!! You said that these were minor and I said many people have some sensory issues. I told you about one of the many my own daughter had, fortunately she did not have to go to daycare, if she had I would have alerted them of this because chances are that she would be flailing on the floor everytime she had to put her socks on to go outside! But I would have never shared her story, it is hers and it is private. I know that nothing is private in daycare settings, one person tells someone and they tell another etc. it happens with the caseworkers in our homes,(they tell us stuff they shouldn't) teachers, church friends etc. I don't want my children to be known forever as the kid/s that was/were adopted addicted to drugs. We live in a small town. I would share on an absolute need to know basis, I've told thier pediatrician. I'm not even sure if he needed to know, never once has it come up that they had to use an alternative med or treatment because of it. I would even be careful of the info I share with family..... As far as ADHD he is a3 year old boy, they are all ADHD!!! That is why they don't dx this at this young age...and what is the most helpful thing for kids who are ADHD---rules, consequences and structure. So if it turns out that he is ADHD(which tons of non drug kids are) then you are ahead of the game!! God bless, christie

No need to defend yourself, hence the respectfully disagreeing. You're sharing your own experiences, which may be as applicable as mine depending on the OP's circumstances. I'm simply expressing my own viewpoint, based on my experiences as an individual with sensory issues and a teacher of many little ones who have had them. I don't know the OP or her 3 year old, so can't say one way or another whether her child meets the criteria for ADHD/SID/whatever (couldn't legally say even if I DID know him and it was obvious)--but I think it's important to recognize that a lot of times parents ARE told it's just their parenting style, or the child is spoiled, or they should just do xyz and it would fix the situation, when there is actually an underlying diagnosis that could be identified and treated effectively. In fact, in discussing my cousin's 3-year-old's recent SID diagnosis (she has been open about this info being shared with close family) in an attempt to explain why an upcoming family activity may not be appropriate for this particular child, the response I automatically got was "Well all 3 year olds are like that!". Honestly, if not for the fact that I see this child on regular occasion and have observed him in a multitude of different settings, even with knowing what signs to look for I would not have recognized the sensory integration issues and even I discounted some of them when his mom first pointed them out. But recognizing them now, I have a chance to step in and adapt an activity, thus preventing the potential melt down/wind up that would likely take place otherwise. I fully agree with the concept of a child's story being their own, and especially in a smaller community allowing them to choose how and what they are comfortable sharing. It's regretful that other facilities don't have the same level of respect for privacy that ours does. I think there is a lot of information that is/should be "need to know", the circumstances behind the child's placement may be among them. The important bits to pass on are often the little things, like the socks issue. Granted, it probably wouldn't take me long to figure out what the trigger was, but it's certainly easier to prevent an outburst rather than deal with a screaming child while trying to get 11 more 3 year olds dressed and out the door!

Thanks, and I agree about the privacy problems!! It is crazy, these BP have privacy, some don't deserve it. These children go to school and their stories are shared with/by the staff and little by little it gets around. Maybe with good intentions but still the stigma is just one more thing these kids don't need to follow them especially into adult life!! We live in a town of less that 1000. I love the small town atmosphere but you can't fart here without it getting around!! :D

As a special education teacher in a public school, I feel as though it is important to share certain information in order to get him the support he needs throughout the day. You do not have to share everything but maybe just the attention component. Attention issues are quite common and just sharing this is keeping his life story private. There are so many little things that could be done in order to make his days better. A visual schedule, strutured routines, motor breaks, standing at the table instead of sitting(this works wonders).

Well, I am happy to report my son is doing very well at his new daycare, it is a chain, but a good one that concentrates on learning. I think, 1. They deal with more children who have some special needs/issues and are used to it.2. Their policy is not to force a child to remain part of an activity, so as he wanders(ADHD starts in) there is no "enforcing" so therefore they dont' see the defiance(that I of course continue to see at home) Once I realized the 2nd I had some conversation with his Teacher and the Director. Basically that I just would like to see him participate more and although not "Demand" like the previous setting did, to encourage him. I think starting out the way it did at the new school allowed him to adjust and now that they are paying a bit more attention to him being a loner/wanderer it is working out too. His learning has improved dramatically, as has his enjoyment of school. He liked it before, but now they enjoy him too!I am still waiting on evaluations at the Children's Hospital and Developmental Preschool, but am hopeful we are on the right track, I doubt he will qualify for the preschool(which is a shame as it is FREE, lol) I am still seeking a new job, some days I am digging out of an emotional hole dealing with the two, but most days are good. Thanks everyone for the replys!