Sleeping thru Night= Massive Meltdowns

My son was older when he moved in at 9, but still spent 3 months on our floor, then 5 in his room, and then another 4 months on our floor when I went back to work. It was tough. Very very anxious.We tried a lot of ways to get him comfortable sleeping in his own room, it was the tantrums at night for us. They'd start as soon as we said it was time to get into bed. The routine before that would be smooth.So sorry, I'm not really much help. But you are not alone!! Can you ramp up quiet one-on-one time in your routine? Spend some time just before bed doing something together, or just cuddling on the couch? Maybe spend the quality time together and then let DH finish off the rest of the routine if it's you she's acting out at? Then just come for another calm, quick hug and kiss before bed. At least for a while as she learns that you're not rejecting her by having her sleep in her own bed? Then pour yourself a cup of tea (or beverage of your choice) and congratulate yourself on making it through another night.

Wow - you have a lot going on. I feel for you. Find yourself a closet. And bottle of liquor. Three is a bad age - they're still tantrumming and not able to verbalize what's going on. We had to carry Manny in a wrestling hold sometimes - with feet and arms facing out so he wouldn't swing at or kick us. I'm thinking your daughter's rages, throwing the water at you and saying hurtful things sound like impulse control stuff. Our son does that (although less now that he's a bit older) and I just go on autopilot. I just talk in a monotone and repeat back, "yes, you hate me, yes you're going back to Guatemala, yes you hate Miss Karen because she never gives you a star," and I just keep washing him or whatever. Just tell yourself you're mentally checking out for a bit. Don't react. Just go into robot mode. I know my older kids think I'm a lunatic when I act like that, but it helps, and I don't waste energy or emotionally react to a raging kid. We had the same problem with tantrums at bedtime- Manny would end up in our bed every night, pretty much sleeping on top of us. Finally when he turned 5 he was able to sleep on his own, but he still appears in our room at daybreak and hangs all over us, yapping and jumping everywhere. What helped was age and also a very rigid nighttime routine - exactly 3 Bugs Bunny episodes with a snack, brush teeth, read exactly two books, sit in the rocking chair a few minutes. Then he has to switch his light from hi to low. It has to be the same every night. And all the lights have to be left on. And sometimes at bedtime he just cannot calm down, like your daughter. It's like they know the end of the day is near but they just can't unwind. He gets all silly and out of control when this happens, like ADHD gone wild. What helps is a REALLY long walk - all around the neighborhood, like one or even two miles. And he has to walk - riding in a wagon or stroller won't tire him out enough. I can't tell you how many weird looks we get when people see a man and/or woman and a little kid walking around at 9 and 10 pm. But something about exercise and night air calms him down. Hang in there. Stick to your guns and keep her in her own bed. It will get better when she's a little older. Rachael

Okay, Rachael - I had to laugh. And I am going to admit that for the first time in my life, alcohol, drugs - they all make sense to me! I am parenting a (disrupting) RAD child. The most engaging young man outside our home. And I fully understand "better living through pharmaceuticals"! I'm not doing it ... yet ... but I sure understand it!Question: Our adoption worker told us that the mothers of foster to adopt children virtually all end up on anxiety and or depression medication. Has anyone else heard this? Any thoughts?I wonder what the charted diagnosis would me? "Adopted a teenager with RAD"? lol!

:wings: LOL, my foster to adopt son also has RAD, PTSD and ADHD. Some days with the rages and angry out bursts it makes you wonder will the parents need meds too with all the disruption in the home. those behaviors was mostly when the child first came to us. Thank God for meds because his Psyc, Doctor adjusted his meds and we can really see the difference in him. It has helped a lot.:banana: :fish:

Oh, I can so relate to the sleep issues. My daughter is 10 (came to us at 9, 18 months ago) and suffers from anxiety and panic in a huge way. It all comes out at night. We had three weeks where SHE DID NOT SLEEP. This meant we didn't sleep. It was miserable. There were horrible meltdowns (from everyone!) Remeron is what saved us. It works for anxiety and puts her to sleep within an hour - hour and a half of taking it. We tried everything we could think of before that: me sleeping with her, her sleeping with us, her sleeping on the floor of our bedroom, her sleeping on the couch, calm tea, warm milk, bath before bed, no bath/shower before bed, tv before bed, no tv, story before bed, various prescription and over the counter meds, etc. It is horrible when your child is in a panic and you are all sleep deprived.