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My reunion with my birth family started well, but ended up with me forced to say goodbye to them. Very painful (I needed three Kamikazes and a bottle of Brandy the following day-I'll never do that again!). I learned several lessons and in order to help others, I have a page of advice here: [url=http://www.squidoo.com/finding-your-birth-family-can-be-hazardous-to-your-marriage]Finding Your Birth Family Can Be Hazardous To Your Marriage[/url]
If you're interested, here's my story:
I always knew I was adopted, which occurred when I was born. My adoptive family gave me all the care and love one could ask for. As I watched my mother decline in health and die, I realized I needed to contact my birth mother to tell her everything turned out OK and I wasn't angry. It took me about two years to find her. I just figured if I always thought about her in the back of my mind, she must be wondering about me and how my life ended up.
I found her and she was very happy to hear from me. She stays in touch with my birth father (they divorced about ten years after my birth) so I was able to contact him; he was also happy. I discovered I had two sisters and a half sister. They also were very happy. Also, two sisters are married and each has a daughter.
So lot's of excitement and emotion, some of which was due to the fact that birth mom never told anyone about me. Lot's of email's and plenty of phone calls and text messages. I was so excited, especially since I never got along with my adopted brother (a drug addict and thief now dead) and so I always felt more like an only child.
My wife and kids were with me when I meet birth mom. Everything went well
What went wrong? I went to visit a sister without my wife (and then the other sisters). She wanted to go. During my visit, my wife and I had some misunderstandings and she ended up angry at me and my sister. So after my sister dropped me off at the airport, my sister sent my wife a text saying thanks for letting me visit. My wife sent a reply and made the comment I was like my birth dad. That was the wrong thing to write as my sister does not get along with my birth dad. So my sister was very upset.
Over the next several months, there's a lot of pressure and stress as these two are not getting along. My wife tried planning a surprise birthday party for me as a way to communicate with my birth family but it didn't work out. My wife sent the sister a friend invite through Facebook, and not only was that not accepted, my sister blocked my wife.
I guess that was the final straw. During all this, my wife and I are fighting because I was mad at her for not helping things along. My sister refusing the friend invite, then blocking, was no help either.
I can not have a relationship with anyone as long as these two women are fighting. So I ended up sending an email to all of them (except birth father, we are still talking) saying goodbye because it's not working out and I can find no way to join our families together.
This has been a very painful experience for me and I guess it's also bad for them, as I walked in and disrupted their lives, yet they welcomed me with open arms, then I'm closing the door in their face. I guess I'm a mean person.
I hope that out of this awful experience, others will find my web page and see the lessons I learned. I'm still in shock and think about them constantly. This will stay with me until I die.
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Thank you for sharing your story and this very insightful information. As a search adviser, I think it is well worth passing along to those just entering reunion. :thanks:
I sure do hope things get better for you.
boeinguy
My reunion with my birth family started well, but ended up with me forced to say goodbye to them. Very painful (I needed three Kamikazes and a bottle of Brandy the following day-I'll never do that again!). I learned several lessons and in order to help others, I have a page of advice here: [url=http://www.squidoo.com/finding-your-birth-family-can-be-hazardous-to-your-marriage]Finding Your Birth Family Can Be Hazardous To Your Marriage[/url]
If you're interested, here's my story:
I always knew I was adopted, which occurred when I was born. My adoptive family gave me all the care and love one could ask for. As I watched my mother decline in health and die, I realized I needed to contact my birth mother to tell her everything turned out OK and I wasn't angry. It took me about two years to find her. I just figured if I always thought about her in the back of my mind, she must be wondering about me and how my life ended up.
I found her and she was very happy to hear from me. She stays in touch with my birth father (they divorced about ten years after my birth) so I was able to contact him; he was also happy. I discovered I had two sisters and a half sister. They also were very happy. Also, two sisters are married and each has a daughter.
So lot's of excitement and emotion, some of which was due to the fact that birth mom never told anyone about me. Lot's of email's and plenty of phone calls and text messages. I was so excited, especially since I never got along with my adopted brother (a drug addict and thief now dead) and so I always felt more like an only child.
My wife and kids were with me when I meet birth mom. Everything went well
What went wrong? I went to visit a sister without my wife (and then the other sisters). She wanted to go. During my visit, my wife and I had some misunderstandings and she ended up angry at me and my sister. So after my sister dropped me off at the airport, my sister sent my wife a text saying thanks for letting me visit. My wife sent a reply and made the comment I was like my birth dad. That was the wrong thing to write as my sister does not get along with my birth dad. So my sister was very upset.
Over the next several months, there's a lot of pressure and stress as these two are not getting along. My wife tried planning a surprise birthday party for me as a way to communicate with my birth family but it didn't work out. My wife sent the sister a friend invite through Facebook, and not only was that not accepted, my sister blocked my wife.
I guess that was the final straw. During all this, my wife and I are fighting because I was mad at her for not helping things along. My sister refusing the friend invite, then blocking, was no help either.
I can not have a relationship with anyone as long as these two women are fighting. So I ended up sending an email to all of them (except birth father, we are still talking) saying goodbye because it's not working out and I can find no way to join our families together.
This has been a very painful experience for me and I guess it's also bad for them, as I walked in and disrupted their lives, yet they welcomed me with open arms, then I'm closing the door in their face. I guess I'm a mean person.
I hope that out of this awful experience, others will find my web page and see the lessons I learned. I'm still in shock and think about them constantly. This will stay with me until I die.
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Reading your story has made me feel a bit better about myself. I haven't had contact with my son for a while as we would get on fine then something would upset him then he would be angry with me. The only problem is he wouldn't tell me why he was angry and would expect me to be a mind reader.
Sorry things did not go well with your family. It is hard for me to understand though. I am not saying anything negative about your wife as she must be good to and for you as you highly regard her opinion. But it is hard for me to understand why she is basically making you choose between a relationship with her or your birthsister. I have a slightly similiar situation as my husband's sisters treat me (and most everyone) like dirt. But the kids and I basically ignore the bad behavior and "take one for the team". Can you appeal to your wife's loyalty to you and ask her to make nice? I think you can never have enough people in your life who love you and eventually you might build a nice relationship with your birthfamily. Hope she (and sis) can come to a resolution soon. Best wishes.
Thank you for sharing your story. My bson said he wanted our families to reunite after we met in December 2010. He was adopted by his paternal grandparents. I've been upset and sick with the fact that nothing has transpired. I've been going round and round trying to figure out what to do.You've given me a new perspective. Perhaps it's not for the best to try to unite our two families.