1st Post... Small Story

Hi everyone. I don't even know where to begin so I begin about me. I am 33 years old, have a 5 year old daughter, nice house, great husband. A very long or not so long time ago when i was 16 years old. I had a beautiful baby girl. Was so proud, worked hard, had a apartment and tried my hardest to stay out of trouble. Well I did great. One day it happened the father of my baby and I had broken up. He visited her at the apartment or at my mothers house. It was a Wednesday and he was making a surprise visit to my mothers house. I was at work. I remember this as if it were yesterday. I returned to my mothers house to pick up the baby and she said the baby went with her father. I panicked called the police, they said he is the father it is not kidnapping unless I had court documents proving I had custody. Which in turn broke my heart. I lost my job due to the fact that I was non stop searching for my baby for about a month. Which of course led to me losing my apartment and things. I moved back to my mothers house. When I got a notice from the state of oregon that i was to appear in court for the father of my baby thought that dropping my baby off at the state of oregon department of children and families would be a great idea while he was at work. Of course I was relieved that she was safe and i could get my baby back.... I was wrong. The courts judge was a cold older lady who didn't care that i had brought the police report from a month earlier, she said i neglected the child and that my baby was to remain in custody. Also slammed me for not having a job and being evicted from my apartment. I was 16 years old then. I was devestated, heartbroken and filled with so much hate it was pulsing through my veins. I did 1 years of visitations, even though i got a job, apartment and counseling, at this time, I was engaged to a wonderful man and i found out i was pregnant and was scared for the baby in my belly, I was really close to gaining full custody of my child, well so i thought. It was time for me to sit down with the state of oregon and discuss the next 6 month plan which i was so excited for I had jumped through all the hoops put before me and I felt warmth and happiness waiting for this day. I got to the office for the meeting, i waited in the waiting room in which i have been over 100 times for visitations. I was pregnant and showing and was so happy, this would be my day. I remember sitting down with the social worker i had tears in my eyes. And she said those heart wrenching words to me. Heres the deal Jody, your daughter has been also visiting with a family who want to adopt your daughter. I am advising you today to that in order for you to be able to keep the child your pregnant with you have to relinquish your rights to your daughter......If you do this, we will not interfere with your family when she is born, you will get to meet the family and it will be a semi open adoption, which means you can write and send pictures as well as the family will write you and send pictures. I will give you a week to decide what you want to do...... What i really wanted to do is........ well what would you want to do...... I went home and the drive home was the most horrible experience I have ever felt to this day. So after discussing things with my soon to be husband and family who were all outraged. We decided to relinquish the rights of my baby. I met the parents and their son, gave me chills, the son who was their child was slapping his mother in the face during our meeting, I remember asking the mother if he will be allowed to slap my daughter like that without punishment, because he was slapping her and she was smiling like nothing was happening. I addressed my concerns with the social worker in front of the family. And it happened I went before a number of people who by law witnessed my relinquishment and signing of the adoption papers. And as promised when i gave birth to my child they did not interfere ever. My child that I gave birth to died 2 months later due to a heart condition. So I was even more devestated. I ended up breaking up with my fiancee and really distanced my self from everyone for years. Going to work, going home. Sleeping as much as i could not wanting to do anything but be left alone by everyone. I finally woke up it took me around 7 years. And now married house child happy. But missing a huge spot in my life that was ripped from me..... Of course I did research on why the state would lie to me and have a "prospective" family visit with my daughter during the time that I was visiting my daughter. Come to find out in that time the State was paid $10,000 for every child they could place in adoption. So my daughter was sold to the highest bidder for $10k. I know her name hasn't changed only her last name. I wish I could see her. I still have all my original documents going back to the police report filed and to the flyer I placed all around town looking for her father and her. I even have the states documents and written promises to leave my family alone if I were to give up for adoption. Jasmine is her first name, Oregon is where this took place. Please if anyone knows where she is tell her that she is loved and deeply missed.