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We are researching adoption and have no problem with a limited open adoption. We are open to providing annual photos and update information. We definitely plan on telling our child of the adoption and share photos and family/medical history of the birth parents.
We would even understand if our child would like to meet his/her birth parents. However, we would feel upset if our child should want to replace us with his/her birth parents or make his/her birth parents a priority.
We want to adopt to build our family. We have a bio daughter who would love to grow-up with a sibling, so we don't want her feelings hurt. I have a big family and would always want our child to put us first when it comes to family, holidays, vacations... (Until they have a family of their own.)
Is this too much to expect?? If you are in contact with your birth parents, how do you feel about your adoptive family? Have things changed with your adoptive family? Do you still consider them to be your first family?
Thanks for any input about this sensitive matter!
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jen65
We are researching adoption and have no problem with a limited open adoption. We are open to providing annual photos and update information. We definitely plan on telling our child of the adoption and share photos and family/medical history of the birth parents.
We would even understand if our child would like to meet his/her birth parents. However, we would feel upset if our child should want to replace us with his/her birth parents or make his/her birth parents a priority.
We want to adopt to build our family. We have a bio daughter who would love to grow-up with a sibling, so we don't want her feelings hurt. I have a big family and would always want our child to put us first when it comes to family, holidays, vacations... (Until they have a family of their own.)
Is this too much to expect?? If you are in contact with your birth parents, how do you feel about your adoptive family? Have things changed with your adoptive family? Do you still consider them to be your first family?
Thanks for any input about this sensitive matter!
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Dear Caths1964,
Yes, I was hoping that would want us to remain as the natural first choice for the special times in his/her life. Not to say that he/she should not share these events with the birth family at a different time or in a different way. I was just hoping that would want to keep our traditions first until they marry and have a family.
Thanks!
Jen, Would you replace your feelings, interactions, traditions for/with your mom and dad now that you have a new mother and father in-law because you got married? That is what it boils down to, really. You would have to have horrible parents and a horrible life to consider doing that. The same can be said about the adoptee. Does it ever happen - yes - to what degree - who knows, but I would assume it would only be for the same reasons any non-adopted individual would make that choice. You cannot replace shared memories, times, events, traditions - they make up who you are as an individual. Just like you can love more people in your life and not take away a single thing from any others that you love, so can adoptees. I cannot remember ever hearing an adoptee say I am looking for my other parents to replace my current parents. Rather they are looking for their parents simply because we have four parents to start with and we only know two. We don't know the two that created us or who our other family is, who are ancestors were and what they did. Will some adoptees feel more comfortable in their family of origin than they do in their family by adoption - quite likely - but history within the family balances that out too and few want to replace one for the other unless there is a reason. Being secure in acknowledging the differences and the reality that by the act of adoption we now have two families, and not allowing fear of the unknowns will be a huge bonus to your children, both by your words and actions including body language. Kind regards,Dickons