years of emotional abuse by adoptive mom

last evening i realized my adoptive mom is a very vindictive woman and has been emotionally abusing me for a good 5 years now. i have many issues because of this, i feel there is no where to turn at times even. she has used the fact that she adopted me against me as a way to guilt me in to feeling like i must love her no matter what. the woman raised me in a way my biomom could not, she was able to provide me with a happy childhood til about age 11 when i remember things going down hill. my adoptive father is still in the picture and they are married. just i feel like there is no way to get support i need, be it just even emotional support in the form of group therapy. i really love my biomom for doing what she had to do, i don't know if i will ever seek her out as i am now ashamed at the woman i have turned out to be. i feel like i am one of the mistakes. one of the few that could have benefited from a foster care system at times, i still have pictures of my foster family. assuming they would have been the family i was with all you see is smiles, siblings even. in the end i grew up an only child that was blissfully ignorant to many things. my adoptive parents did not even plan on telling me i was adopted til one day i came home in tears because of bullying at school. i feel lost, abandoned, and just shut out by a family that biomom fought so hard to get me placed with. it makes me cry so much at night, some days.