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BM just sent me a FB friend request
Background: TPR was 17 months ago; finalization was 10 months ago. Pre-TPR BM attempted to use things on my myspace page was reasons I'd be an unfit mom. As a result, I locked down access to my social media pages. this was a kinship adoption through the BF side.. I did not know BM prior to the placement
Reasons not to accept:
* family thinks she's manipulative and doesn't do things without an agenda. Family will give me grief if I friend her
* I'll need to think before posting
* She'll get access to many more pictures than she would have had otherwise
* DH is not a fan of giving her access. Though when I told him he needs to come up with the alternative, he can't
Reasons to accept:
* Our relationship is pretty good right now.. Rejecting her (which is how she'll see it) is apt to set off more drama
* My page is "life-light" these days. i stopped posting real vents and such after finalization. So there's nothing much there that I wouldn't want her to know anyway
* It gives me access to HER page and I'd be able to see whats going on in her life.
I sent her the following email:
Hi T,
Glad to see you're online again! i hope it was a short delay.
I got your facebook friend request this morning. i have to admit, i'm a bit torn.
On one hand, I'd love for you to see whats going on in our lives. I'm forever posting quick snapshots of our activities. I try to remember to update you when I see you, but since thats not very often, I'm sure I forget things.
I'd love to know whats going on in your life, as well!
On the other hand.. it was access to my social media that was used to try to keep us from having J in the first place. It was the GAL expressing your lawyer's concerns that caused me to lock down access in the first place. i don't hold that against you.. I'm sure i would have fought dirty if someone was trying to take my kid away too. But I do have to be honest and say I am nervous about adding you.
My facebook page is much more than my life with J.. Its my friends, family, volunteer activities.. basically, my "online life". Since part of that life offends you, I fear access will only cause more trouble between us.
My other concern is control over pictures. While I'd love for you to see all the things j is involved in, I'm not comfortable with all those pictures being shared without specific permission from B & I.
I would like to try friending you. So long as it doesn't cause more problems than it solves... And so long as you don't share the pictures I post there, I think its might be a good way for us to connect.
if, however, things start to blow up.. i'll reserve the right to step back
Does that sound fair?
Waiting for the reply.
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What are the stipulations with pics now? Do you send her some electronically, or do you just give her photos?
The reason I ask is that if I remember right, J has a family member that abused her (or maybe I'm thinking of someone else here). Is there a concern with that person having access to T's page, therefore possibly having access to J's photos if T decides to save a copy of J's photo and then post it somewhere?
good memory. yes, she's had electronic and physical access to pictures. She's not allowed to share without our permission.
of course, thats a huge leap of faith, right? Unfortunately, even with physical pictures, they can be scanned and shared. so there's no way to police other than to threaten loss of access to j should she not "play nice"
She has abided by all rules when spelled out thus far, for the most part. The one exception was a "misunderstanding" (she gave my email address to the pedophile.. she just needed to get me a message that her email was down and since i didnt provide a phone number.. .:grr: )
update.. she just told me she didn't send the request... fb is just screwy :p
usisarah
What are the stipulations with pics now? Do you send her some electronically, or do you just give her photos?
The reason I ask is that if I remember right, J has a family member that abused her (or maybe I'm thinking of someone else here). Is there a concern with that person having access to T's page, therefore possibly having access to J's photos if T decides to save a copy of J's photo and then post it somewhere?
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update.. she just told me she didn't send the request... fb is just screwy
Put her on a special list, and then you can lock your pictures. The ones you want her to have, put in a special album. You can even lock certain status updates if needed.My abrother has an issue with my reunion. I do this with him. Not to exclude him, but to avoid hurting his feelings. When he works things out, he can have full access again.