Upset/Guilt?

I felt that way as well

I gave a daughter up almost 27 years ago when I was 16. Life at home was not good, and I did not want to bring a baby into an unhappy environment. We have reunited, but I am filled with constant despair/guilt/regret for having given her up. She ended up in a wonderful family and is very successful in life; but I am not her mother. When I see her (which is only a few times a year) it is wonderful and easy. When I am not with her I am filled with constant feelings that she is trying to distance herself from me. I do not logically think this is the case, but I can't help but be fearful of this as I am not her mother. I am absolutely terrified to dial the phone to call her, but when I do it is good. I am afraid that she will not answer or return a call; reject me. My biggest (huge) regret in life was giving her up. I will never get over it and I will never get enough of her to feel whole. Consider this decision carefully. I gave her up because I knew I could not give her a perfect life. Now I realize that there is no perfect life and I made a giant mistake. If there is no chance that abuse or neglect will come to the baby, seriously consider raising that child.

Reconsider raising your son. There are resources out there to help you raise him and your partner is also responsible for providing for your son as well. Adoption doesn't guarantee a better life, it is just different. Also adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. I suspect you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't raise your son.

As an adoptee myself, this hits home all the way with me and I agree with it 100%. If you love your baby and are mentally and physically able to nurture and raise him, adoption is not justified. Financial troubles do not warrant adoption. If there's a will there's a way. A baby losing his mother is one thing, but losing his entire heritage, looking in a mirror and seeing nobody reflected back...is traumatic. And the adoptive family can not possibly understand the baby's needs and difference because he will be unable to communicate them and understand them himself.

There's nothing more to add here. Tinmarie said it all. She nailed it. Every emotion, every fear, every pain. Consider EVERYTHING. Everyone warns you not to get a tattoo at 18, that you will regret it when you're 40. Nobody warns you of the constant pain that losing a child brings.

You have gotten some wonderful advice. As an adoptee who was left for 90 days in care I wish my Bmom would have at least considered raising me or at least entertained the notion. I was however blessed with teh best parents on earth and thank God on a daily basis I was not raised by her. Please take as much time as you need, get counseling and be certain to tailor any adoption plans that you are comfortable with. While bmoms parenting is always a first choice that is not to say it is teh best choice, you are the only one that can call that shot. I pray whatever you decided you are at peace with.

My son was born 3 months ago, when I was still a senior in high school. I felt awful thinking about giving him up for adoption. I have always wanted to be a mom. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that I wanted better for him than what I had, and could give or offer him. And the events that have continued to happen since I left the hospital and he went with his adoptive parents have showed me as much as this choice hurts that it was the right one. I felt sick to my stomach I cried at random. My sons father and I werent together when he was conceived or born. He hardly ever showed any emotions towards the pregnancy at all except in the begining when we fought horribly. He didnt show any emotion until he saw the baby and even then he was playing with him as if nothing was wrong. When it came time to sign the papers he was crying harder than I was. But then he returned to showing nothing. I know that these feelings are normal but that doesnt make them any easier to handle. I struggle with the choice still. There are mornings where I will wake up and cry because I want my son back in my arms. Just know that you are not alone.

My son was born 3 months ago, when I was still a senior in high school. I felt awful thinking about giving him up for adoption. I have always wanted to be a mom. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that I wanted better for him than what I had, and could give or offer him. And the events that have continued to happen since I left the hospital and he went with his adoptive parents have showed me as much as this choice hurts that it was the right one. I felt sick to my stomach I cried at random. My sons father and I werent together when he was conceived or born. He hardly ever showed any emotions towards the pregnancy at all except in the begining when we fought horribly. He didnt show any emotion until he saw the baby and even then he was playing with him as if nothing was wrong. When it came time to sign the papers he was crying harder than I was. But then he returned to showing nothing. I know that these feelings are normal but that doesnt make them any easier to handle. I struggle with the choice still. There are mornings where I will wake up and cry because I want my son back in my arms. Just know that you are not alone.