Top 10 things adoptees hate to hear

As an adoptee who is of a minority religion, I am sick and tired of hearing about THEIR religion. I can't tell you how tiring it is to have my beliefs judged by people who have not been in my life. They have gone so far as to try to *convert me* to their religion. They gave me up, so here is a clue: you have no right to tell me how to live my life!

Yes all of these are so TRUE and I had every one of them, and when I feel down one person told me " they are probably dead anyway" that's not something to say...

My adad actually said.... "Your birth parents are probably assh*les" Who says that? 0_o? Like seriously..... But yes...the negative talk about people we barely know/and may be deceased....NOT COOL.

I love it when I mention something and people think I need to be comforted about it.. usually with "at least she didn't abort you." OMG I know she didn't thanks, and really, I don't feel badly, just commenting, don't need your sympathy thanks. I just had a conversation with a childhood friend that went in that direction awhile back.

you have summed it up in those 10 points, that has been said to me all my life,but the burning in side me is still there to find my birth family and find out my history that i dont know. people that havent been odopted just dont understand and never will

Papercraft I wish you well in your search. As a bmom, I have a need to remember that D is part of another family. I am always open to sharing with him any of his heritage that I know. I never want to discount his aparents so I seek that fine line! and try to let him lead.

My revelation and search has just begun in the past two weeks. I've shared with a few friends, and I've gotten a variety of responses. There's a great deal of surprise from most people because they thought I had a "great relationship" with my parents. One friend in particular "challenged" me with some good questions. He's a forward-thinking kind of person-very pragmatic, and I think he wanted to be sure that I had thought things through before unearthing some potentially hurtful information. *You've gone this long (nearly 45 years), why do you want to know now? *And what if you were? It shouldn't change the way you feel about your parents/mother. *How do you think your mother will feel when she finds out that you've gone behind her back?

I think you need to understand that us Adoptees feel this way because of being closed off from our past. It may well be ment to be for you to adopt and raise the child, but it is never "ment to be" that a child is cut off from their family history. This is not about adoption but about being cut off. Please if you are adopting take time to understand the experiences of people who were adopted and make EVERY effort to keep an open adoption. Do not fear open adoption. Honestly in closed adoptions inmature teens who are having difficulty with identity often tend to have a dreamy view of their birth parents as a victim who will come back some day. This thinking IS DEVISTATING TO THE ADOPTIVE RELATIONSHIP. The best way to avoid this is an open adoption so the Adoptee can see the shortcomings of the birth parent, and realize they are better off with the adoptive family. In situations where you can not have an open adoption at the very least you have to be supportive of the adoptee searching. If you look on this forum time and time again you will see adoptees agreeing with this post, and that is because we have all heard it and all been hurt. We hear these things from people who do not understand our need to search for the past. I am 44 years old and far from a young kid with an identity crisis. You need to understand if can not handle the fact that a child has a birth mom, and will want to search for them, you will likely have a very rough road ahead when your Achild reaches the teens. For both or your sakes learn about open adoption. I am not

I've heard all of these comments, plus some :rolleyes: especially while searching. I searched for 20 years and found my bfamilies. Must be another one of those things that is meant to be, like all that is what it is. God's plan? I dunno, the preacher insisted and insisted that we are all God's children, no need to bother with all of that sadness and searching, just accept god's plan and move along. Gotta love free will.:flower:

The 10 list and other comments are great examples. One I personally cant stand is to have my adoption refered to as being "chosen". In my mind I have the image of a room full of babies with my aFamily walking around stopping at my crib and exclaiming "we'll take this one". Are you kidding me? They took the baby they were given. They could have given me back to social services before the six months were up, but to me that is not the same as being "chosen".

Those are all very familiar things for sure. My personal favorite from my past (and why I finally made the decision to search): "Oh, you're one of those," said the nurse who worked for the new doctor I was seeing. I wrote down "unknown" in the medical history section of the new patient form. My response to her was, "I'm not sure what you mean by 'one of those.' I have a medical history, I just don't know what it is." Wow, until that moment, I had no idea I was one of "those." Thank you, nice nurse. Now, I'm not. :)

i agree dont bring god into it just keep it real. my aparents just told me they wanted to be parents and they wanted me to be their son ever since the first time they held me. The proof is in the pudding and they treated me like I was theirs my whole life. That was good enough for me.

i hate the "you were a gift from god that was meant to be shared" my bmom told me that. I was like wtf huh.

Little wanderer if you aren't adopted what gives you the right to put ypour post, you are not adopted, it is fine to sympathise with people who are but your post was patronizing and made me feel physically sick

Thank you for sharing, seriously. I know many people say that but sometimes words are just not the thing you want to use to get things off your mind and heart. It is appreciated. Husband and I are looking to adopt and I'm looking through this trying to get a picture of what you all feel and I can't imagine the trauma and the disappointment, not to mention all the other feelings that cannot be explained. They give us these glib answers in training as if that will help a child. They don't properly train us, just feed us information like cattle and expect it to come out rosy on the other side. I don't know what our adoption story will be like, no clue. I'm not sure what type of parents we will be like, but we have said we will let the child know they are adopted, introduce that child as our son, love him because he will be our son but from another person and encourage family ties if it be safe for him. I guess when I envisioned adoption as a early teen, I thought of an orphan, wanting a family, not fully understanding the whole emotional rollercoaster that it is and that no one is truly equipped to handle, not the birth family, the adoptive family and certainly not the child. I will pray for you just for whatever is needed in your life. Peace and blessings. ~We all struggle with different battles~