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So me and bio mom haven't been able to comunicate very well when it comes to A, but can talk about anything else ok(how you'd talk to a cashier at walmart; nothing into to much detail).
I'd like to talk about sending cards in the mail from both houses, but not sure how I should ask bio mom. I have asked her in the past about A sending a Holiday and b-day cards to bio mom & sister; but I want to let bio mom know that we are ok with her sending cards to A, and I'd like to set up boundries if there are any from both sides. (this is where bio mom and I have our issues; for me I don't know what she wants or dosen't want and I end up doing something wrong)
Should I just ask bio mom
"Can we talk about sending cards in the mail from both houses?" or "I'd like to talk about sending cards in the mail from both houses, if you'd like to talk about this at this time?" I'm not sure how to word it without sounding weird. Help please!!
Is it possible you are making it a bigger deal than it might really be? I, obviously, don't know the situation or people involved but maybe less focus on the actual wording and just ask her in the most natural way possible. If you sound forced or stressed it may seem like there is some pressure or unwillingness which might impact her answer. How old is A? Could you say "So, A and I were talking the other day and she would like to send you a card. Would that be okay?" or "A is learning about writing letters in school. She's trying to practice at home. Would you like her to send one to you?"
Just the first things that popped into my head and we have a totally different situation so just my initial thoughts.
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Yes, I'm sure I'm making a bigger deal. :) Not trying to but I seem to come across that way alot.
A is 8, and she saw biomom during the 4th parade and asked me why she didn't receive a card form biomom but biomom yelled happy belated b-day to A during the parade; which made A very happy. So I want biomom to know it's ok to send A cards in the mail (biomom hasn't asked, but that has always been her. Biomom got mad at us alot before the adoption because she wanted to have A for this or that andshe never did because she never asked and we never knew until it was over)(biomom is husbands ex-wife; so our adoption is different, there was no agency, just our lawyer for the paperwork)
Your situation is harder because she is an ex wife ... but i would tell her that A loves getting cards and that she should feel free to send them if she would like. Just keep the tone light and cheerful. So she doesn't take it as a critique.
And if she does take it as one... just smile (even if you r on the phone) And let her know That no critique was meant.:flower: