Which is more private - email or a letter?

I used Facebook to find my birthfather's family. He also did not know that I existed, and I sent inquiries to people with the same (unusual) last name to find out if anyone knew him. I got three responses right away. And others who didn't know him told me so, so it was also nice to have that feedback as well. I agree that it does seem more private, less chance of another family member intercepting mail. Also, the family members that I found by doing this are awesome :) I think doing it electronically gives more "instant" feedback, and gives everyone a chance to "chat" a little bit and not be so personal as a phone call out of the blue, you know? You can adjust your privacy settings on your FB account so you don't have to worry as much about the "crazies"; mine is completely private and a lot of the initial communication was via messages only. After a bit, we became friends on FB and they could see my info and whatnot. You can attach pictures to messages on FB, which is what I did after a few initial messages. It takes a lot of courage to reach out to the unknown; I know! In my experience, family members THANKED me for reaching out to them (but my bfather is still aloof). While I don't have my bfather totally on board, I have other family members who have accepted me with open arms. It's a crapshoot, but worth it I think. Alternately, I just found my 1/2 brother who was given up for adoption at birth, and he doesn't have a FB, but I have an address, so for this contact I'll be writing a letter and sending pictures. Best of luck to you on your journey!

Thanks for the quick and genuine response, jkstarr. Now you have me thinking I should just message him on Facebook. My profile is fairly private; Id have to change my profile pic from the giant back tattoo I just started to something more proper. Also my husband is worried about opening up my total identity to a complete stranger. I'll have to think it through a bit more. IҒve been sitting on this info for a while and I am in between a rock and a hard place; I want to think it all through; what to say, how best to say it. But I dont want to keep putting it off and putting it off because that only gives me time to generate expectations which escalate. Especially since he just may not be my birth dad. In which case, I have two more candidates to find, but I donҒt know names or anything. Thank you!

I really need to do this tonight. Its weighing on me terribly. I just can't decide now; Facebook or email. :(

Hi and that's a great question! I found my son, with a name and an residential area only, just last November. I tried making initial contact by phone, and ran into many dead ends (mostly because he has a very common name). Since that didn't work, I gave Facebook a shot, after running into similar problems, stayed at it, running through each person of that name in that area. I kept going back to the same person, same names I had been seeing in Radaris etc. kept coming up. First, I contacted who I had gathered from this info to be his sister. I didn't want to scare either her or him, so I asked if he was adopted. Didn't want to freak out someone who wasn't adopted either. She anxiously contacted me right back. I sat back, got up the nerve and sent him a Facebook message, since I didn't have an e-mail address. The next day, I got the message back from him and that he needed time to work this out. Not a problem, everyone will face this at one point. He may not get back to you right away with Facebook, some people don't always check messages or even know how to navigate it. This is a struggle with my son. A few notes and phone calls later we know he is my son, and open communication is working for us, on his terms, as it should be. Hopefully it will do the same for you. The important thing is no matter what method you use, just to do it. You could even use both methods. Just be open to whatever the reaction may be. Everyone holds their emotions differently and he may be anxious to meet you, like I am my son, or just the opposite. I wish you all the luck in the world for your reunion. Now go after it!

Personally, I would have been terrified to contact my birthmom by phone. I did email and I did hear back from her. That would be my vote. Good luck to you!