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Sorry hubby but I'm getting fed up! I have 2 toddler girls whose hair requires some effort on my part. Lately I've been using the 2 strand twist with a barrette at the end and I think it's really cute. Hubby says some of my hairstyles look "ghetto" and wants me to stop spending so much time and effort on hair. He says he doesn't care what anyone thinks of their hair as long as it's clean, combed and oiled. He thinks they should just have free hair.
The problem with free hair is that it gets tangly and mesy within a very short time. It looks OK at first but I can't keep combing it every hour. And they won't wear headbands or barrettes in it when it's free.
I am sick of getting flack from him after spending hours working on hair while trying to keep my other 2 children occupied. It's fine for him to "not care" what people think since he's the dad and it doesn't reflect on him. He also says I'm just trying to impress "ghetto moms". And, he will no longer go with me to salons to get their hair cornrowed and refuses to help with the other 2 toddlers for that event so that isn't happening anymore. I have reminded him that we have not seen a black toddler without her hair done since we met that white couple who adopted a girl from Ethiopia about a year ago.
I hope you will all agree with me that my girls look gorgeous and that HE'S WRONG!! :) And that it should be styled at least most of the time.
Here are some recent pics of the little divas.
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The number of ponies/twists and the multicolored barrettes equals "ghetto" for some people which could mean low income or a certain lifestyle for others. When kids have short hair your options are limited but there are still some options. To be honest here... I do not do those styles because it doesn't match our lifestyle and how I dress my DD. I limit the number of ponytails and color of barrettes to one color but I'm following how I was raised. I also do not do beads. I broke out of the box when we did box braids and cornrows for my DD. My DH is very opinionated about how DD's hair is styled which is crazy since he can't do a single thing with her hair other than a puff. He hated her first set of braids which were very pretty on her but he wasn't used to seeing them when he was growing up. He's finally on board and thinks they look gorgeous on a little girl who has a lot of hair. We're AA and the AA's in our social circle are into very simple hairstyles.
If you are truly confused about what to do I would check to see what styles the AA kids in your area who will be your child's peers are wearing.
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I think the girls look great!
It is funny before our daughter came home, I just assumed black children wore all of those braids and cornrows because it was a cultural preference. Once her Afro became long and thick I realized those braids and cornrows are important, not only culturally but also because that is what their hair requires. It just makes things easier and so cute!
[url=http://blackgirlwhitefamily.blogspot.com/]Finding your Inner Black Girl in a White Family[/url]
Braids etc; are not an end all to "our culture" ( I am AA) Even in Africa adornments varies. It's a matter of personal taste, and how we were raised. I think many are emulating what they see and it depends on where the information is gleaned. I do think its great to stick to the natural/healthy hair maintenance. Generally SES, region will determine what is preferred, so what is said prior is one has to look at their own SES and adjust accordingly. If your SES is upper middle class, look at how other upper/middle class Blacks style their children's hair. That way your child will not stick out or make a statement that does not match with their surroundings. Now when they are older and can deal... it's their choice. My DD had for the first time a box braid style done this week; no beads, just a couple of pony holders (crayola types that she picked) We do try out a new style here and there, but it's adjusted to how we live.I do understand where some are coming from, and think its great that the child is celebrated, I do cringe a bit with the soaking up the culture. "AA culture" is here in the US based on their upbringing. We have a commonality in history etc;.
I am not sure about your girls and sand, but we only had to have "free" hair one day at her current school in order to figure out that her hair has to be styled.
Actually, DH has commented on how healthy her hair stays when it is "done" most of the time.
However, when I have to leave her with the grandparents she goes free with a part because they don't feel comfortable trying to fix it. I leave some hair milk for them so her hair stays moisturized.
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Free hair is hard....even though I love making sure L has her curls done in the morning and after naptime and we're talking about a different texture too. I like it when girls have their hair 'done'. I do agree with some PP that maybe your DH is also focusing on all the hair accessories not being one color????? just a thought....but don't listen to me, I don't have a DH so I don't have experience in interpreting other's brain too often :o
cute girls Oceanica....pretty!!!!!!!
How cute are those babies? I don't see anything wrong with the way their hair is done it is exactly the way my mother did my hair and my sister when we were kids. I would explain to your husband ( as I did my camp roommate) that AA generally do not have "wash and go" hair. You are totally and completely right
Everyone, thanks for the input. I haven't had time to respond for a few days. I appreciate the compliments on the girls too... I feel like the luckiest mother in the world to have such pretty little ones. :)
Raven, you really made my day!!
Gwen, I interpret the term "ghetto" to imply that these styles are stereotypically what one would find in a ghetto like baggy pants or something. I don't appreciate that at all.
JenC, thank you. He absolutely should be helping too. But fortunately I can do their hair at home. I wouldn't let hubby do their hair at all. He'd just cause more problems for me in the not-very long run.
mnmomma and KLLO8, you are totally right. Both girls get such tangly hair that it's sometimes much more difficult to have free hair. (KLL08, I don't know what you are putting on your kid's hair to make it grow, but I need some!! I've seen some pictures of her and I just can't get over how long and beautiful it is.)
Dickons, that was a great visual. I was cracking up.
Nevada, he wouldn't keep his input to himself on any subject. ha ha. Oh and on the topic of snaps, I think they are adorable too but unfortunately if I use even one on either girl it always ends up in the mouth of the younger one at some point. (along with things like dirty pieces of mulch and cigarette butts and other such items which I am not quick enough to stop her from tasting!!! Ughh!!)
ark, I do think it might be uncomfortable, although they have been sleeping on puffs and ponytails for a long time now. Maybe they are used to it. The one time I had someone put beads in Athena's hair and she beaded it almost to the scalp, and Athena had difficulty sleeping on those. We vowed not to do that again. She had to sleep on the side of her face.
Usisarah, thanks... I don't think it's a vanity thing, but who knows what goes on in the heads of the male species. Maybe you are right.
nick and sleep, their hair is so short that if I don't use a lot of ponytails it is all coming out by the end of the day. Maybe I am just not good enough at doing hair yet to find a way to keep it from doing that. I think it will get a lot easier when their hair grows longer and when they can sit still better, especially little Selena.
Even when I do tons of ponytails I still get those wispy hairs at the edges of the hairline that just won't stay in no matter how hard I've tried to capture them. :)
Peachmom, that little piece is too cute!! I really enjoyed reading it.
sissy sand is such a nightmare!!! I hear ya.
And Beachy, thank you!
Of course I'm right again! ;)
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Hey Ocean! S's hair routine--Cowash with Aussie Moist Conditioner. I also use it as a leave in. Everytime. I will occasionally use Nairobi shampoo once a month if there's a lot of buildup. I use Kinky Curly knot today to help detangle her hair. And I keep her hair up in a style. If it's free it's only for a day, two days max. S's texture is very soft up front, a little more coarse in the back from where she sleeps on it. I haven't had it trimmed yet, I just haven't had the courage to take her to a salon for the trim yet, but it could really use it. I just can't imagine trying to get her to sit through it!
