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Our !3 year as has been giving us a very rough time this year. He has been hospitalized 5 times this year for threatening to kill himself or someone else. He has major behaviour issues. He lies, steals(anything from pens to mp3 players and cameras, but his favorite is ladies underwear-mine or from any relative he can, once from a store),and he is obsessed with pornography(has gotten playboy magazines, took a porn dvd from cousins house,tried to go on porn sights on computer, and if all else fails takes the ads from the newspaper that have bra and underwear ads). He refuses to listen to me telling me no, I don't have to, you are not my parent, it's a free country and more. When I tell him to do something or tell him no he starts cursing at me, calling me awful names and throwing and destrying things. He has broken so many things that he will never have enough money to replace all of them. I have a disability and he tries to make me fall and tells me to go back to the hospital. He throws things at me and his brothers. He also tries to come between me and my husband (we have actually been going to counseling to help us because he was convincing my husband it was all my fault.) Now that my husband understands more and sticks up for me our son shows him some of this behavior. He currently has wraparound services but that is being bumped up to family based. Next step is rtc. He has been diagnosed with ODD, intermittent explosive disorder, and mood disorder,nos. His new psychiatrist just suggested conduct disorder and RAD. I need some help understanding these. One of my questions is he seemed attached as ayoung child. He came to us at 2 and was adopted at 4. He was attached to his brother and was attached to us too. We didnt start having problems with him until 3rd or 4th grade. Is it possible for a child to be attached and then develop RAD? Also with ODD everything I read says to offer choices- this has no effect on him at all. He tells his workers he choses not to use his coping skills at home and that he can behave when he wants to, I would just like some help trying to understand all the diagnoses as we try to figure out what is going on and how to help him.
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It is not possible to develop RAD after being attached.
Conduct disorder is something you should research. It sounds pretty fitting. I could not keep my child with conduct disorder at home and he did spend most of his teen years in and out of an RTC.
ODD is tricky. Everything you say has to be phrased differently then normal to not get an adverse reaction.
I'm sorry I cannot be of much help in how to parent him at home as I was unable to do this despite lots of outside assistance.
Does he ever show any remorse? The fact that he can tell you he knows right from wrong and just doesn't care is a serious issue. I'd research Anti-social personality disorder as well, though he cannot be diagnosed that as a child, it might be rather eye opening.
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We have just adopted a sibling group of 3, ages 9,10,12. The 12 year old boy has major behavioral problems, we have been trying everything, nothing seems to get his attention. I feel very overwhelmed and alot of times I think seriously about giving him back (not sure to who though) I don't really know if we can handle this, me and my husband were foster parents and we are older, my husband is 61 and I'm 54. maybe someone could just give us some kind of way to vent and get some kind of support from other parents with this problem I believe it could help!
Kathryn: Welcome to the boards. What kind of issues are you experiencing? How much transition happened before you brought the children home. Do all three have the same DX? Who DX them? Are there meds involved? More information will yield more insight and possible resolutions to what you are dealing with.
Kathryn, please vent away! I had at least 4 people lined up to listen to me vent over the phone. It really really did help. I find these boards are the same.I personally don't think it's entirely the age thing, if children have severe enough issues, and *all* children in adoption are going to have some trauma -- then it wears out anyone. Tho I am older myself, and feeling the effects some days, I do think the wisdom I've gathered counterbalances that in many ways.
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It is the 12 y/o boy, he was diagnosed years ago he has had counseling since he was 4, the post of 3 boys, he has got better but he was just almost like him the 13 y/o she talked about, how he did get better was a dr. appointment and blood tests whichshowed he had severe allergies now is on allergy meds am which has showed a marked improvement. But now he's getting into trouble at school and on the bus, he was just registered into a behavior modification program at school hopefully this will help him.
THREEBOYSPLUSONE
One of my questions is he seemed attached as a young child. He came to us at 2 and was adopted at 4. He was attached to his brother and was attached to us too.
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I'm sorry for all you're going through. RAD does not develop later. However, my question would be was he really attached early on? I've worked with several families who assumed their children were attached but when the behaviors disintegrated several years later, it turned out that what the parents thought was attachment, wasn't really full attachment. So, what happened was that the attachment issues manifested early on, were not noticed as attachment issues, and later the behaviors deteriorated, enabling the therapist to diagnose RAD. The part of your post that made me stop and think was when you said your son was attached to his brother. Is it possible he was more attached to his brother than to you and his dad? That might be something to think about and explore. Again, I'm so sorry for your challenging times. Keep looking, researching, and asking questions.Susan Ward[url=http://www.OlderChildAdoptionSupport.com]Older Child Adoption Support - Main Page[/url]
jeffw- yes he did come to me when he was hurt and he did make eye contact with us. When he came to us he was 2 and he did not act like he knew us but he he didnt take long to adjust to being here but that was partly because he had his brothers here.
TherapeuticFamililies-He was attached to his brother when they came here. The two of them must have been together all the time before they came because in the beginning they couldnt be separated with out throwing a fit. They also seemed to have their own language when they would be going to sleep. they would lay in their beds and talk to each other but no one else understood it including their older brother. As time went on he became attached to us and him and his brother were able to start doing things without the other one. While alot of his behaviors could sound likew RAD we really feel he was attached and therefore there has to be another reason for his behaviors.
If siblings have been together through challenging times, prior to being adopted, they can develop a trauma bond. The bond is a way to help them survive in the difficult times. However, once adopted, that trauma bond means their connection to each other keeps them from fully attaching to their parents. Some therapists/counselors know about this and some don't. Therapists who understand this will work with the children to shift their bond from their sibling to their parents. Anyways, just a thought...Susan Ward[url=http://www.OlderChildAdoptionSupport.com]Older Child Adoption Support - Main Page[/url]
The bond they had when they first came was built out of them being left alone together and ignored. However as they got adjusted to being here and each getting individual attention they both became more. Ormally bonded to each other and became attached to us. When he was younger he was attached to us in a very normal way. He also was a happy child with almost no problems. In fact if he wasnt part of a sibling group he probably wouldnt of qualified for a subsidy. It wasnt until 3rd or 4th grade that he started having problems. I have researxhed rad and while he has some things that may sound like rad i really dont think he has it because looking back there is nothing in his first 6 or 7 years here that would indicate there was a problem with attachment.
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