An Open Letter to My Mother

Mom, It seems like every year as my birthday gets near I cant help but think of you. This year it has been harder than ever to keep you from my thoughts. I have quietly read adoption forums online and looked for you periodically for the past 15 years. But I have never seen you҅ I wonder if its because you have your own family now. Or because you think I donҒt want to be found. For most of my life I thought that I didnt want to be. It was just easier that way, putting it out of my mind so I wouldnҒt dwell on it year after year. As I got older I realized that I was still thinking of you. Imagining how proud you would have been at my graduation, or crying because you were so happy to be at my wedding. I realize that this is the life you gave me, and if it wasnt for you I might not have had any of this. I love you so much for giving me this life. It has been a great one! I want you to know mom҅ I am ok. I grew up with a loving family full of people and pets. My parents adopted a little sister who kept life interesting and taught me the meaning of sibling rivalry. We both knew from a young age we were adopted, but our lives never felt like anything other than true family. We were both very loved. We never talked about being adopted but every now and then my sister would ask questions about it which made me realize it was always there in the back of our minds. As I grew up I kept telling myself that somedayӔ I would look for you. Not even to meet you, but just to know who you are, and that youre ғok too. Last month, when I attended the memorial service of a high school friend who was taken long before her time I realized that ԓsomeday sneaks up on us faster than we can ever imagine. And in some cases passes us by altogetherԅ I started looking for you again, but sat quietly back reading posts hoping you were looking for me. I dont want to disrupt your life, because I understand how many peopleҒs feelings are tied to something that should solely be between you and me. I felt that if I saw you looking for me this would signal that somewhere at sometime you had hoped that Id find you. So I wait, and I watch and hope that someday youҒll invite me into a small part of your life As time goes on I watch my family grow older. I see my adoptive mother taking care of her mom as she grows old, and I see my wifeŒs parents helping their mother as her family ages. My wife, who was born into her family tries her best to understand how I feel. She asked me why do you think that now you feel like it is so important to know about your momӔ. I couldnt explain it to her in words, except to say ғShes my family҅ Shes my mother.Ҕ And you never forget your motherӅ I love you mom, and I hope your life has been filled with nothing but happiness. Your Son, Baby Boy