I have a feeling my BMOM will NOT respond to the letter...

Age may have something to do with it, especially if she was told not to expect you to be ready for a reunion until your 30s. If this is sooner than she was told, she may have convinced herself not to expect a letter.

I don't get that. I mean, who would tell her not to expect a letter until i am in my 30's? Is that the norm or something? Don't Bmoms get contacted ALL THE TIME, regardless of age?

Hi Nobody, I am a bmom, but I read the adoptee message boards sometimes to get a different perspective. Hope it's okay to reply to your post. I am not sure why she wouldn't respond, but maybe there is a valid reason. I would be patient. It's hard and maybe she is waiting for the right time to bring it up to her spouse or partner. Maybe they are going through something right now. Maybe she lost her job or house or something. You never know.... However, I do have to say that as a birth mother of an 18-year-old adopted son, I am under the impression that he ISN'T looking for me because I have been told, as a generalization, that boys a)are less likely to look for their birth families; and b)usually wait until they are much older (40-50s) before they even start looking. So maybe, that is why your age is shocking. Just a thought.

Thanks for the response! Well, maybe your son is looking for you?! I have seen that thing about boys and i feel that is just a generalization! Because if i were told back when i was 18 (or younger than that for that matter!) i'd still want to know. But that's me.

And still.....nothing. Super annoyed here. :rolleyes: I'm trying to take everyone's advice and stay positive but i can't help but be annoyed with this situation. I am also super annoyed with my CI. I know it's against the law to give up names and etc...but i feel like minus knowing i have siblings and etc....i have no real other information. But that's not her fault i guess....she can't give names soo........i'm just tired of this. Let's get the ball rolling already. :rolleyes: Maybe my age does play a big part in this. I am so impatient...but it feels like i am being ignored and i don't like that AT ALL. In the long run, if i am kept from meeting my birth family because of my bmom, i will be very disappointed. Whatever.

Still.....nothing. I feel like this is a HUGE waste of time.

My suggestion is to put it aside and go on with your life. No one can predict if or when she will respond. You have done what you can at this point.I have to admit I always hate to have someone in the middle... especially and agency. My prejudices are showing!

I'm trying to(move on that is) but it's like this dark cloud looming over my head.

This may be a stupid question but, how do you know your biomom actually got the letter? Do they send it certified and make her sign for it? Maybe I've watched too many movies where the letter was never delivered or someone else got it out of the mailbox and decided not to give it to the person it was meant to be given. I hate that in the movies where 20 years later someone says " What letter? I never got a letter.". I hope they mailed it certified ( signature required).

Ha! Funny, i ASKED my CI about this and she told me my Bmom received my letter. I to wondered if she even GOT the letter in the first place. Maybe i'll ask my CI again......

I sent my letter to my bson back in May and I haven't heard anything yet. It's so hard not to know if he hates me, if he's indifferent, or if he's just trying to make up his mind. At this point, part of me wishes I hadn't sent the letter - it hurts too much not to have heard anything...a lot more than I thought it was going to. I thought I was prepared for no response, but I don't think I really was. In any event, please know that you're not alone - there are a lot of us right there with you from both sides.

Wow. I know it must be hard not getting a response! I, personally didn't expect one for some reason. I knew this process would be a struggle before i started. I don't regret having my CI reach out. It let's my bmom(and your son) know that we are out there and we are thinking about them! Thanks for the support! And stay strong! I hope your situation works out for you! :D

I am not trying to offer you false hope but I too wonder is she actually received the letter. You never know who gets the mail at her house or if the contact info is up to date.

Soooo funny you say this Sunshiny, because my adad said the EXACT same thing just on Thursday. You don't know who gets the mail, if they threw it away etc etc etc. So many possibilities.

I have been searching for 19 years with no luck. Just in the last few months I have decided to go with the agency search. I do not hold much faith in them finding my birth mother because the agency has told me lies one right after the next. I was told they work on a two week schedule... (A letter is sent out they wait 2 weeks for a reply. If no reply they send a certified letter) A letter was sent to "possible" birth mother on the 2nd of November and the story has changed about her being "possible" to being "100% the correct person" to the "possible wrong person" back to the "100% person". I have no clue where I was born because they refuse to tell me. I know the county was changed to where the aparents reside. Who knows what else is wrong? My DOB could be wrong for all I know.As for bothering your CI... I call mine every day. I am not ashamed of it either. I have contacted her boss, the attorney for the agency and the CEO of the agency. Do I care if I am pestering? No I do not. You shouldn't either.I have my moments when I want to give up and feel like she will reject me or has rejected contact because the letter has not been answered. If no answer by this Tuesday my CI is sending a certified letter. If I were you I would find out if the letter was sent certified if not I would ask if a certified letter could be sent. Maybe she needs another nudge to let her know you are serious in finding her... Good luck to you! BTW maybe you and I could help one another stay strong in this very inpatient time in our lives! :grouphug: