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Ok you all , or most of you are all familiar with my story, i really need help on the right thing to do. I am so torn and it is a tug of war that i really feel that i am loosing, but I really do not know what the right thing to do is.
I have always been considerate of others before myself, call it whatever you want to call it. But i feel that my B daughter (who really doesnt have any idea who I am, and like just last year the B mom told me I was her father, But I want to reach out to my daughter (who has been adopted since less than a month old).... So in her eyes and her parents eyes, and i guess in the worlds eyes I am a complete stranger........
but i could not help the birth mom lied to me, and left town before my daughter was born....
i feel I just cant reach out to her and bring what ever more drama this would bring to her (being a 17 year old now) and her family.
i have this what seems like unyeilding desire to reach to her and let her know I am here, it is something that comes across my mind every day, and i want to do it...
but i would have the thought no, i cant do it....
but i think, does she wander, does she want to know, has she ever wandered... its like the whole yin-yang duel, they are forever at odds.....
how does someone find peace? how does a man find peace with this?
I guess it would be different if the birth mom came to me and said " i have had the child, she is yours, but i am going to have to put her up for adoption, because i do not have what it takes to provide her what she needs" I would respect that, really.
but come to me 16 years after the fact and then tell me this, when i cant do nothing, and i have to just sit with this on my mind...
Yes i am married, I love my wife 16 years( the birth mom left town before i met my wife) and my two boys i love.....but she is still my daughter, and she is part of me.,...
how do you come to terms with this?
and how do you what is the right thing to do?
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Was it an open adoption with the bmom? If so, then sending a letter to the parents with an additional letter to your daughter for them to give to her would be okay. When she's no longer a minor then obviously you can contact her directly. Good luck dad. I know that my bdad and I have a growing relationship and that I feel extremely protective of him and I feel like a daddy's girl with him, which is a great feeling. I love my dad and step-dad too, but I also cherish my relationship with poppa (bdad)
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it was an open adoption they had, the b mom is even friends with her on facebook, i have so many times wanted to add, but i had to accept the fact that she has no idea who i am, even if i know whos she is. so i have just left that alone...
thank you for the input gmarie, really appreciate the insight..
sfreeman6
it was an open adoption they had, the b mom is even friends with her on facebook
If I were in your shoes, I would wait until she turns 18 and then send her a Facebook message. Don't allow others to dictate when/if you contact her once she's legally an adult, particularly people who have a vested interest in keeping you out. Until then, hard as it is, just wait. I know it's excrutiating but you simply cannot contact her until she's legally an adult. Perhaps keep a journal to give her when you meet? A written account of your thoughts and feelings between finding out and contacting her?
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Thank you Hummermom, it is hard, but you are right, and i am following your advice. I feel that is a way to voice my thoughts, share my feelings and for her to kind of see who I am....the journal i actually have been keeping up with it, rather easily....I was surprised when i found out how easy it was for me to do that...
