Article on tra parenting

I have always agreed with the importance of finding role models/friends etc of different races/religions/ sexual orientation etc etc. I wonder how the author would proceed for multi-racial children. E is CC/Hispanic/African American and right now looks "tan" with blonde hair. I suppose I wrote too many paper sin college on Nella Larsen stories but if I enroll her in our local African arts dance classes will I merely be subjecting her to "passing" (as Larsen alludes about herself?) I don't want her to feel on the outs trying to squeeze herself in because she has to. I want her to find her spot where the round peg meets the round hole. Maybe that is too naive of a hope though? Is it wrong to want it to be natural and not forced?

She is a child of color with African ancestry etc; if you go to progressive areas with a modern/contemporary dance studio say in a diverse area, she will be fine. Minorities know about mixtures already, we have dealt with it for 100s of years. If one act genuine most will not take you as being fake. kwim? That's the key to the article I gleaned, racial socialization "should" come naturally to the parents, and then that will flow to the kids. If you read in the AA section you will note dh and my DNA story. DH's DNA indicates a Latino breakdown. Latinos/Hispanics are essentially a mix of races. as a baby he was very, very pale, no undertone. Many are of European and indigenous, and some with a decent amount of African. Many slaves came to The Americas with a mixture of Portuguese (European) as a "recent" admixture. My DNA indicates that component, amongst other admixtures. My maternal side is multiracial, and with Dh my kids are even more so. Our folks lived amongst the folks they had a commonality with socioeconomically wise. Yet guess what? for the sake of comparison...my DNA with admixture matched quite a few AA in the US. I highly suggests a good knowledge of what make we ( and I mean all CC, AA etc;) ) in the US, and the The Americas who we are. combine it with our full history..wow. It's a neat way to educate ourselves, so we can educate our kids.

When I leave Africa with my kids, I will be going to an area in Australia where there are very few Africans, so I'm a bit worried about how I'm going to find good role models. I'm working on some ideas (contacting various people), but I think to find someone of their specific ethnicity is going to be next to impossible. I'm sure they will make friends with indigenous Australians, but it may be hard for them to identify with them racially, since so many aboriginal people are light skinned (due to being mixed race). It would be nice to be able to move to a more muliticultural location, but unfortunately circumstances (e.g. financial restraints!) are a little restrictive. But it's good to at least be aware of the need, and to try to be creative in this area.

I love you nickchris:) Thank you for always calming my wacko thoughts. I swear I am not nearly as neurotic in person as I am on the boards...well I'm slightly less:)

So glad I checked in on the boards today. :) I read that article already, and was all "YES!"...."YES!" throughout...lol. We also live in an area that is very segregated. We have a diverse population, but still, very segregated. Each month that passes, Rob and I get a bit more frustrated with our economic station in life, because we really want to move so Cam doesn't grow up thinking this is normal. Finding moms and kids of color to play with and model for Cam got sooo much easier when I joined a local momma's group. I realized the other day I, whitey-whiterson was in the minority...and I didn't realize it until after the playdate. I am always SO mindful of race, that it was just so refreshing to me. :) There is a unicorn, of sorts, in my playgroup...another transracial mama and her baby boy. I say unicorn, because I have yet to lay eyes on her. :D I also second Nick's suggestion on contacting the local churches. We belong to a church that getting pretty diverse (Unitarian Universalist), which just adds another layer of support for our family.

LOL you are "talking" to someone with ocd like issues. I confessed on a couple of my issues somewhere in the general adoption section. :p

coming in way late. Enjoyed the article and I think it's true.I'm probably one of the people Oceanica gets jealous of, because I have noted a time or two that where I live is absolutely perfect (no place is perfect but I love it) for raising L. Not just an abundance of AA individuals, but plenty of interracial couples of all kinds and so many children with biracial or multiracial make-ups as well. However, am glad that I do have a few friends that are AA and one of my acquaintances (I met from this adoption.com forum) lives relatively near me and we get together every so often with her friends and I get a taste of what it's like to be the only white person in the group. L loves it. I can tell she loves people of color and loves her books that have pictures of AA children, her brown or tan dolls. So hopefully I can continue to do right by her and take it day by day and keep her connected and proud of her heritage. Thanks for the article nickchris

With DS at age 6 (and pretty obviously bi-racial) we are facing what Rocknroll is talking about. I think DS is struggling with figuring out where he fits in as a mixed race child. He doesn't look like the AA kids at school. But I think the non black kids think he black. His experiences are not like their experiences or the experiences of any other kid in school. That is largely a class difference as opposed to a color experience. He's 6, so we still have time to work it out but I have to say, I was prepared for the issues of a transracial adoption but I was not at all prepared for issues of being multiracial.

It was interesting tonight. We were visiting a friend at the hospital and our little guy crawled onto a couch in the lounge between a person who was black and a person who was white. It seemed to all of a sudden strike him that there was a difference as he pointed to one and then the other and kept going back and forth.Then he saw Dad and reached for him. We came to the conclusion that Dad must fit into a different group. It was fun to see it all dawn on him suddenly :)

Yea, the little ones can realize pretty early, even if not able to articulate such. DD and I had an impromptu convo. this am about different skin shades under the race umbrella. The term Black and White is confusing as to the abstract aspect to her, a couple of years ago she insisted that her brother was White. lol I do not push the race aspect. I just gave her examples of different skin shades within our family. I then spoke of different skin shade amongst CC people we know. We have read Shades of Black its in our home library. I did recently purchase The Skin we are In. I need to proof read it. NevadaJen, I know you will allow your DS the opportunity to express himself. He is a cool kid, and decent people will like him for who he is.

Nevadajen, here is some advice, a bit of what I did when my oldest came home asking why he had lighter skin and his dad and I had darker skin. Since my kid is a bio, I only had to show him pictures of various people in our family. In your situation pictures, and as they get older discussions on the variety of folks with African descent. If his other ancestry is known, you mentioned Jewish then that's another piece of the puzzle..in some ways a bit distinctive as an "ethnic" Caucasian. With aspects in their history that may have commonality to how Blacks/AA are treated in the US. You have to show him how he fits in as a child. It may evolve over time, he will get questions, and yes challenged at times. Bottom line is this will he be seen and treated as a white person down the line? no, then later on that is a part of the preparation of what he will deal with as a child of color, with African ancestry. Yet your son has to be firm on who he is, how he fits in..and how he can flow seamlessly among all the ethnic people he meets. Just watched the movie Mooz-lum, my oldest asked a few questions about the actors had me thinking this way:Look at the pics of the actors: Roger Guenveur Smith, Evan Ross, Nia long, Danny Glover, and so on. What race are they? First just answer via looking at their picture, then read their bios.

I feel horrible saying this but I think this is what I have been feeling. I feel like I went into trans-racial adoption educating myself but wasn't prepared on the multiracial experience. I certainly this I can prepare myself but I guess I feel a small amount of guilt?:( Does that make sense? Is it horrible? :(

I went into adoption without a lot of education, but a fair bit of practical experience. I am somewhat amazed at how well prepared adoptive parents are in the U.S.. I don't think that happens elsewhere in the world, well at least not to the same extent. Yes, I've made some mistakes because of my "lack" of education, and yes, I feel a little guilty about it. But I get the feeling that is normal in a parent, even those who have not adopted. I don't want to downplay what you're feeling and what you have experienced, as I can't know what has happened in your family. But I also think that making mistakes is part of learning. I think we will only have it all figured out once our kids are grown up, and by then it's too late!

I think Triplets is on the right path. I think if kids see us TRYING, that will make them feel more secure. It's when we don't try and expect issues to magically solve themselves that problems arise. I think transracial adoptions now are taking race into consideration, where it wasn't done in the past.

What is the multiracial experience? addressing the core aspect of ones identity? I think it's a normal feeling, and that's because you did do your research. Absolutely doable, and as said above, research, actually implementing, and so on is key. I believe adoptees address annoyance at not being listened to. Parents of color can mess up there too.