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Do adoptive parents periodically send out emails or texts to birthparents or do you wait until they ask for updates or pictures?
When it goes awhile between emails or texts, I wonder if they needed space to heal and would rather not hear from us... or are they waiting on me to automatically send stuff.
Another thing I wondered about... as a way of keeping Baby J's bm apprised of updates and things, I was thinking about making a website with one of the baby websites and giving her a link and password to use. That way she could go to the site whenever she felt the need to, rather than waiting for me to send something.
Have any of you done that and are there pros and cons to doing that?
I am not a big fan of myspace (vs facebook) - BUT, what myspace offers in terms of open adoption use, it perfect. I have a privately set account. The name is fictiously set, the email is a yahoo or gmail account created just for my spam, marketing accounts and my screen name is something like undescript, like precious pink princess for example. My photo is is only of my child's feet.
I am only friends with birthmom. My settings are all private and she cannot tag my photos (or they will show on her page).
I write a blog every couple of months and post one or two pictures. If I want to know more about what going on in her world, I will email thru myspace.
Everytime she looks at my page, there is a counter. If the counter stops, i know she is not going on the page to read anything. if she does not go onto read, I stop posting. If she is not reading, she is most likely not going to call for our annual visit.
Hope that helps.
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StephanieMB
When it goes awhile between emails or texts, I wonder if they needed space to heal and would rather not hear from us... or are they waiting on me to automatically send stuff.
Just ask them. It's tremendously painful, as you mention, so are aware of. Different people handle it in different ways, only way to find out is to ask. That's such a "normal" thing to do, to ask someone you know how they're taking something. You're in a long-term relationship with these people, so may as well just converse with them. It will make things easier, in my opinion.
They'll always be a part of your life, whether you're communicating with them or not, because of your children, if that makes sense.
Very true! I guess I need to start seeing these people as a branch of our family and reach out more to them. They're probably as unsure of us or what's expected as I am!