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Hi... my husband and I adopted my then 3-year-old niece in May 2010. She had a very rough and unstable first three years of life and I don't think we will ever know the extent of things that happened to this child. As soon as she came to live with us, it was apparent that there were issues that were going to need to be addressed. Fast forward a year and a half and we've gotten a diagnosis of RAD, with the possibility of ODD, PTSD, and a host of other things that no child should have to deal with. Our daughter is now almost 5 and is manipulative, deceitful, and can be uncontrollable at school and at home. We are at our wits end and don't know what else to do. The stress of dealing with her has affected every part of our lives. We've tried all of the non-punishment (progress charts, positive reinforcement, ignoring bad behaviors, etc) methods to deal with her behaviors. Each strategy will work for a day or two and then it has no affect at all. I am just mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted and I don't know what else to do. Are there other coping strategies to try? I feel so lost and held captive by this tiny little girl and her big, overwhelming problems.
Sorry for the long post... if nothing else, it is therapeutic just to type this out. Someone please tell me that it gets better...
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I have been there. At age 8 now, she is making her way out, but the damage is still there. The one biggest thing I cannot stress enough is that you and your husband HAVE to be a united front.
If she has a melt down, even if she's screaming for hours to get her way, let her scream (in her room) and when it's done, go right back to the topic that began the fit. If it was a chore, it's still her chore. You have to let her know that things don't change just because of her distraction tactic of having a fit.
When we do talk, I reinforce that she has options on how she handles things. If it's picking out an outfit for the day, give her a couple of choices, and let her decide. If she's angry at something/someone, ask her to tell you which ways she can handle it, and then try to work with her so she can see what makes the most sense.
Check parental resources for RAD on the web, there are a lot of good sites that can be more specific about stratgies. Check DBT therapy resources and find strategies to help handle the behaviors.
You might want to cross-post this onto the Special Needs board. Many of the wonderful parents on that forum have LOTS of experience in dealing with RAD. From what I've read, attachment therapy is very important...but is very expensive. I'm sure that the parents who are dealing with RAD in their kiddos can suggest some books for you to read.
There are skills that can help, even though you are dealing with a child a lot younger than mine.
See this post, it has the info I was going to post here:
[url]http://forums.adoption.com/psychological-disorders/395480-antisocial-disorder-executive-function-deficit-emotional-disorder.html[/url]
Learning the skills in Bon's book can help immensely (particularly, boundaries and validation). I wish I had had his book when my first kid started melting down (6+ years ago, but his book was not written yet).
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