Question about bio dads...

Good luck and I'm sorry about the loss that you suffered.:laundry:

He can contact her when she is an adult. It will be up to her whether she is open to contact or not. If your husband is adopting her and joining you in raising her, she will see him as her father so even if her birthfather ever does contact her, he will never replace your husband as her dad.

julianalovely: Not necessarily. It depends on how much the child remembers about the first father, how she later views the adoption, etc. Just because the mother and adoptive father want to alter relationships doesn't mean the child will eventually see it that way or be happy it occurred.

I was a step parent adoption and was a little younger than your daughter when mine occurred. In my case, my first father lived with me the first few years of my life and I barely remembered him, but I DID know him. I also have vivid memories of my adoptive dad coming into my life and knowing he was the substitute. I am not a fan of step parent adoptions and think they should be a lot more difficult to obtain than they are. They take away a lot more than a biological father and can mean the loss of grandparents and other relatives as well as a name and heritage. I really don't see the purpose. A child will have the new "dad" in her life with, or without, the adoption. If the step dad cares for her and loves her and wants to provide for her, he will do it with, or without, a legal change. The daughter loses tons more in an adoption. Why can't the child have two father figures? Make your child's biological father come to the plate and pay his support. Try to involve him and his relatives. If he isn't interested, then make him support your child. The money can be used for many things towards her benefit. If your daughter ends up resenting you later for the adoption, you are going to wish you could roll back the clock. I had a great adoptive dad and mother, but I wish my adoption had not happened. There are a wide variety of reasons with one being my grandparents losing their rights to be with me when it happened. It wasn't all about my first father. He was one piece of a very big pie and the least important on many levels.

thanks

It can feel like abandonment. I am not saying that your family will go through those feelings...I just know how many questions can come up for the child.:hissy:

Thanks for all the responses, everyone! They have been so helpful. To "littletraveler", my daughter's biological father voluntarily gave up his visitation rights when my daughter was just an infant. His family has never been involved in her life and showed no interest in being there, so I don't consider it a loss. It seems you are bitter about your adoption and for that, I'm sorry. But please don't make any assumptions about my family. Thank you.

Or he could pop up,because he loves his child,wants to see her.U can keep him away,until 18 years old,after that,theres nothing u can do,if he contacts her,she chooses to keep in touch.

But know matter what,it's a loss to her,when she gets older,she might want to get contact with,that part of the family and I would hope u would help her,with it.

I am an adoptee (closed adoption) and my adoptive parents divorced when I was 10. My dad was out of my life for many years but we have re established a relationship and he has apologized for the past and mistakes he has made. I would have resented my mom if she had taken it upon herself to have my stepdad adopt me even if my dad was non existent for many years. It would have compounded the situation if I was once again adopted and I believe would have made re establishing a relationship with my dad much more complicated. I have a wonderful stepdad but I see no point in having had him adopt me. He already took responsibility for me like any father would and legally I don't think anything was any different. Instead of replacing my dad, he became another father for me to have. My relationship with him is unique and special in its own way and he was there for me when my dad wasn't. I also consider my biological father whom I have never met to be one of my fathers. As an adoptee, you feel a loss of control and identity when you lose connections to your biological parents and families. I NEVER knew my biological father and it is and always will be a loss for me even if it wasn't for him. Just because my mom, my dad, my stepdad or anyone else may not consider it a loss, doesn't mean I don't. I don't know your whole situation and maybe your daughter wants your husband to adopt her but at age 6, she probably doesn't understand the full ramifications. Even if her biological father and his family are never a part of her life in the future, I think it should be her choice to break permanent ties with them. If at 18, she wants to change her name and disown herself from that family, then it will be her choice and she won't have anything to resent you for. I'm just telling you how I personally would have felt.

I am sorry. I thought you might be interested in hearing about the perspectives of step parent adoptees as adults since your daughter will one day have her own perspective about her own adoption one day. I thought you would want the input of people who have been through the process so you could make an informed choice of all the possible feelings and outcomes your daughter could experience down the road. Since I falsely assumed you wanted input from people who have had decades of experience with the process, I thought I would read your posts again to see why you posted. I see that you don't consider the absence of your daughter's paternal biological relatives a loss and that you are mostly concerned the first father may want to be in your daughter's life at some point. Even if someone ever wants to be there, you don't want them there. You want to see how to make your plan successful. If your daughter is adopted, the first father will not have rights to her, but she will be able to make her own decision as an adult and he can contact her and know her, should she be responsive. Because of this, I would not count on the step parent adoption being a permanent solution. It often isn't. So, your hopes for the first father's being kept away may be short term. Oh, and to clarify, I wasn't intentionally making assumptions about your family in my first post. It was a point of view I would take about any step parent adoption and do.

Very well put!

To "littletraveler", my daughter's biological father voluntarily gave up his visitation rights when my daughter was just an infant. His family has never been involved in her life and showed no interest in being there, so I don't consider it a loss. It seems you are bitter about your adoption and for that, I'm sorry. But please don't make any assumptions about my family. Thank you. _________________ [URL="http://4com.vn/"]thiet ke web[/URL] | [URL="http://4com.vn/"]thiet ke web gia re[/URL]

??????? If you are the same person who posted this exact same comment a few days ago, you may want to check with an admin. I think you are only allowed one user ID. If not, this exact comment was made a few days ago by ssutton and I responded to that already since it was her situation. You can look there. Thanks!

I was also adopted by my step-father. My biological father was never really in my life, although I remember him vaguely. Occasionally, I'd see his parents and sister. I always thought that when I was older I'd want to meet him, but I don't. (I'm 35.) My step/adoptive dad is my dad, his extended family are my family, and I have three younger brothers. I don't consider my biological father my "dad," and am not interested in meeting him or his family. (I do know who they are though, so it's not like a closed adoption where you have no information about where you came from.) For me, it's not a loss that I have no contact with my biological father and his family.