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My DH & I started our adoption process this past spring figuring we would have a good year or so wait. Well, we were called in mid Aug by our SW telling us that a little boy had been born in our local hospital and his birthmom had already signed the consent to adopt and just walked out of the hospital stating she just wanted him to have a good home. We had 24 hrs notice then we brought home our beautiful DS. It was WONDERFUL, we loved every second of it, from the diapers to tag-teaming the night feedings. Then 4wks from the day we brought DS home my DH gets a call from our SW, the birthmom had changed her mind. Apparently she had never told anyone in her family about the baby, not even her mother who she still lived with. When the court order was sent to the house her mother found it and wanted her to get the baby back. We had to give him back that day. I have never felt so helpless in my whole life. We spent the first few weeks crying and just trying to adjust to not having him with us. We have got counseling (which really helped) and put ourselves back into the process. Now our problem is that we feel lost, we were parents now we're not. I am so scared that this will happen again but I do not regret a single second we had with DS. When the nurse put him in our arms every fear I had ever had about parenting just disappeared. What do we do with ourselves now, who are we and will this huge emptiness I have in my heart ever heal? I want to be excited about having another baby but am scared to get my hopes up.
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Shame on your agency for not making sure bmom had signed paperwork,etc....unless you live in a state that allows this?? I'm so sorry this happened to you... (I can only hope this is what bmom really wanted...that her mom didn't just talk her into it, as I have known this to happen before w/o good results.) Allow yourself time to grieve this loss....it IS a loss for you. The loss of your baby.... But in time you will go on. Don't give up...your baby is out there!!! (((HUG)))) Sincerely, Linny
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Hm, found this via google, for this state (per your profile page):[url]http://iaatp.com/docs/Virginia%20FAQ.pdf[/url]When you say 4 weeks... that would be 28 days, plus your 24 hours notice of baby's birth would be aprox. 29 days. So hopefully it wasn't fully 28 or 29 days... I'm sure there's nothing to be done to reverse things now. This is such a heart-wrenching situation, many of us have been in a similar situation, losing a child. Be true to yourselves through the process. The "lost" feeling is one many divorced parents describe, when the children leave their homes to go to the other parent's home. It's normal, which doesn't make it easier.
Can the birth mother change her mind after signing the legal consents to theadoption?The birthmother has 25 days from the birth of the baby to revoke her Entrustment or if the child is over 25 days old the birthmother has 15 days to revoke her Entrustment. In a Parental Placement adoption (private adoption) Voluntary termination of parental rights cannot occur until the child is ten days old. After this the birth parents have a fifteen-day period in which they can change their mind and revoke the entrustment which must be done in writing. They can also revoke the entrustment any time before placement of the child with an adoptive family. Once the fifteen days have passed after the execution of the entrustment agreement the birth parents can have their parental rights restored only upon a showing the agreement was obtained by fraud or duress. This must be done in the circuit court before a final order of adoption is entered.
We are using a wonderful agency but this situation came up through Social Services and it got just a little screwed up. SS never got a judge to sign our intent to adopt form... we are not really sure what happened. We did talk to a lawyer and she told us that at this point that there is nothing we can do but that we need to call her next time to get her to make sure the paperwork is getting done. We did meet the BM when we had to give back DS & she seemed like a nice but scared girl who didn't know what to do...we do feel like he will have a good home, so that does help. The wierd thought that I keep having is this, how does having to give up our son compare to when birth mothers have to give up there children. I do know that it is not quite the same but it is something that has been on my mind. I just seem to have a new respect for these mothers when after the baby is gone.
I'm so sorry. I hope you are able to take the time you need and find the right path in the future. Here are a couple of websites I have found helpful for understanding state law around adoption.[url]http://www.theadoptionguide.com/files/StateAdoptionLaws.pdf[/url] and Child welfare site.
Last update on July 24, 8:53 am by Sachin Gupta.
MCJ, thank you for posting the website. This all happened last year & we did take the time to grieve. It was a rough time but I can happily tell you that in May we got the call of a baby born & on Mother's Day I was holed up in a hotel in Fl snuggling my newborn son. This time everything went the way it was supposed to thanks to working with good agencies & our lawyer. We finalize next month and have never been happier. Oh, I also got a visit last month from our 1st placement & his momma & they are doing great, he is were he should be.
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