First adoption heart break

I'm so sorry they didn't even give you a chance or get to know you before making a decision. That's cold and so sad. ((Hugs))

Thanks for your support! I really feel like we had some rather unique tools to help this kiddo deal with the trauma - and to help him with any future developmental struggles. I think the worst part is seeing him still listed (weeks later)

A lot of profiles I've seen clearly state that the family must have a completed homestudy. So perhaps that is all there is to this -- they just were ruling out folks without completed homestudies. If you look at it from their side... what if they said "Yes" to you, turned down 3 other families... and your homestudy didn't go through? Or what if the situation the child is in now really wants the child to move within say 1-2 weeks? They'd really need the time factor provided by already existing home studies.There are a lot of children with special needs like you describe, and I'll bet a lot fewer people applying to adopt them. Most of us do see a number of children who really tug at our hearts, but don't get to adopt them. Hope that when your HS is in hand, things will go smoothly for you.Also, you'd be surprised how many children are on the photo listings... but aren't really "available". One of the first I inquired about, a 12-year-old boy, so you'd think competition for him would be slim, my support person contacted the child's SW directly... only to find out "We're trying to talk his grandparents into taking him." I was amazed, thinking, "If you have to *talk* them into it over a period of months, without success, and someone else is stepping up? If you keep reading here, you'll find out about similar situations, where the fps really want to keep the child, etc. Go figure.

Oh no it was very very clear it was because of LGBT, and at this time NO OTHER family has so much as inquired. We also had an agency willing to expedite our homestudy in a two week period and who had given us preapproval. The stated that the only issue with the placement was our orientation, and they had no issue with our homestudy status.

I'm so sorry...both that you had to experience this discrimination and that this child lost out on an opportunity to have parents equipped to manage these special needs. Go ahead and get that HS done...there are kids that need you!

I'm so very sorry. Was this through your state? Or a private agency?

Creepy! Well, if nothing else, in WA it's almost reverse discrimination in *favor* of LGBT parents, esp. couples. I went to an adoption fair here where there was a gay couple from out of state to meet and hopefully adopt a little boy who'd been on our listings for a few years. (I'd inquired about him 2 years previously, but the SWs said it would be "twinning" to have him at the same age as my current fson. So he languished in the system all that time.) FWIW, I could see he had some very intense behaviors under the hood, as first-time parents I figured the other couple didn't see that. Anyway, you could always try our listings if you're in an area with a lot of discrimination.

To answer the question it was through an agency that handles adoption disruptions. The agency itself handled the situation very well and were very open to us as a family. They even tried sending the family more info on us in hopes that they would see how all of my xp as a social worker would really help this kiddo. We are still keeping our eyes out for a disruption situation but we are also starting our foster care classes (unfortunately the still don't start for another month..).

I am sorry you had to experience this discrimination. Have you gotten your home study and classes completed? Just wondering if you have had a better experience since. I wish you luck in your adoption journey!

I'm assuming your weren't accepted on your sexuality?? Please don't take this to heart, maybe this child had so much on his plate, they felt it in his best interest to place him in a "traditional" home. I'm sure he would have thrived with your placement, but please don't let this discourage you. As sad as it is discrimination is still a big part of our society in 2012. I think it's BS, but I live in Massachusetts, and I'm guessing most ppl feel that way hear, since gay marriage is legal. What happened to all the "it's what on the inside that counts" stuff that they feed you when your a kid. You grow up to find out that if you're too different in any way, ppl will let you know. Please don't let this get you down....You're doing something amazing by adopting. You will find the perfect kid, that is just the right fit. Hubby and I just turned in our paperwork, to initialize the process, and I'm really nervous. Not so much about paperwork, or interviews, but more about how I'll be judged. I am heavily tattooed, and since I'm a women I always get judged. So this whole homestudy thing, has me biting my nails. I don't want someone to judge my parenting skills by the fact that I'm tattooed, just like the fact that you're gay has nothing to do with it either. Sorry to ramble, but keep your head up.