Foster to Adopt is a lie in Maryland anyway...

Like the previous poster said, look for a private agency. That was what we used in CA and were able to adopt our daughter, who had been in foster care they were 1 and 2 at the time. That being said, from my experience with foster care, dealing with birth parents was not near as "scary" as I thought it might be. When was there was some uncertainty about how one of our FD's birth mom would react to us the SW gave us the option of whether or not we wanted to meet her. At first, we had no contact with her the social worker made every effort to keep our info private. We did not have to meet her for Dr. appointments or anything. Eventually we did meet her and and were able to form a decent relationship with her. We also have been able to establish a relationship with our daughters birth mom which I think has been and will continue to be a huge benefit to our daughters. They know that she loves them even though she was not able to care for them. Not all stories end up as positive as ours and of course there is a chance things will change with our relationship but I do believe being open and respectful to birth parents (if at all possible) is the best for the children. Their birth parents are part of who they are and will always be a part of them.

I'm also in Maryland. When I first decided to adopt I thought I'd go the foster to adopt route. I took the training courses and was ready to go. My case worker was very honest with me. She let me know that if my goal was to adopt that I needed to go the private route. The private route is taking much longer than I would like but it's the only option available to me. It can be done even if you aren't rich (I'm definitely not). I can PM you the agency I'm working with if you'd like. I would love to foster at some point but right now I really want to be a forever mom.

Lorraine, I'd love the name of the agency you used. Was this an adoption through the state or a private domestic adoption?

I live in MD, and am fostering to adopt two boys right now. One was a traditional foster placement (the 6yo) and it is turning into adoption. The plan was changed right at the 12mo mark. The other was placed as a low-risk preadoptive placement at 16mos. His previous foster family did not want to adopt him. Another sibling set that we had done respite for, ages 2 and 1, went to a pre-adoptive only family because their foster family is foster-only. Low legal risk. Yes, MD would prefer that you open yourself up to fostering any/all children w/in your comfort level and be open to adopting them. I can tell you that probably more than half of the cases in our area go to adoption, and 90% of those are adopted by their foster parents. However, there are some who will not be reunified with their bio parents or adopted by their FPs, and those will be placed w/other FPs as low legal risk. MD prefers not to go to TPR unless an adoptive resource in place b/c they don't want to create legal orphans, so most kids who are available are low - not no - legal risk. Those aren't as common, especially for young kiddos - and, honestly, the best way to get your name out there is to foster-foster. That is how CWs get to know you as a resource and feel comfortable recommending you as a permanent placement for the children in their care. We were specifically chosen for our 18mo old b/c his CW knew us and knew we'd get him the care he needs. It's not an easy or quick process, but it's not as difficult as it sounds. It IS possible...and the more hats you throw your name into, the more chances of your name being drawn. If you want to PM me, I'm available. Good luck!

Beautifully written post. I know you say "most" but I don't know that I agree with this line. FD1 was very bonded to our dog and our dog took it very hard when the girls left. She backtracked on all training. And she was sooo confused. And on top of it all, I was such an emotional wreck, I had nothing to help her. I often wonder how much harder it would have been to go through that with other children in my home. To OP, read farmchick's post a few times. This system sucks in a HUGE way, but we are the ones who make a difference for these children, not the families out there just trying to collect a paycheck. (Note: I am not trying to denigrate those type of families. In fact, if I could afford to quit work and only foster, I would, but I can't. I think "professional foster homes" are wonderful. My reference was to "those" foster parents who do it only to supplement their income and don't give the children what they need. I'd highly recommend you go through the training and consider adopting legally free children. Depending on the age, it might be a longer wait, but it happens for a great many members on this forum. Keep in mind, most foster children are adopted by their foster parents. (I know this was said before by PP but it is that important to note that I repeated it again.) One thing to consider. Are you pursuing this parenting for yourself or for the children? If you are only doing this/considering this because of your need to parent, then it may not be the right thing for you. But if you are considering this because you have so much love to give and nobody to give it to, then maybe you can handle this more than you think you can. I won't lie to you, it was the absolute worse thing that I have ever had to go through, losing my girls after 2 years, but I would not have NOT had my girls for anything! I impacted their lives and they impacted mine. They will forever be my daughters in my heart, and I hold on to the hope of seeing them again some day.

They tell all prospective foster parents this...because the goal is reunification. That doesn't mean you won't find kids to adopt, and it certainly doesn't mean it will take 10 years.Basically they don't want to put all the money & training into parents that aren't willing to "pay back" the system. That's why private adoption costs a fortune & foster to adopt is virtually cost free.

Have you looked on the adoption photolisting website? The children on that website have already been through TPR, as I understand it, and your social worker can find out the information on them. I've done that for one child when I started this process, and after finding out all the info, decided that child wouldn't be a good fit, but there are plenty of kids all over the US that are adoptable through the foster kid system.

If you use a private agency to adopt legally free children from foster care, it costs virtually nothing. Adoption photolisting is a great website to gain information about the children that are available.

I am also in MD and I could not have said it any better than farmchick. And what slackwater said is also very true - get your name out there so they know who you are when children come into the system. What I will add is that you never really know how a case will go until you're already in to it. I have some friends - also foster parents in MD - who took in a child assuming it would end in reunification. Within a year the plan was changed to adoption by them and oh by the way, along came a bio sibling for that child...so they're in the process of adopting both. The also previously adopted another child approx 2 years ago. Again, you never know how any particular case will turn out, however you must be willing to support reunification from the beginning...doesn't always mean it's going to end that way. As for the bio parents, I have a great relationship with the bio dad of my current placement. He's not a mean, evil person at all...he was just very sick, ended up in the ICU (nearly died), and is now trying to get back on his feet. So, there are bio parents out there who are good people, but just may have fallen on hard times, bad health or bad luck. One last thing, if you're worried about your family getting too attached and hurt, then just keep the visits with them at a minimum. Make sure they understand that you are here to help the kids through a tough time in their lives until a decision is made as to whether they go back to their bio parents or stay with you. If your family can't accept that, the I would consider keeping your distance from them while you have the kids. If this is not an option, then foster care probably isn't a good idea for you. I've had to distance myself from my sister right now because she doesn't/can't understand that my current foster children need boundries/rules/limits set and abided by right now in order to develope into healthy functioning people in the future. She was causing a lot of confusion and frustration by undermining all the rules I had in place, rules my foster children had come to accept and abide by. In short, she was causing more harm than good...so no more contact with her as long as the children are with me. Not everyone is able/willing to do this, but this is something that needs to be considered when taking in foster children. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do. If I can be of any help in your journey, please let me know.

We can't stand the thought of having a child and letting it go again. Perhaps one day after we have started our own family we can consider a teenager or older child. The social worker actually just called today to ask if I would go ahead and take the classes if she could work with my special circumstances and help me to get the kind of children I want. Because of the area I live in (east Baltimore Co.) and the high demand here...she thinks it would be possible to work with me. Unfortunatly we just dont trust the situation and have made our choice. We have an appointment with a firtility specialist next week and I have hopes that I can carry our own child. If I am unable, we will go with a private adoption. Thank you all for the selfless job you do. It is important and it can be wonderful, it's just not for me!

Candycorn, I commend your for recognizing your limits. Fostering with the hope of adopting is extremely difficult. Good luck with your reproductive doc. That's a whole new journey in itself.

I am reading some of these as I sort through hundreds of children who need a home, similar to some, with one child in mind. I have only been in contact with my county's department and where the child is possessed by the state and it is already very heartbreaking. When I tell my story and my "wants", I feel I am being completely washed over and extremley used. I am literally being differed to using an adoption agency in every other answer to a question which really never gets answered. I see that some repliers have stated they can refer adoption agencies. I would love to use a private adoption agency but fear I will not be able to afford that. Please if anyone can help or even just relate to what I am feeling, it would mean the world to see your response. The child I would love to have in our home is legally free to adopt which has me wondering, how can they deny us from him if we pass the courses and the home study requirements?

What was the agency you used?

My husband and I would love to know the agency that was used. We have been fostering in Maryland since 2017 and in the process of an ICPC for a youth from PA that we plan to adopt. That's only because we had to take matters into our own hands and look for available children that were legally free to adopt. We are now told that we can't inquiry about other children until the PA youth is fully adopted before we can pursue any additional children outside of MD.

I would be interested as well. My husband and I are currently attending the training via our local DSS office, but after last night's session, I'm worried that its going to take a while...we were informed last night that our county only does open-adoptions as well. My husband and I are upset about this as he use to be a foster care worker and after his experiences he has no interest in dealing with the birth parents. I've been in contact with a few places, but either they stopped doing domestic adoptions or they only adopt out 10 and older children from foster care. We're looking from 0-5 or 6.