Yay for the holidays..... not really....

My family just recently experienced a failed match in which we had been scammed. It had been a long match, almost 5 months, and we had been paying expenses. I do believe at some time the emom probably believed she would place, but it has been proven that she had changed her mind some time ago and just let us to continue paying the bills. I didn't know about this group, so I posted the whole story on the general adoptive parent support group, if you're interested. Anyway, I'm having a tough time of it. I am a teacher, and am off for 2 weeks, which is normally a cause for great joy. This year, however, I am concerned about having so much down time to think. I keep running into reminders of the failed match, no matter how hard I've tried to get rid of them all. For example, the Christmas Eve party that I couldn't wait to go to this year, because this year WE would be the family with a beautiful new baby to show off. Now I don't even want to go. There was so much excitement to having a new baby by Christmas that now Christmas has just become a reminder of how we don't have a baby. Emom's due date was this week. That was a tough day. And now it really seems to be setting in that we are right back to square one... the waiting game. I'm really trying to enjoy the holidays, but I'm just not sure I can.