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My girl friend and i had a baby 8 months ago and now things i didn't care about before i now do care about. This is our story. My girl friend and i have been together now for 3 years and had a wonderful baby girl. My girlfriend was adopted at 7 weeks old and doesn't know her birth family. She is very close to her adopted mother who lives with us. Her Afather doesn't like the fact we are not married and we have a child and has never meet me or our daughter. I know this hurts my gf so much the only father she has ever known walked out on her when she was 9 years old and now won't even talk to her because of our relationship.
I have asked my gf to search for her birth parents because i want info for our daughter "health and just bacsic info". My gf is scared it will change her life and hurt the only person who has always been there for her amom. I understand her feelings and respect that. She did agree to get her sealed file and look up her birth parents,but says she isn't ready for contact so i agree it has to be on her time.
As a father to our child i want her to know these people. I was raised in a very tight family..
We kinda just have a really messed up family right now,but i love her and my daughter more than life it's self just not sure how to deal with adad and finding the bio grandmother and grandfather for our child.
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Morey, Your girlfriend needs to be the one to make the decision and not feel pressured by you to do that on your time schedule. I would suggest that she do some deep thinking about exactly what she would expect the future relationship to be or not be. It is one of the hardest decisions to make simply because of feelings of loyalty and not wanting to hurt her mom. How her mom feels will play into how she deals with it - especially living within the same house. It is very important that she does not feel like her status as mom is threatened. It really depends on the individual and the level of trust between them. Regarding her dad - nothing anyone can do to change his attitude other than him. About her sealed file. I assume you mean she expects to be able to go to court and have it unsealed. Depending on the state it make be easy or next to impossible. You would have to look up the laws in the state she was adopted in to know how to do it. Having said all of that - giving birth is one of the triggers in wanting to know more and for very good reasons. Family health history is very important and some diseases also skip generations. It is a very valid reason for reconnecting - but at the same time do the hard work before on considering what you want and be upfront about it - the flip side of the coin - her other family also has feelings. Good luck,Dickons
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The adad thing is whats really hurting her and causing all the stress. He didn't send a gift to our daughter on christmas and she was pretty upset by it. She said that her adad always sends birthday and christmas presents each year to my gf even though her amom and adad are divorced. This girl has been through alot. given up at birth then having her aparents divorced and now because of me she don't talk to her adad and i'm right smack in the middle.All i know is we have a 8 month old baby girl that needs mommy and daddy and everything else will work out. Ive never had issues with family like this and just wish there was a way to make things better for her.
As far as the birth parent stuff thats gonna be on her own time i just wanted her to get the file for health issues for our kid,but as far as contact thats 100% on her and what she choses to do is 100% up to her. I have no idea what its like to be adopted and will only be here to support her. i have another daughter that had a kidney problem that my mother had that was correct because we knew the problem early. health is the only reason i asked her to get her file from the state.