Adoptive Mother's Feelings Of Betrayal

Hi Vtwisher I just read your post and I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I was adopted when I was 6 months by 2 awesome people my mom and dad. My parents were also always very open and honest about being adopted. Usually each adopted child has an over load of unsolved questions with answers that only their bio families can provide. When I was of age to find out any information I went to the adoption agency but I told my Mom and Dad (adoptive) what I was doing. They were VERY supportive of my decision. The adoption agency required me to write a letter to my birthmom and honestly I explained to her that I had many questins but I love her for her decision that she made and my parents are the ones who raised me and got up with at night when sick and stuck by me through everything in life. I met my mom and oh how much we look alike! My bio Mom is always going to be my mom too! Its so hard to understand if you have not been adopted. You feel so many emotions and have so many questions while growing up. Some days you don't even know who you are. No matter how happy or great your childhood is these feelings and questions are on your mind alot especially when life changing events come up. The birth of your own child especially is one where you want information (medical) especially to give those answers to your children etc. Grant it I told my parents before searching of my plans etc BUT I was also very afraid and concerned about their reaction and hurt through this process. Your son may have been seeking your support when he opened the door asking about the adoption agency etc (I don't know). I know when I searched it was so important for me to get these answers but I was very worried of hurting my adoptive parents. Lucky for me they always told us if we ever wanted to meet our bio families they would support our decisions etc. I also see the other side the biological side too. I started doing foster care and I have met some very awesome families. When the painful decision comes where the children cannot be reunified the heartwrenching pain that the biological families feel is unbearing to see them go through. Rather they voluntarily place their children or the courts order TPR they are always going to be Mom and Dad too! I hope one day you can overlook your sons decision to do this behind your back so to say and be supportive and welcome his extended family into your family too! If I can answer anything for you PM me. Sending hugs and prayers to your family!